How To Get Your Partner To Listen

Have you ever felt like you were talking to a wall when you were trying to talk to your partner? Getting your partner to listen, especially to your concerns can be difficult. Remember that you deserve to be heard in your relationship. There are some things that you can do that will make it easier for your partner to really hear what you want him or her to hear.

ListenListening, really listening to your partner and trying to see things from his or her perspective increases the chances that s/he will listen to you.

Be ConciliatoryAttacking means that you will not be heard. Not in the way you want anyway. When you attack your partner, those stinging words will be forever burned into their memory. But instead of being connected to thoughts from your partner like, “maybe I need to change.” They will connect with thoughts about how unkind or what a jerk you were.

ClarifyWords mean different things to different people. When you find yourself butting heads with your partner, it may be helpful, rather than simply restating your position to clarify what you mean. Try to explain your position in terms that your partner cannot misunderstand. Rather than saying how important something is to you, use an example of something that you know is important to your partner.

Use I statementsI statements feel less threatening. They allow you to take responsibility for your feelings when you are communicating to your partner. Saying things like you make me so mad, you are such a slob, why can't you ever, are probably the quickest way to shut off your partner's willingness to listen.

Be PositiveCommunicate mostly positive. Smiles and kindness work wonders on opening ears. When most of what you say to your partner is loving and kind, the response you get when expressing a concern will be a greater willingness to listen. Also make sure you turn your concerns into positive requests.

Ask for feedbackGive your partner an opportunity to express how they feel about your concerns. Showing that you care about their feelings may help them to care about yours. Be open minded, they may have some helpful ideas.

Watch your tone of voice
Most of our communication comes from body language and tone of voice. The actual words that you speak can be received in completely different ways depending on your tone of voice. Your tone of voice can say to your partner either you think s/he is a jerk or a sweetheart or a whole range in between. Which do you think would be easier for your partner to hear?

Be Solution Rather Than Problem OrientedMake a plan; take communication to the next step. Do not just complain. Try brainstorming for possible solutions or for ways to adapt or live with things that do not seem to have a solution. Focusing on the solution rather than the problem means that you are not out to prove that your partner is wrong. You are instead trying to find ways to make things good for both of you.

Remember that communication is a skill and possibly and art. You can with practice, improve your communicating ability and potentially make it a beautiful give and take.