Avoiding the Rut of Boring Relationships

A standard routine is often a good thing, as a familiar schedule regulates activities, tasks and responsibilities, as well as instills discipline and organization. However the same old routine in your relationships and especially with intimacy may become a bit boring after a while. It is important to keep it fresh with unique experiences to add richness, excitement and variety to your partnerships and sex lives. Sometimes couples fall into a repetitive program that seems like they’re reliving the same habitual scene every day like a sitcom rerun.

Far too often couples get stuck in a rut of always doing the same ol’ thing, never having anything new and interesting to talk about. They always eat at the same restaurant, walk their dog on the exact same route, maintain the same boring schedule, and have sex the exact same way every time (if at all). Where’s all the fun and the excitement? They’re missing the thrill of living life to its fullest and creating incredible memories together. They usually have all sorts of excuses why they can’t do anything else but maintain a constant state of simple survival and a mundane existence. Sometimes it may just be plain laziness that they don’t get out more or strive to experience new things. It is way too easy to just plop down in front of the television night after night, living vicariously through other people. Then before they know it, life passes by and they never got to do all the things they had intended over the years.

Often times one person dominates the relationship, calling all the shots and generally decides what you both do or not do. Usually the dominator initiates the patterns and general routine of your entertainment, or lack of. If you or your partner act selfishly and are only concerned with serving their own needs, then the other partner may suffer emotionally. It can be an uncomfortable imbalance when one person in a relationship dictates and the other one is submissive most of the time. Rather than being a slave to dysfunctional codependency ; be more proactive and do what you enjoy most. Most likely, you will inspire your partner to join you as your happiness and joy will be wonderfully contagious.

In the 1993 comedy movie Groundhog Day, the main character Phil Connors (played by Bill Murray) is forced to relive the day over and over again until he can learn to give up his selfishness and become a better person. Lucky for him that he had the opportunity to repeat various scenarios hundreds of times until he finally got it right. All we can do is to learn from our mistakes and make the best of any given situation we are faced with. Perhaps one of the best quotes from the movie Groundhog Day that sums up Phil’s hard-learned lesson is, “No matter what happens tomorrow, or for the rest of my life, I’m happy now, because I love you.”

That is so true! When we live in the moment, we can be fully present to our emotions and better speak from the heart - sharing a deeper, more intimate connection. Love is not about what we can get from another person, rather what we can give freely and unconditionally. When we let go of having expectations about another person, especially our life partner, then we can have a greater appreciation for who they truly are. We actually want to give more – to show our gratitude and genuine love in various ways. Feeling love now and being happy now is all that matters – not being attached to what may happen in the future or has happened in the past.

It can be quite stimulating for yourself as well as your relationship to be more spontaneous and explore beyond your comfort zone. Make a play date with your lover and do something different; adventure out to a new place or try a new activity together. Spice up your sex life by doing it in unusual places or experiment with new positions, toys or products. Even introducing a stimulation gel can really add a lot of excitement and fun. Your partner will appreciate how much more you enjoy sex with increased sensitivity and pleasure. For a real mind-blowing experience, try a couple’s vibrator such as the We Vibe that you can actually insert while making love. It will simultaneously stimulate your clitoris and G-spot at the same time. OMG! – your ol’ humdrum sex life will transcend to a whole new level of enthusiasm and excitement.