Mother Wounds: What Can Happen If A Man Wasn’t Seen By His Mother During His Developmental Years?

A man might not remember a great deal about what his early years were like but that doesn’t mean that he will have truly moved on from this stage of his life. However, if this stage of his life has more or less been blocked out by his brain, he won’t be able to realise this.

As a result of what he experienced and the impact that this had on him, though, he could now be in a bad way. In fact, he could have a life that is anything but fulfilling.

A Common Experience

So, he can often feel bad about himself and feel hopeless and helpless. The outcome of this is that he can spend a fair amount of time feeling down and depressed.

What this will illustrate is that his feelings will pull him down, with him not being able to see a way forward. The trouble is that if this is just what is normal, it might not be something that stands out.

Stepping Back

If he was to become aware of how he often feels, he could believe that it is solely because of what his life is like. He could then have a job that is soul-destroying and he might not be in a relationship.

As for the people in his life, he might not have any close friends. These are then going to be people who are more like associates than people who he feels deeply connected to and has a close bond with.

The key point

When it comes to each of these areas of his life, he could find that he doesn’t feel seen and heard. He will then exist but he will feel as though other people typically don’t acknowledge his presence.

Consequently, he is going to be deprived of the human presence that he needs to feel whole and complete. What this comes down to is that he is an interdependent human being, which is why his sense of self will be undermined without the right nutrients.

A Different Story

Nevertheless, what could have a big impact on how he feels about himself is if he receives attention from a woman that he finds desirable. During this time, it can be as though he is being given something that he desperately needs.

And, if things go further than this with a woman, it could have an even greater impact on his wellbeing. The downside is that if his time with her was to come to an end before long or after a while, he could end up hitting rock bottom.

A Dependent State

What this will show is that at an emotional level, he doesn’t feel like an interdependent human being; he feels like a dependent human being. This is why attention from others and certain women in particular will have such a big impact on him.

Therefore, without this attention, his sense of self will erode and he will be desperate for the attention of others so he can feel whole and complete. Yet, there can be another part of him, that doesn’t feel comfortable being seen.

What’s going on?

At this point, he could wonder why he is experiencing life in this way. For him to understand why he this way, it is likely to be a good idea for him to explore what took place during his formative years.

If he was to do this, what may end up standing out is that this was a time when his mother was emotionally unavailable and it wasn’t possible for him to attach to her. She would have been too caught up with her own needs to be truly there for him.

In The Shadow

This would have caused him to miss out on both the attunement and love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. What he needed was a mother who was emotionally available and able to attune to his needs and feelings.

If this had taken place, he would have gradually been able to develop a strong sense of self and a felt sense of worth and lovability. He would know that he exists and that he has worth and is lovable.

A Tough Time

Not receiving the attunement and love that he needed, would have stopped him from being able to go from being emotionally dependent to emotionally interdependent. And, as he was egocentric, he would have come to believe that there was something wrong with him and his needs.

To handle the pain of being deprived, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his developmental needs. The other part of this is that he would have been forced to create a disconnected false self.

Moving Forward

For him to gradually put this stage of his life behind him, he is going to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.