Long Distance Relationships....Making It Work For You!

You can make long distance relationships, including a marriage , work if you and your spouse are willing to work at it and be flexible with one another. Personally, we have never had to deal with this ourselves, but we know several couples who do, including a brother and sister-in-law, and they have had long very satisfying and successful marriages, but it was not easy for them. Nor will it be a simple task for any couple who endeavors to walk down that road less traveled.

Long distance relationships can begin in any number of ways, but in today's highly-mobile, internet-driven society these relationships begin more often than not by meeting someone online. Once that initial connection is made and there is mutual interest in pursuing an in-person, physical relationship then everything begins to happen in more "normal" fashion.

You know, Boy meets Girl, Girl and Boy share similar interests and tastes, Girl and Boy begin a physical relationship, then Girl and Boy fall in love, Boy asks Girl to marry him and give up her career and move to his city....Whoa! Wait a minute! Get something straight right now, mister, she has worked too hard to get where she is at in her career to give it all up that quickly. Well, so has he and he is not going to move for anyone!

Now what? They love each other completely. In fact, she has declared him her "soul mate" and he has called her "the love of his life". They want and need each other so now they must make the toughest decision of their life. Do they attempt an on-going long distance relationship and marriage knowing that the odds are against them being successful?

You may be surprised how much long distance relationships can mature, develop and grow if you work at it. I mean really work at it with passion and unbridled expressions of love. You will need to know and apply some simple rules, so your relationship can overcome the lack of daily physical contact and turn out to be a happy, fulfilling relationship and marriage .

So how do you do this?

Well, what we have learned from watching our relatives and friends is that when you combine excellent communication via phone calls, emails and snail mail you can create a pretty awesome intimate relationship. From the electronic and written communication, you will get to know each other in a deeper, more meaningful way by learning about your partner's qualities, values, ways of thinking, sensitivities, dreams and aspirations. This type of intimacy and open communication can make your physical coming together much more special.

Needless to say, marital relationships are already complicated enough, but a long distance relationship becomes all the more challenging. Hopefully, we can help you smooth out some of the rough edges with these thoughts and ideas:

Since you are going to be physically apart more than most married couples, an important key for developing a fulfilling partnership is a willingness to openly share your feelings with one another. You cannot be afraid to tell your partner what you really need and want from them. They deserve to know the truth about what you are thinking and determine whether they can give it to you.

You must stay in touch on a daily basis. You have to be available to one another despite the fact that you are not physically together. And when you do talk each day, don't just talk about love; you must keep each other informed on the day-to-day aspects of your lives. This way each of you is aware of how the other is thinking, feeling and developing. Late-night talks and thoughtful letters can convey a lot of what is most important in the long-term: your goals, values and dreams .

In long distance relationships, you must make your marriage a high priority by making sure you see each other on a regular basis. You have to have a lot of quiet and quality alone time for healthy sexual enjoyment of one another. You don't want your limited physical time together dominated by hanging out with friends and relatives. You may find that if you handle this part of your relationship right you will have a more satisfying and pleasurable marriage sexually because you cherish these times more than those couples who see each other every day.

The one thing that most people who have successful long distance relationships seem to have is flexibility with one another. You have be able to adjust quickly to different circumstances and situations. You can't get angry or jealous if one of you needs to change your daily talk time for one reason of another. You have to avoid being possessive, paranoid and insecure because these things will destroy the trust and love in your marriage.

As long as you both trust each other, communicate openly and regularly keeping each other informed about what is going on in your daily personal life and maintain a normal healthy sexual relationship when you are together then you can have a successful long distance relationship and marriage.

We would love to hear from some of you who are making this work in your married life. Contact us and let us know what makes your long distance marriage work.