Articles from Richard Nicastro | Selfgrowth.com
- The Key Ingredient for Deep Emotional Intimacy
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Submitted on Nov 07, 2011 from Richard NicastroEmotional safety is something couples typically don't think about until something happens to threaten this safety. Emotional safety (knowing that you can trust your spouse/partner, that s/he has your best interest in mind and will try to be responsive to your emotional needs) creates a ...
Views:2263
- Relationship Advice: What Is Needed For Deeper Emotional Intimacy
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Submitted on Oct 24, 2011 from Richard Nicastro"I'm tired of feeling alone in my marriage." ~Christian, married three years Often times, when couples complain about a break down in communication or some other marital/relationship problem, part of their distress centers around feeling emotionally disconnected from each other. This lack of ...
Views:1413
( 1 vote) - Marriage Help: How to Prevent a Marriage Crisis
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Submitted on Oct 16, 2011 from Richard NicastroDuring a marriage crisis, life gets turned upside down and pulled apart, often in frightening and distressing ways. Like a volcanic eruption, tensions and pressures have accumulated that can no longer be contained by feelings of love or the motivation to "stick it out." The crisis often peaks ...
Views:1771
( 1 vote) - Marriage Help: One Question Couples Should Avoid
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Submitted on Apr 01, 2011 from Richard NicastroQuestions have power. They can open our minds up to new possibilities and ways-of-being, they can alter the course of our thoughts and shape our behavior in positive ways... ...and questions can have the opposite effect, shutting us down with the force of a jackhammer. And some questions ...
Views:1524
( 4 votes) - Relationship Help: Why Do I Get So Upset with My Partner?
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Submitted on Feb 08, 2011 from Richard NicastroQ: I need some relationship help. While I love my husband with all my heart, sometimes it's just so frustrating being married to him. When I feel that he's ignoring me, I get so upset, and he's usually surprised by the intensity of my reaction. Why do I get so upset with him? ~Lynn, Carlsbad ...
Views:1922
( 2 votes) - Relationship Needs: Are Your Needs Hurting Your Relationship?
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Submitted on Jan 28, 2011 from Richard NicastroNot everyone realizes they have relationship needs (emotional and physical needs that you expect your spouse/partner to meet). This is especially the case for older couples I work with who were raised in a generation where the phrases, "emotional needs" "emotional intimacy" and "need for ...
Views:1316
( 2 votes) - Marriage Help: How Your Relationship Expectations Shape Your Relationship
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Submitted on Jan 21, 2011 from Richard NicastroWe are all embedded in a continuous stream of experience—an endless current that is too expansive to for us to take in all the information at once. One function of the mind is to help you deal with this vastness: To select, order and ultimately, create meaning out of all the life that surrounds ...
Views:1511
( 1 vote) - Relationship Help: Growing Your Relationship Throughout the New Year
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Submitted on Jan 18, 2011 from Richard NicastroBeginnings and endings...and your relationship Life is a never-ending series of beginnings and endings—with each ending signaling a new beginning. And it is these beginnings that give us hope that new possibilities are available, that we can shed what hasn't worked and start anew. Each ...
Views:1267
- Relationship Help: Transform Your Marriage With a Question
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Submitted on Jan 10, 2011 from Richard NicastroQuestions have the power to change people... For centuries, philosophers have known about the power of questions as a tool to finding the deeper truths about life. And questions are one of the central ways in which therapists (including marriage/couples counselors) help clients create more ...
Views:1238
( 1 vote) - Relationship Advice for Women: Build a Feelings-Friendly Relationship for Your Man
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Submitted on Dec 21, 2010 from Richard NicastroMen, Marriage & Emotions As a marriage/couples counselor, I often witness the emotional mismatch men and women struggle with when it comes to the world of feelings: For women, feelings are the pathway to emotional intimacy; closeness and connection are achieved by acknowledging and ...
Views:1546
( 1 vote) - Sexless Marriage: Blocks to Sexual Desire and Intimacy
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Submitted on Dec 02, 2010 from Richard NicastroPhysical intimacy is an important component in marriage and long-term relationships. The reasons why a passionate marriage might dwindle into a sexless marriage vary widely. The first step in keeping passion alive over the long haul is to understand the roadblocks to emotional and physical ...
Views:2281
- Relationship Help: 5 Tips to Survive & Thrive This Holiday Season
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Submitted on Nov 23, 2010 from Richard NicastroIf it's the season to be jolly... ...then why are there so many stressed, beleaguered couples walking around? Is it more fitting to say, 'Tis the season to feel tense, frustrated and constantly on-the-go? Whether you're feeling totally overwhelmed or slightly frustrated during the holiday ...
Views:1099
( 1 vote) - Relationship Help: 5 Tips from Successful Couples
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Submitted on Nov 17, 2010 from Richard NicastroWhen it comes to building a healthy marriage/relationship, one of the best resources is to hear from couples who have been together for many years and, most importantly, would do it all over again with the same person. In the marriage/relationship enrichment workshops I run, there are often ...
Views:2368
( 1 vote) - Relationship Advice for Men (and the Women Who Love Them): How to be Open to Intimacy
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Submitted on Jul 09, 2010 from Richard NicastroHave you ever related to your spouse/partner in a totally non-defensive, emotionally open way? If you have, in that moment you and your spouse/partner were vulnerable and receptive to each other’s emotional needs/experiences. To do this, you were able to free yourself from the emotional ...
Views:1323
( 2 votes) - The Ultimate Holiday Gift: Nurture your marriage this holiday season
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Submitted on Dec 14, 2009 from Richard NicastroIf it's the season to be jolly… …then why am I seeing so many stressed, beleaguered couples walking around? Is it more apt to say, 'Tis the season to feel tense, frustrated and constantly on the go? Whether you're feeling totally overwhelmed or slightly frustrated, it's easy to lose ...
Views:1024
( 5 votes) - 5 reasons marriages end in divorce
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Submitted on Dec 01, 2009 from Richard NicastroQ: "I'm getting married in a month and want to know why so many marriages end in divorce. What should I look out for? How can I prevent divorce?" ~Sandra, Houston TX A: Understanding why a marriage or relationship might fail can alert couples to their own unique relationship ...
Views:1995
( 3 votes) - Marriage advice: Why love is not enough--does your partner still like you?
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Submitted on Nov 11, 2009 from Richard NicastroWhy is it that we have no problem lounging around in our favorite sweatpants (with the hole in the knee) and our favorite threadbare T-shirt (with the rip in the sleeve) in front of our spouse/partner, but if our friends/co-workers were on the way over, we'd change into something "decent" in a ...
Views:1236
( 3 votes) - The truth about marriage advice and why you should be skeptical
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Submitted on Nov 09, 2009 from Richard NicastroAny couples counselor will tell you that not all marriages or relationships are salvageable—despite my best efforts (and my pro-marriage and pro-commitment attitudes), some of the couples I've counseled will still make the painful decision to end their marriage or relationship. A sad fact is ...
Views:1155
( 3 votes) - Marriage help: Are your arguments helping or hurting your marriage?
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Submitted on Nov 05, 2009 from Richard NicastroQ: "I need some marriage advice. Is arguing bad for a marriage? My husband says it's healthy to argue from time to time but I try to avoid marital conflict at all costs. Can you shed some light on this for us?" A: Relationship conflicts are a natural part of marriage or a long-term ...
Views:1153
( 3 votes) - Marriage Advice: Want to build a stronger marriage? Watch your mouth!
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Submitted on Nov 03, 2009 from Richard NicastroHere is my marriage advice to all couples: If you want to strengthen your marriage or relationship: Watch your mouth! Marriage help: It's all about the words we choose There's an old Bee Gees song that says, "It's only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart away." When you ...
Views:1235
( 5 votes) - Men and Intimacy: Is It Really a Fear of Intimacy?
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Submitted on Oct 29, 2009 from Richard NicastroWhat is a fear of intimacy? The term "fear of intimacy" is often used to describe someone who has difficulty creating a close connection with their spouse/partner. Typically, the phrase highlights a person's struggle to become physically and/or emotionally close, and we often describe this ...
Views:1214
- Marriage advice: Your marriage needs this simple communication strategy
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Submitted on Oct 29, 2009 from Richard NicastroArguments are a regular part of Lindsey and Hector's relationship. During a recent couples counseling session, they volleyed insults back and forth with such intensity that I almost stopped the session. But then something remarkable happened: Lindsey said, "Our marriage is too important to me ...
Views:983
( 4 votes) - Relationship help: Bring intimacy back into your relationship
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Submitted on Oct 14, 2009 from Richard NicastroCouples often seek out my relationship help or marriage advice because of difficulties with intimacy—they no longer feel a deep emotional connection with their spouse/partner. Why are so many couples struggling with emotional intimacy? In order to experience the gifts of emotional ...
Views:2745
( 3 votes) - Marriage help: Are you making this communication mistake?
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Submitted on Oct 14, 2009 from Richard NicastroWhen couples come to me for help, the first thing I do is observe how they communicate with each other. Communication is often the gauge of the health of a relationship. There are certain effective communication principles that can help you create a more harmonious marriage or relationship; and ...
Views:1235
( 4 votes) - Marriage Help: making sense of the withdrawn husband
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Submitted on Sep 24, 2009 from Richard NicastroWhen you and your spouse/partner are locked in cycles of conflict, you probably assume you have nothing in common—especially during those times when your husband seems to shutdown emotionally and withdraw from you. However, the likelihood is that you and your mate share common threads in all ...
Views:2027
( 5 votes) - *** Marriage Advice: Turning Conflict into Opportunities
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Submitted on Aug 27, 2009 from Richard Nicastro"I really hate it when we argue…but I've also learned so much about my husband from our fights and we have a stronger relationship now." ~Sandra, married seven years Even the most effective communicators get into spats now and then. And despite your best efforts at marital bliss, you and your ...
Views:1541
( 3 votes) - *** Relationship Help: 5 Essentials to Keep Your Relationship Fresh
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Submitted on Aug 18, 2009 from Richard NicastroAnyone who is married or in a long-term committed relationship comes to realize that at some point there is a danger of falling into a lifeless routine. The vast number of marriage advice and relationship help books is a clear indication that couples are eagerly searching for ways to head off ...
Views:1188
( 4 votes) - *** Avoid These Relationship Traps and Build a Stronger Union
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Submitted on May 13, 2009 from Richard NicastroI'm often asked, "What is one of the most challenging issues couples face today?" While every couple is different, there are themes that I see in my work as a couples counselor and relationship coach. One common issue is the difficulty couples have in prioritizing their relationship—a form of ...
Views:1291
- *** Communication Clinic: 5 Ways to Get Your Husband to Listen
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Submitted on Apr 01, 2009 from Richard NicastroWhat motivates someone to listen to another person? Understanding this question will help you work toward more effective listening in your own marriage or relationship. 1. Clear message, favorable outcome Clearly communicating your needs is the foundation of effective communication and a ...
Views:2201
( 6 votes) - *** Overcoming Marriage Problems: Start Focusing on Solutions
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Submitted on Mar 31, 2009 from Richard NicastroWhen a troubled couple comes to me for relationship help, one of the first questions I ask is, "What have you already done to try to solve these relationship problems?" Several issues immediately become apparent as I listen to these distressed couples: 1. Many of them didn't have a plan to ...
Views:2339
- *** Marriage Help: Coping with a Spouse's Illness
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Submitted on Mar 18, 2009 from Richard NicastroIt's natural to enter a long-term relationship with expectations. And one expectation most of us have is that our spouse or partner will remain relatively healthy. Although wedding vows ask us to consider the possibility of sickness, we don't automatically assume our loved ones will suffer a ...
Views:3386
- *** Are You Running from Intimacy?
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Submitted on Mar 12, 2009 from Richard NicastroIntimacy is the hallmark of a healthy marriage or relationship. But there may be powerful, unconscious forces at work that prevent you from developing a deep and meaningful connection with your partner. Many couples seek out marriage help, relationship advice and/or couples counseling because of ...
Views:1416
( 3 votes) - ***Marriage Help: 3 Steps to Becoming a Better Listener
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Submitted on Feb 16, 2009 from Richard Nicastro"You never listen to me...I've asked you a thousand times to let me know when you can't pick the kids up from daycare!" In my work with couples, it is common to hear one person accuse the other of "not listening." This usually takes the following form: 1. You ask your partner to do something ...
Views:1231
- ***How to Navigate the Maze of Internet Relationship Advice
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Submitted on Feb 07, 2009 from Richard NicastroA computer and access to the Internet: That’s all you need to share your opinion with the world about how you think people should manage their lives, relationships, finances…you name it. It seems like overnight, everyone has become a potential "expert" about some particular ...
Views:1133
( 2 votes) - ***Love, Laughter and Marriage: Why Laughter is Vital to a Healthy Relationship
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Submitted on Jan 10, 2009 from Richard NicastroTwo happily married couples, together for over fifteen years: "If I had to pick out one thing that has made the difference in our marriage, I guess it would be that he makes me laugh." ~Sarah "We just enjoy each other's company. We're playful and tease each other in a light-hearted way. Life ...
Views:1227
- ***Discover What Your Marriage Is Missing: Your Relationship Check-up Is Long Overdue
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Submitted on Nov 25, 2008 from Richard NicastroNo one can deny the benefit of preventive medicine. First of all, it's often easier to prevent an illness than it is to cure it--that's why you go in for your annual physical (or why you should). And we all can agree that feeling healthy is preferable to feeling sick. So looking out for ...
Views:948
- ***How to Deepen Intimacy through the Power of Empathic Listening
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Submitted on Nov 19, 2008 from Richard Nicastro"I hate having to compete with the TV or computer for my husband's attention. He used to be such a wonderful listener. I feel like I'm not important enough to him anymore." ~Jennifer "It's really frustrating. I'll tell my girlfriend something and by the next day, she's forgotten what I said. ...
Views:2206
- ***Men and Intimacy: 5 Myths about men, love and intimacy
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Submitted on Nov 11, 2008 from Richard NicastroWhen it comes to love, men often get a bad rap. "You only hear about the guys who are abusive or cheat, but how about the tons of men who are faithful and kind?" ~John "I've been married for over twenty years. I know I'm not perfect, but I can honestly say that I do my best to be a good ...
Views:1385
( 2 votes) - ***Relationship Advice: Stop The Negativity And Build A Better Relationship
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Submitted on Nov 09, 2008 from Richard NicastroNew love seems to cradle and carry couples for a time—magnifying all that is good about your partner and your future together. We now know that relationships go through a series of phases over the years—some that can challenge the very bond that holds you together. It's interesting ...
Views:1199
- ***Marriage Alert! Can Your Relationship Survive The Financial Crisis?
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Submitted on Oct 14, 2008 from Richard NicastroWhen we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Victor Frankl You don't need me to tell you about the dire state of the American economy and the reverberations being felt around the world. While you're probably well aware of how this is directly ...
Views:1161
- ***Marriage Slumps, Relationship Ruts and Other Painful Realities About Love
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Submitted on Sep 24, 2008 from Richard NicastroWarning: the contents of this article may upset you. In fact, I strongly recommend that you close this page. If you're like most people, you have a child-like naïveté about romance. I don't want to spoil that. Sure, you were able to handle the truth about Santa Claus and the tooth ...
Views:1829
- ***Emotional Affair: Have You Entered A Danger Zone?
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Submitted on Sep 11, 2008 from Richard NicastroYou don't wake up one day and decide to have an affair. You're more likely to gradually enter into the arena of emotional infidelity—and many couples are surprised to discover that this slippery slope begins long before a physical affair is underway. Why is this? Someone starting an ...
Views:3982
( 2 votes) - ***Intimacy 101: Is This Intimacy Or Dependency?
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Submitted on Sep 08, 2008 from Richard NicastroCouples often seek marriage counseling because of difficulties with intimacy. Why are so many couples struggling with intimacy? In order to fully connect with your spouse/partner, you need to share the deepest parts of yourself while maintaining a separate sense of self. This balancing act isn't ...
Views:1241
- ***After Marriage: 4 Surefire Ways To Kill The Passion In Your Relationship
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Submitted on Aug 29, 2008 from Richard NicastroAnyone in a marriage or a long-term relationship understands the challenges of keeping romance and passion alive. Candlelit dinners, gazing into each other’s eyes, and the priority of talking and making love begin to buckle under the pressure of busy schedules, the demands of maintaining ...
Views:1290
- ***Marriage problems: Are power struggles destroying your relationship?
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Submitted on Aug 26, 2008 from Richard NicastroIn the past you were single… …and you could make decisions without having to check in with anyone. Your favorite color was red and you liked small, fast cars (as in Cherry Red Sports Car, beloved even though you wrenched your back getting in and out); The one bedroom apartment ...
Views:2210
- ***Are your friends hurting your relationship?
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Submitted on Aug 14, 2008 from Richard NicastroYou exist within a web of relationships. For instance, if your friend is going through tough times, you may find yourself feeling an emotional heaviness throughout the day, thinking and worrying about your friend. As this colors your mood, your partner may start to notice that lately you've been ...
Views:1059
- ***Passionate Sex: How To Overcome Boredom In The Bedroom
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Submitted on Aug 08, 2008 from Richard NicastroQ: I love my husband, but somewhere along the line we've become more like friends than lovers. We had an amazing sex life early in our relationship but now we're lucky if we have sex once a month, and when we do it's pretty unremarkable. I really enjoy sex and I'd like to make it a regular part ...
Views:2984
- ***Relationship Basics: Have You forgotten The Fundamentals Of A Great Relationship?
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Submitted on Aug 05, 2008 from Richard NicastroYou often hear struggling athletes say that they have to "go back to basics." After years of repetition, it's easy to lose sight of the fundamentals they need to stay on top of their game. Often they need an outsider's perspective (i.e., a coach) to help them determine which fundamentals ...
Views:1192
- ***The Dance Of Intimacy: 5 Key Steps For A Closer Relationship
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Submitted on Aug 03, 2008 from Richard NicastroA loving connection is the bedrock of a committed relationship—all couples are trying to find ways to remain emotionally close to one another as they navigate the complexities of life. When people feel deeply connected to their partners, they often describe feeling "complete," "whole" or ...
Views:1480
- ***Relationship Alert: Discover How This Common Habit Can Ruin Your Relationship
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Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Richard NicastroThere are times when it's helpful to use compare and contrast thinking. For example, fifth-grade Social Studies. Remember when Mrs. Dogoody assigned the paper: "Compare and Contrast Ancient Roman and Ancient Greek Civilizations"? (I do; I still have the occasional nightmare about that one.) The ...
Views:1328
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