LIMBO

On February 8, 2007, millions of people watched Oprah’s show on the movie, The Secret . One of The Secret teachers from the show received over a million hits in his website. Thousands emailed saying they wanted to know more. “I feel … so many people are hungry for guidance and meaning in their lives, and The Secret offers some of that,” said Oprah.

What’s all the buzz about?

Simply stated, The Secret is the ‘ law of attraction ’.  The energy of thoughts and feelings that we put out into the world – good, bad or indifferent – is what always and in all ways comes back to us. We magnetize to us what we are projecting out from our core thoughts and feelings. Good - The confidence I feel around being successful attracts others’ trust and interest in collaborating. Bad - the self-criticizing inner dialogue I do as I speak to large groups distances me from myself and my audience; I attract a sense of aloofness and detachment. Indifferent – I don’t know what I want; I’d rather avoid choosing.  I drop into the slippery world of ‘limbo’.

The spine of the law of attraction and manifestation is made up of a strong core of many solid ‘yes’ and ‘no’ choices made over time. This writing speaks to how we avoid choosing by being in limbo and how to strengthen our core by “getting out of limbo” by choosing and communicating authentically. When outside expression matches our inside experience, there is a match. Congruency happens, and we build core strength. When there is a mismatch, something is off and inauthentic. The result is our core attraction strength is compromised.

I notice that most people spend much of their lives in indifference, a state of limbo. When asked, some limboers claim they don’t really know what they want or likewise what they don’t want.  From the simple “where would you like to go to lunch?” to the complex “what’s my purpose in life?” “It doesn’t matter.” “You choose.” “Well, let me think about that for while and get back to you.”

Limboers go to extreme measures to keep from answering ‘no’ or ‘yes’. Limboers go off on tangents, give you 101 reasons to justify their limbohood and are willing to put up a fight to death before giving you the benefit of a direct answer. “You didn’t answer my question” is often met with anger, even outright hostility.

Limboing is a superb martial arts move to deflect curious attention and deeper inquiry. This may work for politicians who want you to focus on their agendas (“The answer lies in education or health reform.”). They don’t want you to focus on your agenda if it’s a topic they want to avoid (“Did you originally vote for the war? Why?”). Limboing works as long as the listener doesn’t demand an answer to his or her question.Limbo is a socially acceptable way of being indirect.  Limboers stall, hem and haw, stonewalling the conversation, safeguarding themselves from saying something they don’t want to say.  
On the surface, it seems convenient to say, “I don’t know.” It gets you off the hook of answering directly and choosing one option or another. Perhaps this is helpful in a court of law when answering might incriminate you.

What most people don’t understand is that the temporary value to being in limbo crumbles quickly when you see how much energy is wasted or tied up in limboing. By not deciding, your energy is wrapped up in an incomplete loop. The energy goes round and round without a clear focus. Built up over time, the energy tied up in limbo can weigh on your body, mind and spirit.The solution to being in limbo is ‘choose.’ Yes or no. This or that. It doesn’t matter what the choice is, really. Just decide.

Once you choose, something magical happens. All that energy tied up in the incomplete limbo loop now has a direction to flow. You commit yourself.

I’ve seen this occur in countless personal and couples coaching demonstrations. Clients are asked to choose a make some huge decisions in a short period of time. Once they decide, they begin to light up and their skin glows.

Even though it doesn’t matter on an energetically level what you choose, it is helpful to know what an authentic ‘yes’ or ‘no’ feels like to you. My experience is that once people get good at recognizing an authentic ‘yes’ and authentic ‘no’, energy flows easefully to charge and support what they want to manifest in their lives.

This recognition takes a little time and practice. But, once you catch on, life works magically. You’ll enjoy more energy than you ever imagined possible.

One of the easiest places to see your ‘authentic yes and no’ in action is around the impulse of hunger. If your hunger gauge is working adequately, when you start getting hungry, your body will experience hunger pangs. Before the pangs, if someone had asked, “Are you hungry?” you would probably answer something like, “No, not yet.” In this case, there was an absence of a body signal to indicate that you’re hungry. When the hunger pangs start, you would answer the question differently, “Yes, a little.”

So, in this example, the absence of a ‘yes’ (hunger pang) is a ‘no’ to the question, “Are you hungry?” If we were to take this a step further, we might fine tune our capacities to sense subtle tastes and smells like culinary experts and professional food tasters. Not only would we know when we are hungry or not, but have clear ‘yes’ and ‘no’ signals to balance our diets, feed our bodies, and maintain highest levels of health.

If you want to get good at knowing what you really want and don’t want, get good at checking inside and knowing your ‘yes’ or ‘no’ body signals. They are the ideal trainers to help us exercise to strengthen our wanting muscles.

Some common body signals for ‘yes’ are expanding (breath), opening (legs and arms), flowing (streaming sensations) and heat/warmth. Some common ‘no’ signals are constrictions (muscles), closing (legs and arms), avoiding (eyes), and kinks in the hoses (sore neck). These are only suggestions, though. Experiment for yourself. Give curious attention to and play with your body sensations around yes’ and no’s.

Every moment you choose ‘yes’ or ‘no’ adds a small but significant brick to build a strong foundation of solid choosing. Where you are right now, in this moment, is a result of thousands of little ‘yes’s’ and ‘no’s’ you made along the way. This is what The Secret talks about. To create the future you want, start with fine tuning what you want to attract in your life by listening closely to the signs your body is giving you as you speak about your passions, dreams , and hardest decisions you want to make. Your confidence improves as you trust your intuition and choices you make over time. If you’re off, that will register for next time, so don’t worry.

A colleague has gotten so good at tuning in to his body, that when he notices ecstatic vibrations and energy rising, he knows that his ‘yes’. The absence of this wonderful sensation, for him, is a ‘no’.

Instead of saying, “I don’t know,” take a risk. Say something about what you really want – financially, relationally, intellectually, physically or spiritually. Then, notice your body sensations. Don’t wait until you know before you speak. Speak ‘as if’ you know, and all the words to follow. Invite others to ask you questions. Play with saying ‘no’ and ‘yes’.Then, see what you can attract!

Copyright © 2007 Philip Johncock