Possible reasons of multi-tasking during sex can vary considerably: from boredom due to predictability of sexual routine; stress and anxiety stemming from work; habitual need to overachieve; to genuine lack of time in juggling work and household chores. Sexual inhibition from any kind of trauma, pain, or discomfort may also cause one to disengage or disassociate mentally.
If the male believes that his partner is guilty of being disengaged during sex, the best way is to talk about his observations openly and concerns non judgments, definitely not accusatively. He could admit his own difficulties in consciously put worldly obligations aside, and set this time as one of surrender and receptivity to the stimulus that his partner invokes. Perhaps he can then go on to invite his partner to experience surrendering and letting go to him as a supreme form of nakedness and vulnerability.
Some ways you can begin is inviting her to focus on her breathing when engaged in sex. Another technique is to be mindful that she wants to stay in her body and sensations running through it (versus being in the brain and thinking). She might close her eyes and really focus on the sensations running through her body triggered by your touch. Look into your partner’s eyes, observe her breathing and imagine the sensations running through her body. Experiment with new types of touch, try to recognise what sensations are spine-tingling for her, and strive to achieve increased comfort with physical intimacy . With better awareness of your partner’s body, as well as your own, your relationship can be strengthened and sexual excitement heightened.
Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com .