We all hear this phrase. Live your authentic life. Whether it ’s on the latest self help blog or you happened to be tuned in to Dr. Phil, this seems to be the phrase that can stop us personal development junkies in our tracks. What, exactly, does this mean? If you aren’t living your “authentic life” right now, who is?
Last night I had a great discussion with my good friend about this very subject. I said my goal for 2009 was to do just this – live authentically. Wide eyed, my friend responded with, “me, too!” So, as I pondered over my coffee this morning, I decided to strip this down to what I think living an authentic life means according to Patti.
Rule #1 to finding your authentic self – Give yourself a break and recognize what you do right!
First, get real. Personally, I need to realize I can’t do it all and really need to make peace with this. My life – single mom of two teenagers, fiance, step daughter to be, two careers, a house that can be organizationally challenged with laundry baskets, one too many stale cereal boxes in the pantry, etc. You get it. I use each and every aspect of this list to beat myself up. Just as soon as I realize I had a very rewarding day at work, I come home to unmade beds and breakfast dishes in the sink and think to myself, “geez, I am a mess.” So, it is so important to shift your thinking in a more positive direction.
Rule #2 – Create more structure and organization with your priorities to make time for you.
In addition, prioritize and stay organized. I know, this sounds like I am your school teacher when I say this, but it’s true. The more you set your priorities and are more organized with your time, the more you are “on top of your game.” And, when you feel in control of your time and schedules, you feel better about yourself. (And, when you feel better about yourself, you are more apt to do more for yourself.)
Rule # 3 – Start differentiating between what others expect from you and what you want and expect from yourself. Once you do, you will realize what makes you happy which will, in turn, help you to live a “truer” life.
To reiterate – make time for what you like to do! So, when you give yourself a break and take more control of your scheduling and priorities, this should put you in a mindset to be nicer to yourself! Remember what you used to be passionate about and as Nike says, just do it! Strip down the layers and peel back the onion of responsibilities as to what other expect from you – all this has been programmed in your brain and you are becoming further and further from your authentic self.
Rule # 4 – Find methods on how to turn off negative mind chatter that creates us from living our life according to our own rules as opposed to that of what we think society expects from us. Whatever it takes, strip down and figure out how to take control of the criticisms we use as our template to live according to someone else’s rules.
Put a lid on the mind chatter. Once you feel like the ghosts of criticisms past creep up on you, find ways to squelch them. If it takes putting on some music to drown these negative “nay sayers” from your thoughts, do just that. Call a friend, go for a walk, talk to yourself in the mirror (don’t laugh, I have done this and been snagged by my 12 year old daughter!). Whatever you need to do to keep going in a positive direction, make sure you recognize how often we beat ourselves up over judgments made by others.
One of the most interesting people I have read about is Morrie Schwartz, from the book Tuesdays with Morrie. He so eloquently addressed this very issue in the importance of living your own personal culture. When Mitch, his former student, returns to visit Morrie 14 years after graduation when Morrie is on his death bed, Morrie realizes that Mitch is too caught up in life to experience life. Mitch no longer lives the life that he wanted, but the life that society expected from him (with more money, working hours, more stress). Ironically, Morrie is the one who helps Mitch realize this.
What is your own personal culture? How can you live the life you dreamed of and be your true blue self? Think about who’s life you are living today? Is it yours or the one that you think others expect you to live? Figure out the difference and realize that you have the ability to be the you were meant to be – at any time – any where. Once you realize the difference, you are one step closer to your authentic (and much cooler) self.
For more info on Transition Tips, you can visit my website at www.positivelifetransitions.com or my blog at www.divorcesolutionsforyou.wordpress.com
Patti's Bio
I am a forty something single mom of two awesome kids. In the past six years, I have: separated and divorced, finished a graduate degree with honor’s, started a part-time career as a writing instructor at a local college, opened up my own business as a transition coach, and as of November 2008, became newly engaged! In addition, as of June 13th, I will have finished my basic training to become part of the
Jersey Shore Collaborative Law Group. As you can see, it has been quite an eventful few years! However, I have never felt more fulfilled in my life.
How did I do it?
I can honestly tell you that I have utilized many of the same principles I learned in graduate school (I have an Master’s of Arts in Teaching) and applied them to my life. I thought, “What are my goals? Where do I want to be in one year – two years – five years? How am I going to get there?” (Think of this as being your own tutor!)
Like a teacher does with her class, I wrote out my lesson plans on how to achieve those goals. Hour-by-hour, day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month, slowly but surely, I kept my eye on those goals and made sure that I kept forging ahead, even on the days I barely could get out of bed. (On those days, I gave myself a gold star for even making myself a pot of coffee or going to the dry cleaners!)
This is a true testimony on how you can use a crisis to create a new path for your future. That is what I did. I took all the pain and suffering I had during my divorce, turned it around into a positive learning experience.
What is the magic formula that makes my business thrive?
I knew that knowledge was power and the better educated I was as to what I could expect from the divorce process, the better. I wanted to be one step ahead of the game when meeting with the professionals and my goal was to be the ideal client. I wanted to get the most for my money when meeting with my lawyers and other professionals for many reasons – I wanted to save money, not waste my time talking about emotional issues during our meetings and I wanted to get it over with as smoothly (and quickly) and possible.
In the meantime, I read and studied books on goal-setting and laws of attraction as well as countless books on divorce (refer to recommended book list) and interviewed many legal professionals.
While I was studying and researching the various aspects of divorce and how to do it right, so to speak, I would reward myself with reading books on how to achieve your dreams! As a result, Patricia Phelan Clapp M.A. LLC, the Transition Coach, was created!
You can do two things at once during times of crisis – you can work on YOU and go through the divorce process as skilled and knowledgeable as possible!
All you need to do is commit to wanting to move forward in a positive direction.
What will we do out your coaching sessions?
* We will find the necessary resources for you and clarify the various roles of the lawyer and other professionals as part of the legal process. In doing this, we will make it easier for those professionals to help you by implementing their legal, financial and psychological areas of expertise.
* We will focus on creating a positive client-based relationship that will give you the ability to compartmentalize the divorce process separate from your emotions.
* I will help you achieve your goals and find a balance between divorce and moving on with your life.
* A step-by-step plan will be devised on how to manage the legal and financial aspects of your divorce.
* In addition, personal goals will be set and a plan will be developed on how to achieve these goals.
* By creating a road map for you to follow during your divorce, we can concentrate on empowering you with the peace, self-respect and hope that may have been lost along the way.
Piff – Tomaro Professional Building
1704 Maxwell Drive
Suite 302
Wall, New Jersey 07719
(732) 865-5377
patti@positivelifetransitions.com
“Helping you find the resources you need to stay focused and balanced during times of transition.”