Independence Is Strengthened By Your Assertive Behaviour With others

As July 2011 fades off into the sliding sunset, it is time to contemplate on the two historical events in two great nations – Independence Day July 4th USA and Canada Day - its 144th Birthday, July 1, Independence and standing in your power as the person you are meant to be seems like a good topics for a post reflecting this month. Embracing and celebrating both your independence and standing up for who you were born to be is just as important as the fireworks displayed within our two great nations.

An important way to assert your independence and hold you steadfast in your power is to strengthen the way you assert yourself with others. Being full of self-love helps you to stand up for yourself – be assertive with communicating your wishes and desires. To be assertive isn't to say you are mean, demanding or rude. I am not encouraging you to become pushy or annoying. It just means that you say the truth and get things done. You know what you want and how to get it in a manner that is respected be everyone who associates with you.

What is assertive behavior ?

Assertive behavior is:
* Standing up for one's rights no matter what the circumstance. Believe in yourself and others will respect and believe in you also.
* Correcting the situation when one's rights are being violated. If you can not correct it then take a stance and remove yourself from it.
* Seeking respect and understanding for one's feelings about a particular situation or circumstance. Showing respect towards others easily attracts respect towards yourself.
* Interacting in a calm, mature manner with those found to be offensive, defensive, aggressive, hostile, blaming, attacking or otherwise unreceptive.It takes two to have an altercation. When one is calm the confrontation resolves itself very quickly.
* Direct, upfront--not defensive or manipulative--behavior. Those using assertive behavior confront problems, disagreement, or personal discomforts head-on, and their intent is unmistakable to others.Do not pass "the buck", diffuse a volatile situation quickly and efficiently by "nipping it in the bud."
* Verbal "I" statements, where individuals tell others how they feel about a situation, circumstance or the behavior of others. Stand in your power and speak from your heart and soul.
* Being able to protect one's rights while protecting and respecting the rights of others. Don’t be pushy and feel you are the only one with rights that matter. Others rights and opinions have importance even if you don't happen to side with them.
* Risk-taking behavior that is not ruled by fear of rejection or disapproval, but is directed by the rational belief that "I deserve to stand up for my rights."
* Self-affirmation of personal worth, respect and rights.Self-talk is important to keep your vibration at a level that will help to keep your self-esteem high.
* Discover a healthy style in which to conduct interpersonal relationships. There will be mistakes and that is "OK" - just forgive yourself, learn the lessons and more forward.
* Finding a "win-win" solution in handling problems between two individuals:

For example:
The "you win and I lose" solution is a passive solution where one individual gives up his rights to another.
The "you lose and I win" solution is an aggressive solution where one individual ignores the rights of another in order to get his way.
The "you lose and I lose" solution is a total passive solution where both individuals give up their rights. A healthy resolution is impossible.
The "you win and I win" solution is an assertive solution where the rights of both parties are recognized, respected and utilized in reaching a healthy compromise.

Six Steps to Attaining Strong Positive Self-Assertion
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1. Work on your outward appearance. - How you look tells a lot about you. If you look like you're put together and ready to take on the day, people will know what to expect from you. Having a deep respect for yourself will compel others to respect you in the same manner.

2. Have a confident, steadfast demeanor. You give away a lot before you even open your mouth. Breathe deeply several times before you speak, giving you a chance to say exactly what you want to communicate lessening the chance for miscommunication. Try not to be easy to read, even if you are nervous or uncertain.

3. Use a clear, calm voice at all times. You don't need to be loud or condescending, but you do need to make yourself heard. Practice projecting your voice in a light, joyful but confident tone when addressing others around you.. Being concise helps you get the point across in a confident manner.

4. Believe in yourself and know what you want. Whether you're speaking to a bank teller or a waiter, their job is to serve you and you'll make their job about ten times easier if you know what you want. It is much easier for anyone to do what you ask of him or her if you can tell him or her clearly what it is you want.

5. Know when to fight for what you want and when to “let go”. Like anything else in life, being assertive is about balance. It's important to get what you deserve in life, but it's just as important to understand what it is that you deserve in the first place! Choose your battles wisely. Don’t waste precious energy absorbed in needless conflict.

6. Don't misdirect your frustration. Generally when we lash out at someone it is our frustration at our own behavior we are pinning on another. It is important to understand the root of our frustration and deal with it in a respectable manner. We are the masters of our actions, so we need to take responsibility and choose carefully how we act towards others.

This is a very simplistic overview to becoming more self-assertive but if you follow these steps one small increment at a time, your self-assertive manner will increase and strengthen. This will make a difference in how you see and hear yourself as well as how others receive you.