When we are thinking of making changes in our lives, all too often we look externally. We have a perfect picture in our heads about what life should look like, then we go about acting on life to give us whatever it is we think would be perfect. The only problem with this approach is that we are giving away our personal power.
Whenever we wait for certain things, people or conditions to be in place in order to be “happy,” what do we do in the meantime? I’ll be happy when my wife cooks more often or I’ll be happier if my husband were more romantic. Or I’ll be happy when my children start listening to what I say and stop sassing me every time I turn around. Or I’d be very happy at work if my boss would just recognize the contributions I make. This is when we want other people to match up to the perfect world we have created in our minds.
Then, there are those situations when we make our happiness contingent on certain things. I’ll be happy if I made more money. I can’t make more money until I finish my degree. I’ll be happy when we can have our own home. I’ll be happy if I can get a new job. I’ll be happy when my parents are healthy. Again, I ask, “What does one do in the meantime?”
While it is perfectly acceptable to hope for things to be different in your life and to strive to improve and make things better, it’s unacceptable to waste your life on negative emotions. There is a saying that you are what you think about and that what you keep in mind expands. So, if you are always focused on the negatives and the things you lack, then you will attract more negative into your life.
However, if you focus on the positive and what you have that’s good and helpful, then you will attract more positive things into your life. Which would you rather have? Then you must begin to change your thinking.
We have almost total control over our thinking. I know there are unwelcome thoughts that intrude on our consciousness every day. However, we have the power once they are there to focus our mind elsewhere. All we need is to have a plan in place that whenever I think about X, Y and Z—things I don’t want occupying my mind—then, I will think about my summer vacation instead, for example. Focus on any positive experience—past, present or future.
So why do you have to be the one who changes when it is obvious that the “other person” is the one with the problem? Inside Out Empowerment helps people put ownership of a problem where it belongs—with whoever is the most upset about it. If you are angry because your husband doesn’t take the trash out on time, then which one of you is the most upset with the situation? You are—so it’s your problem. Your husband probably doesn’t even notice that the garbage is an issue.
If you are certain your boss is a controlling, arrogant jerk, do you think he or she is lying awake at night trying to figure out how to be more sensitive? Most likely not. He or she is not even acknowledging a problem. Fixing the problem comes with correct problem attribution. Whose problem is it? Problems belong to the one most disturbed by them and it is that person’s job to seek the solution.
Most of human suffering is our resistance to what exists in our life. We become quite power hungry trying to change others to meet our needs. What would happen if you simply accepted everyone where they are at, without exception? What if you recognized that things are already perfect just the way they are? Could you be more content and happier with the life situations that already exist?
Inside Out Empowerment teaches individuals first to attribute the problem to the correct individual and then works with the problem owner to adjust his or her behavior . This allows the unhappy person to be in the driver’s seat with his or her own emotions. Starting from the inside out, people empower themselves by adjusting their own thoughts and behavior to manage whatever life throws at them.
Inside Out Empowerment enables you to unleash your personal power in a profound way. What are you waiting for? Find out more about it today. Go to Self-Development with Choice Theory and read about the workshop in Choice Theory, which is the foundation upon which Inside Out Empowerment is based. Do it today!
Kim Olver is a life and relationship coach. Her mission is to help people get along better with the important people in their lives, including themselves. She teaches people how to live from the inside out by empowering them to focus on the things they can change. She in an internationally recognized speaker, having worked in Australia, Europe and Africa, as well as all over the United States and Canada. She is the creator of the new, revolutionary process called, Inside Out Empowerment based on Dr. William Glasser's Choice Theory. She is a public speaker and provides workshops in the areas of relationships, parenting, and a variety of self-growth topics. She is the author of Leveraging Diversity at Work and the forthcoming book, Secrets of Successful Relationships. She co-authored a book with Ken Blanchard, Les Brown, Mark Victor Hansen and Byron Katie, entitled 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. She works with individuals, couples, parents, social service agencies, schools, corporations and the military--anyone who will benefit from gaining more effective control over their lives. She has consulted on relationships, parenting, self-development, training, leadership development, diversity, treatment programs and management styles.