From Where I’ve Come (Bill’s Story)

So here I sit, about to do my first blog for www.singledadstown.com . Heck, one year ago I didn’t even know what a Blog was. Now I’m a blogger. What a difference a year makes. Or in my case 5 years make, but I’ll get to that in a minute. I think that it is important that I let you know why I am doing this and what I hope to accomplish with my blog. First, I am doing this because I believe that single dads deserve to have a voice in today’s society. They need to learn from each other about what works and what doesn’t work in their unique world. They need to be inspired and motivated to accomplish things that they never believed were possible when they first became a single dad. I hope that my blog will be able to do just these things. I intend in the beginning to blog weekly. Hopefully the frequency will increase as the need does for both myself and others. I also hope that if you know of other single dads or dad related blogs you would be kind enough to pass mine on. There are over 2.5 million of us out there. Imagine what we could do if we all worked together.

Now let me tell you my story. Five years ago I thought that I was “living the american dream” and in reality I was. I had a wonderful wife Sara, two beautiful children, a nice home, financial security, a successful business and many friends and family . I often wondered why I was so fortunate when others were not? Maybe I shouldn’t have wondered this so often because that “dream” was about to come crashing down at my door step. In 2003 I became aware that Sara had a drinking problem. Well I thought “no problem” I will just let her know that it needs to stop and life will go on. Funny how naive we can be with things that we don’t thoroughly understand. Little did I know that there were a lot of things I was about to not fully understand. Anyone who has ever been around alcoholism already knows what I was about to learn. You are not going to fix the problem, only the alcoholic is going to fix the problem. Well it took me an intervention and two rehab centers to learn that. I was powerless in my quest to help Sara. What I did learn very quickly was that I needed to help my children. I needed to help them process what was happening to our family . This was the beginning of me becoming a single dad.

I have to be honest, I often wondered how was I ever going to care for my children, get them to school, get them to activities, help with homework, deal with the emotional issues and try to make sense of it. I was convinced that my kids would become an anchor around my waist until Sara came back to us. I believed that I was about to start a long and slow drowning process. But to my surprise, just the opposite occurred. Those two wonderful kids became my motivation, my inspiration my reason to smile and my reason to do everything in my power to become a successful single dad. I researched, I studied, I asked for help and I relied upon my instincts. I was starting to figureout this Mr. Mom thing …and then came the divorce papers.

Well as anyone knows who has been through divorce first comes the separation. In my case Sara was required by the court to move out. Now I am officially a 24/7 single dad. No worries, just call up a babysitter set a schedule and head back to work. NOT… kids get sick, babysitters aren’t always available and who do you trust to be there with your kids when you are not? I was fortunate to have a friend of a friend home from college to help me during this time. I was starting to get back on track, or so I thought.

You see, my successful business was now starting to suffer. The income that I had always relied upon was starting to dry up. Darn, I now have an alcoholic wife, my children don’t have their mother at home, I am in the middle of a very costly and time consuming divorce , income is dwindling and expenses are growing and I am responsible for raising two healthy, happy and emotionally stable children. No problem per my mom. She loves to say the “God only puts as much on your shoulders as you can handle” I hate that saying because instead of being 6’1” tall I was starting to feel like I was 2’4” short. Well the divorce trudged on for two years but as everything else in life, it had an end. Divorces are never good. If you are considering one please do everything in your power to make it work first. You never want to look back and ask yourself “was there something else I could have done different”?

I am fortunate to be a very positive and optimistic person. I try to see the good in everything. As the old saying goes, the only difference between an optimist and a pessimist is that an optimist has more fun at living life. This was true for me because I embraced my new life with the kids as a gift from God. Although Sara was not living with us we were prospering in our lives. Sara would see the kids occasionally, but at least they knew she was there. And then the world stopped again for us.

In June of 2007 I received a call that Sara had passed away in her home at the age of 44. There is a strange finality to a call like that. First it numbs you, second it angers you and third it kicks you right in the gut. As an adult can never really prepare yourself for death , but as a child how do you even begin to make sense of it all? I had to tell my children what had happened to their mother. It was two days after school got out for their summer vacation. I will never forget the time of day, the location, or the reactions that we all had. It was truly surreal. I pray that none of you ever have to go through what we did on that day, or the days that followed. I also had to tell Sara’s 79 year-old mother, who was living in a nursing home, that the daughter she just adored, had died. Again I will never forget the emotions, location, and time of day that a wonderful woman found out that she had lost a child. Through out it all my only concern was everyone else. I had the responsibilities of children emotions, issues, estates and now caring for my 79, soon to be 80, year-old mother-in-law. Needless to say I had my hands full but God seems to have a way to help everyone out in their time of need. You see my mother-in-law was really never the same after her daughter’s death so in November of the same year God took her to be with her daughter in heaven.

You may be saying right about now I need to get off this Blog. This guy has some bad Karma going and if you did I wouldn’t blame you. What you don’t know is that I am still the most positive, lucky and blessed dad in the world. I have two amazing children who are developing into wonderful individuals at the ages of 12 and 14. Yes I have been through a lot but I have learned even more. It is with passion and conviction that I hope to create a blog that can help each of you with your challenges. You see if my children and I can survive and prosper as a healthy, happy and loving family so can you. Each week I hope to bring you stories and ideas that have truly benefited my family. I hope to inspire, motivate and encourage each of you and I hope that you will do the same for me. So until my next blog always remember that “Anyone Can Be A Father, It Takes A Special Person To Be A Dad”.