Boundaries: Why Can't Some People Take No For An Answer?

When it comes to being successful, it is often said that one shouldn’t take no for an answer and that they should keep going. As if they were to give up after they experience negative response, they are not going to get very far.

It is then going to be in their best interest to be persistent and not to let anything stand in their way. Through having this approach, it may only be a matter of time before they start to make progress.
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Resilience

What this will also do is to allow them to gradually develop their mental and emotional strength. They may then get to a point where it no longer bothers them when someone says that they can’t do something, or when they are not given the answer they are looking for.

It will then be a lot easier for them to take action when they need to, as they won’t be focused on what kind of response they will get. Ultimately, one is not going to allow other peoples responses to define their life.

Focus

One way of looking at this would be to say that they will be primarily concerned about their own needs. This could then show that they have a strong with connection to what is taking place within them and that they are not willing to overlook their own purpose.

But while this is clearly the right way to be when it comes to making progress in life, it is not going to always the best approach to take. One area where it won’t be appropriate for one to be this way is when it comes to their relationships.

Human Beings

When it comes to other people, one could realise that they can’t make them do things, and that they have to accept that there will be moments when they won’t say yes. However, one could believe that this is to be expected; especially as they have their own feelings and needs.

So although one might get annoyed when this happens or feel let down, they won’t act as though the other person has done anything wrong. Through being this way, there is a strong chance that the people in their life have the same outlook.

Boundaries

What this will show is that one will know where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. If they tried to force someone to do something, they would know what this would mean that they are violating their boundaries.

And through using their ability to empathise, they would see that this would be the wrong thing for them to do. During this time, they may start to get angry, and this is because they would be imagining what it would be like if someone tried to do this to them.

A Choice

Therefore, when one asks someone if they want to do something and they agree, it is likely to be due to the fact that they want to do it. In the same way, if someone is friends with them it is also going to be because they want to be.

It could be said that this is how life should be and that people shouldn’t be in a position where they do things or are friends with people for any other reason. Yet there are going to be plenty of people who don’t experience life in this way.

A Challenge

One could find that they often end up coming into contact with people who don’t take no for answer, and this can then be something that causes them a lot of problems. At times they might stand their ground, but at others time they might simply go along with what someone else wants.

Or this could always be how their life is and it will then be normal for them to feel like a door mat. One can believe that they have no control over their life and that other people are out to cause them harm.

Examples

On one side, one could be used to going out when they don’t want to or helping someone when they haven’t got time. And on the other side, they could end up having sex when they don’t want to or doing something with their partner that they don’t want to do.

Having said that, one might find that they can relate to all these examples and a number of others may also come to mind. This is then going to be something that they can’t simply overlook and the sooner their life changes the better.

The Perpetrator

When someone can’t take no for an answer, it is going to be clear that they don’t know where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. Thus, it is to be expected that they won’t be able to see that other people are not an extension of them.

Their needs are then going to take precedence and the needs of others are going to be irrelevant. It might then be accurate to say that they find it hard to empathise with others, or that they are unable to do so.

A Deeper Look

The reason one is like this can be due to what took place during their early years, and this may have been a time when they were walked over. Through being brought up by someone who lacked boundaries, it would have stopped one from being able to develop them.

One would then have believed that they had two choices: either they allow people to walk over them or they walk over others. They would then have disconnected from their feelings and end up identifying with their perpetrator.

Control

And while this causes them to treat others in a way that is similar to how they were treated, it gives them a sense of control. One is then not going to change their behaviour until they can see that there is another option.

Awareness

It will then be important for them to work through the pain that is within them and to finally develop boundaries. This will improve their life and it will stop them from harming other people.

On the other hand, if one is used to coming into contact with people who won’t accept no for an answer, it could also show that they lack boundaries. In this case, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.