Anger Management For Mums - Get Deliberate About Handling Anger

Anger in mums is universal. If you were to ask any mother they would more often then not tell you that motherhood has brought up some unwanted anger issues.

Sometimes it feels as if anger creeps up on you from behind, and over silly things too. I mean how important is a bit of food up your walls, or some water spilt onto the bathroom floor? Why does it matter that your child is running off giggling and playing games when you are trying to get them dressed? When we have finished our angry outburst and rationally reflect on these moments of fury, we often ask ourselves why we are falling into this repetitive cycle. Why can't we just chill out? Here are some suggestion as to why we get angry and what you can do to overcome your anger.

Change the picture

We create ideas, or pictures in our head of how something 'should' look. Perhaps you imagine being able to feed your child their food with minimal mess, or you imagine quickly throwing some clothes onto your child and then doing the dishes before running out the door. The game that the child is playing with getting dressed is different from the picture that you originally created and hence is chewing up your time to get the dishes done. The picture has changed and the opinions (thoughts) you create about the differences makes you feel stressed. Before you know it, anger has engulfed you.

Sometimes when we get attached to the pictures of how we expect something to go, and it doesn't turn out that way, because of your attachment to the original picture, you cannot accept this new reality and you start to resist it. You create a dialogue in your head about the differences between what has happened and what you expected. For example, "He keeps running off. All I wanted to do was dress him so I can get these dishes done. Why is it that every time I am in a hurry, he's running off? This really annoys me. When I get my hands on him, I'm gonna..."

Too late, anger has arrived. The progression of negative dialogue about the change between the picture and the reality (ie your thoughts) has created a feeling of building rage until release is imminent.

How to avoid anger in this instance:

Become aware of your thoughts and catch them out before they spiral from frustration into fury. You have to be deliberate in challenging these thoughts and creating a different conversation in your head. Try to use gratitude to change your thoughts, such as, "I'm grateful that he(my child) is in a happy mood." "I'm grateful that he's not throwing tantrums." Etc. When you change your thoughts, you will change your feelings.

Let Go of the Past

Anger often arises in motherhood because we cannot let go of the way we used to do things, or cannot accept how we currently live our lives. When you become a mother, everything about you changes. You change mentally, physically, emotionally, morally, ethically and spiritually. You cannot be the same person that you were before children. Sometimes, however, this change happens so quickly, that we don't stop to reflect on our current life and deliberately acknowledge the changes. Sometimes we are still attached to the old idea (picture) of how life used to be and how we ran our lives. For example, I used to do my housework in 4 hour straight sessions on a Saturday morning. I would also probably sit down and watch a movie on a Sunday afternoon or would spontaneously decide to go out for dinner on the weekend, or go away for a night or two. Now that I have children, I just cannot do some of these things without planning. Notice I didn't say that I can't do them at all? You can still do whatever you want, but as my girlfriend put it, "You find out what you want to do and then you plot and scheme around your children to do it."

How to avoid anger in this instance?

The reality of your life right now as you raise your children is not what it used to be. Deliberately acknowledge this change, and let go of any attachments to the way life used to be. Life's different now, so you must go about life differently. You may try to do things the way you used to, but if they don't work that way anymore, just accept that and find a different way to approach it.

These are only two of the many different ways that I can show you on how to handle anger. The first step to managing your anger, however, is to deliberately decide that you no longer wish to experience being angry. As obvious as that sounds, this decision need to be literally made and then find as many different ways as possible to align with this choice. Sometimes anger is an auto-pilot reaction and by making this conscious choice to manage your anger, you will switch back to manual and be more in control of your anger.

Anger management starts with a deliberate and conscious decision, only then will you find that ability to manage it.