Many of us have encountered the self proclaimed victim, be it a family member, a friend or a work colleague. What never ceases to amaze is that these people make it their life purpose to report to the world of their misfortune or short coming. Granted some people may have incurred a health related illness that was not easily welcomed, though glorifying it and publicizing the condition will not make it any better, more often than not it will turn you off.
Like me you probably know a person who is a serial complainer, where you tune in weekly for the latest television drama, to be brought up to date on the negative chain of events for the week. This is expected to leave you on the edge of your seat. The reality being is that when we become aware of these types of people, there is a danger of buying into their most recent gripe or bad luck story. Be careful not to become a recruit to the victim negative army.
Do you ever have the realization of being comfortable even happy before this individual came along, then only to feel they have burst your bubble, you then become deflated almost depressed listening to this person? This is because they have drained your energy. You can even sense it in the voice of people when you talk to them on the phone.
The best advice you can seek is to quickly separate yourself from this person, or perhaps disagree with them, to alert them to the fact you are not playing their game. What might appear more confronting for you though may actually assist the person, is to say how you feel as a result of their comments, or better still turn the negative into a positive. You will be surprised that most of these victims are not even aware of how negative they become until you bring it to their attention.
If you encourage them by asking how they are, it is like throwing more fuel onto the fire. If you truly want to help these people find the good in them, start to encourage a sense of positivity in their vocabulary. Note though they may have a history of the particular ailment or misfortune, do not expect your positive talk to fix them overnight. It is no different to going on a diet after 25 years of over eating, expecting to lose all the weight in a month, it will not happen. Though persist with them, as there will be an underlying reason or cause.
Most often victims are vying for attention. It almost becomes a prop for them when they first meet you as it creates an opening with the aim to get your sympathy. Then there are those people that will always complain about the weather, saying it is too hot or it is too cold, you know the ones, they are never happy. Again simply keep your distance from these people as their life revolves around self defeating comments, and face it, who wants to be around people like that anyway.
As the saying goes, birds of a feather flock together, therefore where possible only associate with people that bring you alive and make you feel good. In the case of a relative bring it to their attention and tell them how their comments make you feel, to the point they make you depressed listening to them. If life is that bad you might as well be dead. It is amazing how people stop being bitter for a short while when they lose a loved one, to realize that complaining about life is not worth it. At least they get to wake up another morning to have a chance of experiencing something extra that the deceased will not. In other words be grateful that you are alive.
Like you I have heard all the arthritis stories, the bad backs, the opportunity lost, or that the system has defeated the victim. Either stand up to them or keep a wide berth after all life is too short to complain. If it is a friend that is forever whining take some free advice sack them, find somebody else likeminded as you that is a pleasure to be around, as there are some people that will never change, as change itself is their greatest fear.
If the victim is someone special to you and you do not know how to help them, seek professional help from a counsellor or somebody who can help them overcome the issue. At least reduce the impact of their grief as need for attention. As humans we all seek love and attention, have people attracted to you for the right reason naturally not the one who is a drain on society.
If you are the self proclaimed victim, take stock of your worth and live life to the fullest.
Jason McDonald writes on metaphysics and helps people unlock their life purpose. Lyn, his wife, is a qualified professional counsellor and guides people back to good mental health. You can visit their site to find out more useful information at positivelifecounselling.com.au .