Anger Management: Getting back to safety

As a writer of personal development or self actualization articles, I find that I am often confronted with the remark: “If you know all this stuff, how come you aren’t perfect?”

Believe me; I make all kinds of mistakes in my life. I am about as far from perfect as anyone else. I have my fears, foibles, quirks, etc just like everyone else.

I have realized over my years of writing that I am actually talking to myself. I am telling myself how to be more conscious in my life. Likely, the only difference between you and me is that I am actually writing down my thoughts and letting you see them.

Many people have commented on my blogs asking where I come up with the information in the blogs. The reality is, is that I am just a keen observer of life. As a child I learned to carefully watch the activities in my life because I needed to stay one step ahead of whatever was happening. It was a safety technique I had learned.

Being aware of things like what my siblings were doing and how my father was likely to react when he discovered what they were up to. My father, to say the least, offered me a never ending choice of opportunities for self discovery through his boundary setting methods.

So why am I telling you about this stuff?

Partially to encourage you to be aware of how you do your life and to speak and write about it and partially to help you realize that we all have learned to cope with whatever has happened in our lives in our own unique way.

By reading articles such as I write, you will soon discover that we are all pretty much the same. The difference is in how we deal with our life lessons and how we maneuver our way through the quagmires and pitfalls we have unconsciously created.
My personal goal is not to be perfect or even to be seen as perfect. My goal is to evolve my life to a level of quality so that I can live in a relaxed, comfortable state where I can respond to the events of life by choice rather than through the fear based coping mechanisms I learned in the past. My second goal is to provide information and tools so you can live a better life as well.

I have a pretty good temper (must be the red in my hair!). Years ago, I was like an over active volcano. Any opportunity to explode and I was there! It was very difficult to maintain any kind of rational thinking or safe life practice. It was very hard for me and for everyone around me. Everyone had to be walking on those proverbial egg shells wondering when Monty was going to explode again.

How is it different today? Do I still get angry?

You bet. There is nothing wrong with getting angry. It is an emotion just like any other.

Do I handle my anger better?

Absolutely. I am now more aware of what provokes anger in me, and why. I still have little hissy fits but they are much smaller, less destructive, less frequent and most important; less scary for everyone.

Why?

Through learning to manage myself better, I now know ahead of time when things are heading into the anger zone. This allows me to either alter the course or prepare myself so I can minimize the impact.

One of the keys aspects of managing my anger is to understand that anger is fear based. When something happens that causes me to go into fear mode, I recognize the feelings in my body. They tell me to be aware and ready.

I also recognize the noise in my head. I become very obsessed over one particular topic. My purpose for life at that moment is totally focused on whatever my mind perceives as being a threat to my safety.

Through the mind management techniques I have learned I am able to separate myself from my thinking. This allows me to take a more grounded and rational approach to the event and take a more realistic, constructive approach.

Getting myself back to safety is key. Knowing I am safe and secure at all times gives me an anchor to hold me in consciousness, so that when push comes to shove I can move myself by choice not habit so that I stay aware and able to manage myself.You know those times, don’t you? You have a major disagreement with someone, so your mind magnifies the event until it looks almost cataclysmic. The old way to deal with it likely was to puff yourself up and charge like an infantryman on the front line of a battle. And how did it turn out?

As bad as possible, right?

Anger is such a powerful emotion! When it takes control over your life, you are almost powerless to curb the tide. Before you have a chance to stop it, you have already done yourself in. You have broken something, or someone. At the very least you are embarrassed over your actions and someone else is letting you now their issues on the event.

Take it from me; I have learned that the best way to deal with anger is to nip it in the bud before it gets a chance to take over the guidance systems.

If you recognize the things that get you going before they elevate to an unmanageable level, you can make good choices to re-direct the flow and limit or eliminate the situation.

Self responsibility is a major key to success in anger management . When you come to realize that life is not just about you, you recognize that other people have stuff going on too. Knowing that you are filtering what you see through your own perceptions, you can take a deep breath and step back. That requires conscious choice. It reaps huge rewards though, and that is so important in the long run.

We live in a very fast paced world. If we do not have good personal safety skills, we will cause situations to develop in our lives that keep us out of balance. If our mind believes that our world is an unsafe place, we will see the world as unsafe and use anger as a tool for protection.

Only when we come to know that we are born safe and learn to live from that perspective, will we develop the ability to manage our emotions, in particular anger. By bringing ourselves to this healthier, more manageable level, we will find that there are fewer opportunities for outbursts. Our lives will be more peaceful, directed and successful. Our relationships will be much happier and peaceful as well!

I sincerely hope that as I write these articles, they help others to realize the amazing power they hold inside through learning and implementing effective mind management techniques.

If learning to live life more effectively is important to you, please check out both of my books . Embracing The Blend helps you to understand the power of your belief systems so you can re-direct them. Stamp Out Stress focuses directly on stressors. It contains a very valuable CD that has two visualizations to actually help you develop good self management tools.

Sign up to receive notification of my blogs and you will receive the opportunity to choose one of my e-books . Love isn’t our first priority is the first chapter of Embracing the Blend. It will give you a good insight into my book before choosing to purchase it.

I wish you all the best. Remember:You were born into safety, then taught out of it. Now is the time to return.

NamasteMonty