The Passing of a Patient

The holiday's are hard for those missing their loved ones, so I wrote this to ease your soul.

My whole life changed once the diagnosis was made. Now doctor appointments fill my calendar days. I’ve had to learn lingo that only a physician should know. I’ve had to learn side effects and what meds don’t mix with others. I have been subject to pokes and prongs by what seems to be an endless supply of needles. Only to find more tests still had to be done. I have seen everything unimaginable come out of every orphus of my body. My stomach is in constant pain, my legs hurt and I feel weak.

I walked into that hospital full of hope and inspiration . I would smile at others along the way. These steps that I take today unknowingly would be my steps every day. Now I make that transition from just being me to being a new patient. After what seems to be an eternity of yet more pokes, more tests, more drugs and more treatment plans, my mind never gives up, but my heart is beginning to get weak.

The doctors have done all that they could. The pain is more unbearable which means a higher dosage of pain meds is in store. I already have the strongest kind. As each day goes on I still have the will to get up and do it all again. I look at the faces of those that come to see me. And as they smile at me and give me encouragement, I think to myself; they have no idea. So I just smile to appease them.

After everyone leaves I lay there quietly feeling my heart beat and say a silent prayer. God I can do this with your help. I’m getting weaker but don’t show anyone that I am ill. I know you’ll call me home when the time is right. I just pray your timing will be in the middle of the night. These old tired bones aren’t what they use to be. I’m not even that old but I feel a hundred and three. So please dear lord make me better, if that’s the way it should be. If not, let me make my peace . Amen.

As I lay there in my coffin, I made it to my resting place. So don’t be sad. I am no longer poked and prodded and no more tests. I have done all I could before I am laid to rest. I’m in the best place and I feel no more pain. Thank you for those around me, who witnessed my fight. Please, only smile now when you think of me. So here’s to you knowing that you meant the world to me. You are the reason that I fought so hard and for so long. Just know I love you and I am at peace and I need you to stay strong. There are no more hospital visits or tests to be done. Go back to the way life was before my illness had begun.