We Need to Pass a Law Against Distracted Listeners

I’m delighted that the law against distracted driving has become effective in Georgia, my residential and business base. Wherever you live, I imagine you have read about car crashes caused by drivers who were texting or talking on their hand-held cell phones, causing them to take their attention off the road-- sometimes with deadly repercussions. That’s why I consider this legislation long overdue, and a solid step toward safer travel.

Yet I wish some government agency somewhere could make distracted listening illegal, too. As acclaimed author Stephen Covey said so accurately in his pivotal book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

If you think back over conversations you have participated in at your workplace in recent weeks, I am sure you can identify several situations when you knew you were not getting anywhere near undivided attention from your conversation partners.

SIGNALS DISTRACTED LISTENERS GIVEYou can spot distracted listeners so easily. They look over your shoulder at a business after hours reception to find somebody they consider more deserving of their attention than you are.

Another signal: They interrupt you repeatedly, before you finish your sentences. At worst, they even finish your sentences for you, often making inaccurate assumptions about your thinking.

Distracted listeners make comments that show they didn’t pay attention to what you said two minutes ago. They pick up their smart phones to check messages. They shuffle through papers on their desks. They doodle. They start walking away while you are still talking.

IMPACT ON BUSINESS AND PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPSThe business results: Distracted listeners offend potential buyers, annoy current customers, disrupt meetings, damage team morale, misinterpret instructions, start rumors by misquoting corporate officers, and miss significant details. As a result, in many cases they reduce corporate profits.

The personal results: Distracted listeners weaken friendships, marriages, parental opportunities, and groups they join as volunteers. Eventually they are likely to damage their own self- esteem, when they see how negatively people react to their communication deficiency.

STOPPING OUR OWN DISTRACTED LISTENING
So much for talking about this problem generally. How can we stop our own distracted listening? Here’s a key that communication consultant Deborah Boswell told me. She noted that the word “listen” contains exactly the same letters as the word “silent.” Coincidence? Yes, of course. Even so, learning courteous silence can become a cornerstone for our professional and personal interactions.

And this reminds me of the sage observation I heard an executive make about a colleague: “He misses plenty of good chances to just shut up.”