Dear Dr. Romance :
I saw your responses from divorce 360 web site and was really impressed with your thoughts on relationships! I've been married for 18 years with 3 children. I am a very active Dad (Basketball/baseball coach for all of them) but my marriage has been very unhealthy for most of the marriage . My wife and I have had our time with therapy and her therapist stated that she had obsessive-compulsive disorder, but my wife also has control and anger problems! One example is, she actually got into my face and yelled at me when I was cleaning the dishes - All because I she wanted me to use the dishwasher. Once, my oldest son told her during their argument that my psoriasis was caused by her. Yes, when she manipulates, gives me the finger for whatever reason, twists my words around so we can't talk and discuss things rationally, the itching is more severe and persistent with my psoriasis sores. My problem is my children's adjustment if I leave and myself trying to cope with the poor friend of the court visitation schedule!
Dear Reader:
You said you and your wife were in therapy, but have you gone to therapy yourself? Please try either therapy or Co-Dependents Anonymous to get help in dealing better with your wife and her problems. If you do need to get a divorce, you'll need some expert help in how to go about it. You also need to know that you did everything you could to make the marriage work. It sounds as if you're being passive/aggressive in the face of your wife's OCD. She needs help (OCD is curable) and so do you. How to Be Happy Partners will help you and your wife learn to work together, and "Guidelines for finding and using Therapy Wisely" will help you make sure you're seeing the right therapist. You're right that divorce will be difficult for your children and yourself. It's worthwhile to work on the problems to see if they can be fixed.
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
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Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.