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Scars and Forgiveness
– October 12, 2011
-Author Aleasa M. Word
Have you ever loved someone so deeply that you would do almost anything to save them from their own pain? Would you stand by and continue to let them know how much you care and how special they really are when they are mistreating you through their hurt? What happens when they can’t see through their own hurt and jaded perception to realize their immeasurable value?
Imagine being married and your husband or wife is the person hurting you. Imagine the pain being inflicted to you actually coming from your own child or some other immediate family member. Would that make it easier to deal with it because you know deep down they really love you? Or would this make it harder because you can’t fathom how someone who says they love you can treat you this way?
Theologians would most likely tell you that you must forgive and move forward as they quote bible scriptures. It would be said almost matter of-factly, without regard for the fact that we are still human. Even those who don’t believe in a greater power understand that this ISwhat we are SUPPOSED to do. Today’s real question, however, is what about the scar?
When our bodies become physically injured and our skin is broken or torn in some way we develop a scar. The scar comes from tissue that grows to repair the area. The problem with the scar is that it’s there and noticeable whether an internal or external scar. Our body may try to make up for the damage, but it is never returned to its original form. Even the most miniscule scar indicates there was damage that won’t go away.
Emotional scars are far more detrimental. There is no tangible cream to put on them to minimize the scar. There is no outward scar that screams “Hello, Damage Here!’” There is, however, a psychological scar that makes its way into almost every aspect of our lives. These scars can affect the way we love going forward. They can affect the way we think as well as who we trust and don’t trust. They can affect the choices we make for the rest of our lives even in our careers. Even with therapy, we have to train our minds to divert around the scar yet the scar is still there.
Love is and always has been what love will be. It helps us to deal with the scars in our life. It helps us to understand that forgiveness is for us and not just the other person. Forgiveness itself is the cream for the scars that life’s tragedies or losses have dealt to us. It is not an easy balm to come by for us. Even when we do place the balm of forgiveness on our wounds, they sometimes open back up like a gaping lesion.
The important thing we must come to term with is that we ALL have scars. We have large scars and we have small ones, but we do have them. Our attitude is the catalyst for the forgiveness we need to tend to our scars. No one has cornered the market on determining exactly how long it takes each of us to recover from emotional trauma, but it is possible to keep moving.
When we change our thinking, we realize the scars are reminders of the experiences in life that have molded us into who we are today. It is up to us to allow that experience to form a scar of love, understanding and true forgiveness of wrong doings that help build better people.
Aleasa Word, CLC, CEIC the owner of Allergy Words Consulting, LLC started her career working in critical Investment Support Administration Services over 20 years ago. Her career has spanned the areas of brokerage, high net worth & international portfolio management, proxy administration, trust investments and investment compliance & regulatory oversight. She obtained her Webmaster Certification at the University of Delaware, has a Diploma for Trust, Relationship and Investment Management through the American Bankers Association, is a certified Protect Allergic Children Consultant and is completing her BS in Organizational Dynamics at Wilmington University. She is also the author of a daily column entitled “The Wordallogic” which posts articles on various topics of interest on her company’s website.Ms. Word has had a long term interest in volunteerism. In the early 90’s she volunteered with Child Inc’s Welcome Baby Program. She provided assistance and support to mothers of newborns in the first six months of life in an effort to reduce the infant mortality rate. In 2005 Ms. Word served as Vice President of the founding board of Family Foundations Academy Charter School . She has served as Lactation Coordinator for her employer’s nursing mother’s program for six years and is a wellness committee member. Her most passionate causes include domestic violence prevention and food allergic & asthmatic awareness and advocacy. She began formally advocating for food allergic children through volunteer work with the Food Allergy Support Team of Delaware (F.A.S.T.) in 2007 where she served as co-chair. She is a Certified Food Allergy Education Consultant with the Protect Allergic Children Program a division of The ELL Foundation of Illinois as well as a member of their Advisory Board. Her affiliations also include a seat on the Adult Advisory Committee for the Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network(FAAN) along with a dual role as Chair of FAAN's Delaware Walk for Food Allergy, one of over 40 nationwide walks to raise awareness and fund research. In this capacity, she spearheaded the effort to have a proclamation issued by Governor Jack Markell, declaring Food Allergy Awareness week for the first time in Delaware's History in 2010. To add a layer of additional support on the local level, Ms. Word founded FAMSOD, the Food Allergic Multi-Cultural Society of Delaware in May of 2010. FAMSOD offers education, outreach, advocacy and social networking to the food allergic and asthmatic communities through cultural inclusion. As well as her accomplishments in the food allergic community, Ms. Word has been a strong supporter of teens & music for creative expression and behavioral re-direction. She has managed local singing groups for many years and served on the committee for AIDS Delaware's, Delaware Teen Idol Competitions since 2008 as Artist Development Director. From 2002-2003 Ms. Word also served as a talk show host for a program entitled 302 Pushing Gospel to the Edge which was directed at providing health, education and personal growth information to teens and young adults. Other partnerships include committee memberships with Healthy Kids Delaware, Delaware Domestic Violence Coalition, DE Family Support Initiative & AAUW. She also volunteers for the Delaware Emergency Medical Corp.