It’s Not What You Think…

I recently saw a wonderful example demonstrating the limitations we experience if we live by perception and projection alone. I was reminded of how misguided and often, judgmental they can be.

A member of the audience was upset at how one of the workshop leaders had spoken to another member of the group. This particular member responded, a little surprised, with the words, “It was me he spoke to, and I didn’t even notice what he said. I thought it was great!”

How different were their perceptions! Perception is the understanding you develop through the uses of your senses or your mind. This therefore is your unique viewpoint. But, so often projected onto others.

You project because you believe that others share your subjective thoughts and beliefs. But this isn’t always true, is it?

You react to situations based on your own preconceived ideas, beliefs and learnt ‘rules’ of life. The truth is that how you react to other people’s experiences or relationships has nothing to do with you. The only experiences that concern you are yours.

Because all experiences have the purpose of bringing you another step closer to your understanding of yourself, that’s all you can take away from them. There is no need for you to impose your own limited perceptions onto others. Rather share true compassion, which is a genuine understanding of their experience, through their eyes.

When you find yourself triggered by an event, before criticising the other party, ask yourself, ‘What can I learn or understand about myself from this experience?”

If you’re continually finding people around you rude, check-in with yourself how you’re overcompensating by being overly polite and never truly expressing how you feel? What’s in it for you to be so polite? How is this limiting you instead of liberating you?

The other side of this coin is to consider (for the briefest moment) what could be happening in the ‘rude’ person’s life? Don’t spend too much energy on this, as you may never know the truth – but if your default position is compassion, you may realise a possibility of something behind the ‘rude’ behaviour. The old cliché of never judging a book by its cover has merit!

Many clients feel they’ve disappointed people in their lives, as well as themselves. This disappointment comes from a long list of expected behaviours arising from long-standing ‘rules’, judgements and beliefs about how life should function. This is the cause of perception and projection.

Whose rules are you applying in your life? How possible is it for everyone to live up to your perfect expectations? How difficult is it for YOU to live up to your own high expectations?

How often do you try to squeeze others into your mould of life? How often do you expect others to behave as you believe they ‘should’? How often do others disappoint you because they’ve done something ‘wrong’?

It’s important to let go of what you THINK is important to you – and connect with what really IS important to you. Is it really so important how punctual Joe Bloggs is, or that Sally Snowflake was rude this morning? Really? Allowing these type of things to upset you reflects more on you, than on the person.

Does being on time make you good? Does being polite make you good?

If so, what does that mean about someone who is late? About someone who is rude? Are they bad?And - Who’s the judge?

Your life can be very exciting, meaningful and fulfilling if you move beyond your limited perceptions. Appreciate your own values and philosophy – without a need to impose them on others. Life doesn’t need to be black or white.Let differences flourish. Give others permission.

But start with giving yourself permission first. Let go of the irrelevant rules and constraints that limit you, and focus on that which will truly change your life.

Choose to make your own choices.