How to Empty Your Basket of Resentment

Are you ready to go deeper into working on your relationship? Ready to learn how to clear a withhold? Yep. That's right -- a "withhold" - something you are holding back from sharing with your sweetie.

You know...how you were angry that he left the toilet seat up? Or she didn't buy your favorite kind of cereal but a "store-brand" instead? How many times will she walk past the laundry without folding it and didn't he say he was going to rake the lawn before our first snowfall????? Ugh!!!

It's fairly easy to fill up the basket of resentment (said affectionately). When couples come to see me, their baskets are usually full. And we spend valuable time, step-by-step emptying them out! Soon, you can both see the bottom (and I imagine you looking into the basket together now...curious what is left. Keep reading and you'll find out).

So...here's a new technique for you to try out called "Clearing Withholds" (modified from what The Human Awareness Institute teaches so well!)

These 5 steps will take you through a process of coming back to a place of LOVE! It's easy...come on, follow me!

1. Invite your partner into a conversation by asking him/her if s/he has time to have a conversation with you. Bring a stone or a stick or other sacred object with you. Remember if your partner isn't ready, ask when s/he will be and choose a time later that day.

2. Create a quiet space for yourselves and designate anywhere from 10-20 minutes. Set a timer and honor the bell.

3. Whomever is speaking will hold the sacred object. The other is in the listener role.

4. Always begin with, "I have a withhold are you willing to hear it?" Use "I" statements while sharing something from the basket of resentment. For example: "I keep thinking you are going to rake the leaves and every time I walk by the pile in the front yard, I feel angry at you. I somehow feel like you don't care about me."

5. If you are the listener, you simply say "thank you." There is no response other than "thank you." When clearing withholds, there is no back and forth discussion necessary. The practice is about letting your partner get something off his/her chest (so to speak) and being heard. Later on you may want to give her more information on the subject, but that's for a later time.

If you have something to clear, then you may switch. Just make sure if you are speaking, that you are holding the sacred object.

TANTRA TIP: Sit back-to-back on the floor with cushions underneath you. Provide enough support for your partner so that you are equally comfortable giving your weight and leaning back. Work at this a bit -- you'll be surprised how your body may habitually want to support itself in some way. Have pillows available for under your knees to increase comfort and letting go into the support of your sweetie. Relax. Take a deep breath. Notice the connection to your partner from the base of your spine all the way up your back! Coordinate your breath -- breathe in/out together. Imagine the breath coming up from your spines together to the top of your heads and then back down as you exhale. Together. Continue for 5 minutes. Enjoy the sweet connection, love and support!