Anger: Can Someone Carry Lot of Anger If They Were Abused As A Child?

If someone was to step back and reflect on their life, what they may find is that they often feel angry and even enraged. At times, due to how worked up they become, they could lose the ability to think clearly and do things that they later regret.

This could be how they have been for as long as they can remember, or they might have only been this way for a short while. If they have only just started to experience life in this way, it may mean that they often felt low and perhaps depressed before.

The Other Side

As a result of this, they won’t have had much energy and now they will have a lot of energy. Additionally, they might have put up with bad behaviour before but now they might no longer be willing to do so.

Thanks to how different they are, a number of the people in their life could wonder what has happened to them. From the outside, then, it will appear as though they have become someone else, when, in reality, they will have simply embraced a part of them that they had typically denied.

The Trigger

If they were to think about what has made them angry recently, they could think about how they are treated at work, how some of their friends treat them and/or perhaps how their partner treats them, if they have one. They could often imagine that they are getting revenge on the people who have and do harm them.

However, while feeling this way will allow them to feel strong and alive, there could also be times when they feel guilty and ashamed for how they behave. What this could then do is give them the need to change their behaviour.

The Next Step

Another thing that could play a part is that a friend or family member could suggest that they reach out for support to allow them to get a hold of their anger. Consequently, they could end up looking into what they can do to ‘manage’ their anger.

This can be a time when they will be encouraged to focus on their breathing when they are angry and even to walk away. They can also be encouraged to change their ‘negative’ thoughts and question what they believe.

A New Experience

After learning these techniques as well as others, they could find that their life gradually changes. So, not only can it be easier for them to manage their anger, but it can be easier for them to walk away from a situation when they are just about to explode.

By changing what is going on in their mind, they could also find that they don’t get angry as much as they did before. They could then be amazed by how different they are, as could the people in their life.

A Surface level Approach

Then again, this approach might only last for a short while, or it might not work at all. At this, point, it could be said that they just need to be patient and, sooner or later, their life will change.

Nonetheless, as they have primarily been focusing on their anger and what is taking place in their mind, it is not a surprise that this approach either won’t last or won’t work. What this comes down to is that their anger and rage are likely to be a sign that they are carrying a lot of hurt.

The Tip Of The Iceberg

Their anger and rage are then a sign that they are in a lot of pain and are not the problem per se. This anger will serve as a protective barrier that will stop them from having to feel vulnerable, exposed and powerless.

With this in mind, if they didn’t feel so fragile deep down and felt safe, secure and strong, there would be no reason for them to experience so much anger and rage. If they were to go deeper inside themselves and become aware of how hurt they feel, they could wonder why they feel this way.

The Cause

What could soon enter their mind is that they feel this way because of how they have been treated as an adult. This is likely to have played a part but what is likely to have played an even bigger part is how they were treated during their formative years.

This may have been a stage of their life when they were regularly hurt by one or both of their parents. They might have often been physically harmed, verbally put down and/or rejected and abandoned.

A Brutal Time

As they were harmed, not only would they have been hurt but they would have also been deprived of the love that they needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way. Not being loved would have hurt them and this would have caused them to experience anger, rage and hate.

What this illustrates is that below their anger, rage and hate is their unmet developmental need to be loved. Therefore, if they focused solely on their anger, rage and hate, their hurt and their unmet need to be loved would still be held inside their unconscious mind and, would, most likely, continue to influence their life in one way or another from behind the scenes, so to speak.

Awareness
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If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.