Reasons behind Marital problem

Husband and wife are two unique individuals owning different personalities, who decide to unite for a lifetime and become one when tied in the knot of marriage ! They become life partners and together share their pleasures and pains in life.

The couple begins their new journey with a lot of aspirations, having ample consideration and appreciation for each other. They nurture their married life with love and care, and in no time get attached to each other, like with no one else. They face the rough ride together, they get over the ups and downs in life with the support of each other.

So what happens then?...

How does such a loving relationship run into a problem?

What could be the reasons behind the marital problems?

Param Pujya DadaBhagwan provides a scientific explanation for the core reasons behind most marital problems:

- From attachment, arise expectations.

- And when expectations are not met, we tend to become insistent in matters related to our spouse.

- This leads to clashes between the two and both end up forming opinions for each other.

- The opinions get stronger and firmer with every new clash and slowly the feeling of separating could creep in.

Thus, our expectations, our insistence, and our opinions are the 3 main possible reasons behind most marital problems. And these reasons can be eliminated, provided we have a clear determination to do so.

In today’s article, we shall try and discuss the solutions, which are in the form of simple understanding that needs to be applied, in order to help dissolve the current as well as potential marital problems.

1) Learning to adjust:

If one person is pulling the rope in the north direction and the other in the south direction, can harmony exist between the two? Certainly not!

So whoever wants harmony in the relationship, what should (s)he do?

Let it loose and let go in the direction in which your spouse is trying to pull. You can maintain your inner intent and effort that ‘it would be good if we move north.’ But thereafter, if you see things going south, accept it and adjust. We want to learn to adjust in a manner whereby the pulls, the accusations, the harsh opinions for each other, etc find no scope at all in our marital relationship. That is what is called a harmonious relationship.

And if such a harmonious relationship is what we aspire to, we should make a firm resolve that ‘I want to adjust to my partner in a manner that he/she never feels hurt by me.’Developing the awareness:

In every instance, if we try to remain aware that ‘If I am doing so and so, would it create any difficulty for my spouse?

- Would it increase my partner’s problems?
Or
- Would it bother him/her in any way whatsoever?’

Then, our home will become a heaven.

Having consideration for each other’s problems goes a long way in building a healthy relationship. But it is we who must make the first move. With such awareness, understanding will reside and compassion will preside in all our behavior . There will be no fights, no quarrels, no anger, and no accusations. Instead, we will see the willingness in both parties to put each other’s needs before the individual wants.

2) Communicating with openness and honesty

Your spouse is your best friend! Whenever a clash happens, the simple solution is:

- Sit with your spouse face to face for a few minutes and discuss the matter with an open mind.

- Converse with your partner directly, with clarity and no ambiguity.

- If there is some behavior of your partner that you did not like, ask your partner ‘what happened. Please help me understand the matter, and you too understand where I am coming from.’ This way, you will get the right perspective of things.

- Explain your viewpoint to your better half such that he/she understands it properly, ‘Look, my viewpoint on the matter is this. Can you explain to me your viewpoint?’

- Thereafter, listen to your partner’s viewpoint, very patiently and attentively. This is an important step as you will get to know a lot of information that you were not aware of.

- And now, try to analyze the A to Z positives of your partner’s viewpoint.

Doing so, we are able to understand the situation rightly, and can amicably solve the clash.

3) Try to weld, not wedge

A conversation with our partner on the clash helps, but many times the intellect and the ego do not allow us to do that, to the point where we do not even like talking to our partner on any matter whatsoever. This is because of the wall of opinions that stands in between. We can break that wall with introspection!

Whenever a clash happens, analyze ‘where did I go wrong?’

- What did I do to instigate my partner to anger?

- The way I behaved with my spouse, would I have liked if my spouse behaved with me that way?

- Where did I behave rudely with my partner?

And say, we are unable to get the answers; and, if our spouse is an understanding one, we can heartily approach him/her and discuss, ‘Can you tell me, how I have made a mistake? I cannot figure it out, will you please help me?’

When we develop the art of finding out and accepting our mistakes in every clash, we are able to resolve clashes very rapidly. By seeing our faults and rectifying them, we are trying to make the relationship, and by seeing the faults of our spouse and placing the blame on him/her, we set out to break the relationship. The choice is ours…

4) Cleaning the clash ASAP

Always remember to clean the clash as soon as possible, or else gradually, opinions begin to form, after which negativity creeps in, and going ahead a separating feeling starts developing.

How to clean the clash?

- Repent within, heartily and earnestly, for all your mistakes that directly or indirectly caused the clash.

- Resolve, ‘I do not want to get into any clash hereafter.’

Yet clashes may happen again. Do not worry! Just continue to clean the clash in the manner stated above, and you will win over all the clashes one day!

5) If our mind is separating from our partner...

With whom are we trying to create separation? With our life partner, our beloved soulmate?!Here again,

- Resolve that ‘I don’t want any separation to occur between us.’

- Recall every event that is responsible for such feelings to separate, and repent heartily for each instance of conflict. Sit for an hour or two and repent until you feel lighter. Maintain this practice until your inner hurt is healed completely.

- Forgive your partner with the understanding that ‘whatever he/she did is due to pressure of the circumstances.’

- If we have resolved that:
- I do not want to get into any clash, and
- If I do get into a clash, then I do not want to create any separation,

doing repentance with these two resolves will prove very fruitful.

We will no longer have any feeling of separation from our partner and the clashes too will reduce.

No fun without trust in a relationship

Trust is the soul of every relationship. Without trust, every word is misunderstood and with trust, even silence is understood. Our cent percent loyalty to our spouse with the mind, speech, and body is predominantly the prerogative of our spouse. We must never indulge in any activity that deceives our partner and breaches his / her faith in us.

Thus, adopting and harnessing the right understanding, by Gnani, the Enlightened One, into our life will automatically do away with the reasons, that are responsible for marital problems, at large. And if you think it is still not working out, do not fear. Visit the Living Gnani on a priority!! He can help you get your married life back on track. All the best. Wishing you a happy and problem-free married life!

To read more: https://www.dadabhagwan.org/path-to-happiness/relationship/live-a-happy-...