Heterosexual people take being able to show each other affection in public for granted. Sadly for us it can be different. When you put your arm lovingly around your significant other walking down the street people can react as though you are having anal sex with diseased 3 legged Guinea Pig! It is so rare to see people from our communities showing affection in public that our relationships are largely invisible. The great news is that in certain circumstances, each one of us can start enjoying the freedom we deserve.
One sad fact is the need for safety. It probably wouldn’t be a good idea to hold hands with your partner while wearing a sequins lime green off the shoulder number in the main streets in the outer suburbs.
The two main emotions that prevent us from showing our affection for each other are fear and shame. While we’re comfortable showing affection with a group of friends, we might feel shame when with family or in public. Shame is the sense that people can see right inside of us into what is dirty, defective, weak or negative. This often comes from childhood experiences when people told us that being gay or lesbian is somehow filthy and wrong. Shame is a very powerful emotion that can lead to you avoid to be seen by others as being gay in public.
Fear is a strong primitive response designed to keep us safe Given that many of us have been bullied at school for being different, people can feel hypersensitive to being verbally abused. The risk of someone yelling out something abusive each time you’re affectionate in public can trigger an anxiety response that comes from school bullying. So it’s natural that you’d want to avoid doing anything that might put you straight back into the feelings from childhood.
The only ways to overcome shame and anxiety are to face them head on. So next time you are in a safe place in public with the person who is the love of your life, overcome your shame and fear by putting your arm proudly around them and feel what it is like to reclaim your freedom!
For more information please go to http://www.lgbtaustralia.com
Paul Martin is Principal Psychologist for Centre for Human Potential ( www.cfhp.com.au ) who has been specializing in LGBTI mental health for over 20 years. He has been voted as one of Australia’s 25 most influential gays and lesbians, is a columnist for GLBTI press in Brisbane, has appeared on radio and television regarding GLBTI issues and is regularly interviewed in the media and documentaries. He runs national workshops on Working Effectively with Gays and Lesbians for psychologists and counsellors and is an organizational consultant for corporations and government departments. Paul is the Principal Psychologist for Centre for Human Potential, a counselling and organizational consulting company in Brisbane specializing in diversity.