How To Make Your Husband Stay When He Wants To Leave: How To Make Him Stay When He Wants To Leave

How To Make Your Husband Stay When He Wants To Leave: How To Make Him Stay When He Wants To Leave

Marriage is a very special union of two people, brought together to live their lives as one. Sometimes marriage has its troubles, and the couple, or at least one spouse, finds themselves trying to save a marriage on the brink of divorce .

Before you even consider getting a divorce , think about the consequences. A divorce brings a lot of pain and sometimes resentment. If you have kids, they will become torn between the two of you. A lot of times, the kids think that the divorce is their fault. It brings emotional turmoil and is very expensive. Some divorces take years to finalize. These are just some of the reasons to try to save a marriage on the brink of divorce.

Two people, no matter how much in love they are, or how close they are, will eventually disagree. These disagreements can be slight, or they can be over something big, which can easily lead to full blown arguments and fighting.

Why is your marriage in trouble? Are one of you feeling neglected, or unloved?

If so, now is the time to take a step in the right direction, and show your partner some affection. Show them that you do love them. Sometimes life's stresses affect our marriage . It is important that we don't let it. Taking small steps now will greatly improve your chances of saving your marriage.

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Take a moment to remind yourself of the best times in your marriage. Try to relive those times. This will bring happiness back into your marriage, if only for a short while. When the two of you are happy together, you will see that your marriage definitely IS worth saving, and it will be much easier to turn it around.

You may want to consider marriage counseling. This can be tricky, though, because of the expense. Besides that, both spouses may not agree to counseling. If you are lucky enough to have a spouse that agrees to counseling, then you should do it. Research counselors online before you go to one.

Talking to your spouse is very important, but it can be hard sometimes. When something is troubling you, bring it up in conversation. Just say what is bothering you, and then ask your spouse what they think. This will open a line of communication between you, and will make your spouse feel like you do, indeed, care about what they think.

Ask your spouse if they have any worries or concerns about your marriage, and how they think the problems can be solved.

Spending quality time together, especially now, is also very important. You don't have to spend money to do this. Watch some TV together, or a movie. make some popcorn and just sit quietly together. Spending time with each other, without fighting, will help the two of you to relax together.

By taking the tension out of your marriage, even for a little while, you will both remember why you got married in the first place. When you are trying to save a marriage from the brink of divorce, you have to first ease the stress. the two of you will be able to work things out together when you are calm, and can take time to be together and not think about the problems in your marriage.

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Here it is! My Top 10 Ways to NOT Save Your Marriage ! These are the mistakes I see day-in and day-out. Avoid these mistakes if you want to save your marriage. Commit these mistakes at your own risk!

10) Do nothing! Don't worry, the crisis (problem, situation, incident, threat, etc.) will pass!

Ah, the old "bury your head in the sand approach!" The reality is, it is very unlikely that the crisis will simply pass. Let's be honest: over time, this strategy builds up more and more resentment, then finally, everything falls apart. You can act surprised at that point, but you will know, deep down inside, that you ignored things way too long.

It is a cumulative effect, a marriage crisis. Rarely is there one "precipitating event" that suddenly ends the marriage. Instead, it is the problem ignored that adds to all the other problems ignored, which finally creates so much frustration that the "house of cards" falls.

So, the first useless strategy, just do nothing!

9) Refuse to get any outside help. Who needs it? You can do this yourself!

When you are in the middle of a marriage crisis, it is not time to "figure it out!" One of my favorite quotes is from Albert Einstein, "the same level of thinking that created the problem will not solve the problem." In other words, when we only use the thought processes that led us into trouble, we will not find a way out of the problem.

We all get stuck in our thought patterns. Once we establish them, we don't change much. Think about it: don't all of your spousal arguments basically follow the same pattern. Doesn't your daily routine pretty much go the same? We like "sameness," and change is a bit of a threat. Even the painful sameness is better than the unknown -- at least that's what we tend to believe.

Problem is, we find ourselves stuck, and without outside help and information, nothing will change, even if you want it to.

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8) Grab some "free advice!" Hey, free is good, right!

Almost always, free advice is worth about that -- nothing! When you are injured, do you seek out some "free advice" on that injury? Or when you need some legal advice, do you just get some "free advice?"

So why, when your most important relationship is on the line, would you just try to use some free advice? Look, we live in a "transaction society." We make trades and transactions to get what we don't have. And knowledge is no different. People who give away advice are rarely giving away anything worthwhile.

The real question, if free is your goal, is how much do you REALLY treasure your relationship? If I told you how to save $20,000 instantly, would you pay for it? Well, that is the minimal cash value of your failed marriage. In other words, a divorce in the U.S. averages $20K. Save your marriage, save $20K.

And what about having a wonderful, loving, peaceful marriage? What is the worth of that? Really, what price would you put on that? I ask because I know of plenty of people who think nothing of grabbing a $4 coffee drink every day, a couple of $3 packs of cigarettes every day, a $30 bottle of wine on the weekend, subscribe to a $100 cable system, blah, blah, blah. Then, when they go looking for advice to save their marriage, want to find some free advice.

It is always about value, and the value you place on your marriage. Free advice? Probably more costly than you can ever realize in the long run.

7) Get some good books , then leave them on the bookstand. Maybe your spouse will at least think you are doing something!

We authors don't like to admit this, but statistics show that upwards of 80% of self-help books that are bought are never read. Imagine that! The answer may be right there! You took the time to get a resource, either because the cover looked nice, somebody recommended it, or because you were desperate.

Then, onto the bed stand it goes, underneath the magazines , the daily paper, that good novel. . . then suddenly, it is lost.

The very bit of information that could save your marriage, stuck at the bottom of a stack, never to be read. Sound familiar? If so, time to dust off the information and give it a read! At least give it a chance. You've already invested your money in it. Why not give it a test drive?

6) Read the information, but then don't do anything! It won't work in your situation, anyway!

OK, so you dusted off that information, and even read it. . . but then you took no action! Maybe the information seemed impossible, far-fetched, too easy, too complicated, or just dead wrong! Now you do need to use your better judgement, but perhaps it is worth a try!

What you've been doing has clearly not gotten the results you wanted. So, perhaps it is time to try something new. Sometimes, new thinking seems foreign, unnatural. But it is really like anything new: repetition builds skill. What seems awkward begins to feel more natural. Suddenly, what seemed impossible seems elementary.

Again, remember Einstein's quote. Doing what you've done hasn't gotten you what you want. What's the risk of trying something different?

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5) Get bad information from unqualified sources. Hey, any information is better than no information. . . right?

As you have already discovered, there are lots of "experts" willing to make a buck, er, tell you how to save your marriage. Be sure your "expert" is really just that. At a minimum, make sure they actually have some training, not just their own experience! They don't have to have a Ph.D., but if they can't tell you about their training, other than "been there, done that," move on!

Experts are experts because they have worked in the field, received training, and have some ideas on how to help you. The others are experts in marketing. Be sure and distinguish between the two.

Remember way back when the barbers who cut hair were also the "doctors?" They weren't trained, caused lots of damage, but that was the only choice. Well, we don't live in the "wild West" anymore, and there are plenty of real experts. Get their advice and avoid the damage of well-meaning but ill-equipped "experts."

4) Do everything at once! Hey, if a little is good, a lot is better. . . right?

Wrong! Many marriages have suffered from neglect for too long, until one day someone wakes up and says "enough." Then the other person jumps into high gear! They try to make "date nights," meaningful conversations, do the housework, get another job. . . just about anything to make it work!

Instead, pick a couple of things. Be consistent with them, and try a slow approach. Building from zero takes some time. But if you try the "everything at once" approach, you will scare your spouse away.

3) Argue, beg, plead, and show your emotions. Surely your spouse will see your sincerity to save the marriage!

This is a very common situation. You see, we all are master "scriptwriters," often ready for Hollywood. . . at least in our minds! We assume a spouse will see the wisdom of our logic, emotions, begging and pleading. Problem is, they are working off a different script.

If I throw someone a rope and when they grab it, I start pulling, their reflex is to pull back, matching power with power. It is no different in verbal tug-of-war. The harder I try to convince someone of something counter to what they have said, the reflex for that person to become even more entrenched in the belief.

So the arguing, "reasoning," begging and pleading have the opposite effect and actually hasten the dissolution of the relationship.

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2) Let your spouse know your theory about how this is really about their "issue." Then they will see how unhealthy they are!

Here is how to throw even more gas on the fire: when your spouse says he or she wants to leave, point out how it is a) their midlife crisis, b) they are never satisfied, c) really about their dysfunctional family , c) some other diagnosis you read about or saw on Oprah or Dr. Phil.

You may be dead-on! Problem is, you are not going to be seen as an objective provider of a diagnosis. Instead, you will only be strengthening the sense of frustration that your spouse is feeling. Diagnosis is best done, if at all, by an impartial, outside expert or by one's self.

1) Try to prove how much you need them! Surely, just seeing they are needed will get them to stay!

Neediness is never attractive, and when someone wants to leave, feeling the neediness only throws fuel on the fire. People want to be wanted, but not desperately needed! And in the midst of a crisis, the last thing someone wants is to feel manipulated.

I've seen people threaten to kill themselves to prove how much they need the other person. I have seen people refuse to pay bills, eat, take care of the kids, take care of the house, etc., etc., etc. And in every case, the person who wants out says "see?" It's hard to argue with that. Being needy is never attractive, and is even more so when someone wants nothing more than to not be needed.

Well, that is MY top ten list of how NOT to save a marriage while trying to save it. I could go on for many more. I think I have seen every mistake possible.

My hope is not that you become discouraged, but that you think through what you are doing and how you are doing it as you try to save your marriage. There is little more noble or heroic in today's society than trying to hold a relationship together. I just want to stress the need to do so in helpful, not harmful ways.

Are you tired of living in a relationship in which you feel neglected ? Many married people find themselves feeling alone and rejected by their spouse. If you feel taken for granted, there's a way to change that now.

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One of the reasons why marriages fail is simply because people do not make their marriage a priority. And by the time they figure this out it's too late. I have often said, "If you sacrifice your marriage and family to be a success in business then you have lost it all." Your relationship with your spouse is much more important than your job.

Let me share with you some of the ways you can make your marriage a priority. Remember a good marriage does not happen by accident. It requires hard work. Now here are some things you can do to make your marriage a priority.

1. Sit down with your spouse. Make a list of all the things you are both doing in your lives. And if you have children list all the things they are doing. Then decide what activities are hindering you from spending proper time together. Then remove those things from your schedule.

Now this is the problem. Most people are too busy and too tired to put time into their marriage and family. If they see the need to change their priorities they add things rather than subtract things from their schedule. The only way you can make your marriage a priority is to remove something from your schedule.

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2. Make sure you and your spouse have time to communicate each week. That's why I often suggest to couples that they have a date night. A few hours once a week of uninterrupted time each week with one another. A date night helps couples to enjoy one another.

But Couples often think a date night requires a lot of money. But the opposite is true. It's just a matter of being creative. Even if you just go to a local coffee shop you are together doing something positive. You can go out for coffee for less than $5.00.

3. Set boundaries between work and family . You were never meant to work seven days a week. God has given us six days to work, and one day for worship and rest. And if you work seven days a week then this will in time affect your health, your marriage, and family.

But make sure you are clear about the difference between family time and work time. If possible leave your work at the office then you can concentrate on family at home. Research has shown we get more done at work if we make the family our priority.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

Click here to save your marriage and rebuild it into a more connected, satisfying relationship.