The Dating Dance: Games vs Boundaries

Despite the movies and television we see, there is no need to play games when dating. However we do need to set boundaries or limitations. Game-playing (unhealthy) and boundary-setting (healthy) are two different things. Because the Law of Attraction says we get what we focus on (what we put our energy into), we need to focus on healthy relationships that do not involve games.

Game playing is intended to manipulate another person to achieve a specific result. Both the person who initiates the game and the person who participates in it are weakened.

Setting limitations, however, empowers you. A healthy limitation makes it very clear to the other person what is and it not an acceptable behavior when someone is courting you. There is no intentional outcome desired. You simply want to be treated with respect. Using the Law of Attraction , if you keep focusing on respectful and healthy interactions in your relationship, then those healthy interactions is what you will have.

Here are some common examples so you can be clear about what is and is not a healthy approach to a relationship:

Game:

He calls you after a week or two, and you purposefully do not answer the phone because you are angry he has not called sooner; or after blocking you on the instant messenger for weeks or months, he suddenly unblocks you and appears “available” on your list because he want to talk to you and you ignore him.

Boundary:

He calls you after some weeks, so you answer the phone after a few rings, keep the conversation light and end it after a minute or two; or you greet him, make polite and genuine small-talk for a minute or two then politely excuse yourself and block him, ending the conversation. This lets him know that yes, you are interested, but that if he wants to have a relationship with you it is unacceptable for him to give you the silent treatment for weeks.

***Game:

He calls at midnight to see you... You toy with the idea talk to him and eventually give in to him coming over to see you, THEN you tell him to go away.

Boundary:

Anyone that calls in the middle of the night better have an emergency. Answer the phone. If he is drunk dialing you, tell him it is inappropriate and to call you later when he is sober. Then hang up the telephone.

***Game:

When you see your romantic interest in a social setting, you intentionally ignore him and avoid him because you want him to approach you.

Boundary:

You see your romantic interest in a social setting, you smile politely and acknowledge him, but occupy your time by talking to other people because you have a life outside of him. If he does approach you, keep it light and short and clearly tell him it would be great if he called later. Then continue socializing with your friends.

***Game:

Purposefully flirting with other men, including your platonic male friends, hoping he will feel jealous and pay you attention.

Boundary:

You enjoy your friendships with men and do not exploit them to make a boyfriend or would-be boyfriend jealous. You realize that you do not want a jealous man in hour life because it shows insecurity on his part.

***Game:

Fabricating an excuse to call him, or wanting him to see that you called so he will call back

Boundary:

If he calls, he calls. If he doesn't, he doesn’t. You do not need an excuse to make contact with him.

***Game:

He calls you on a Saturday afternoon for a Saturday night date. You go because you have no previous plans but you are angry at him all night for not respecting you enough to arrange the weekend date on Wednesday or Thursday.

Boundary:

He calls you on a Saturday afternoon for a Saturday night date. You realize he is not respecting your time and figures you will always be available whenever he feels like making time for you.

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There are many more examples I could list. The important point is to decide the boundaries in your dating life and adhere to them. If a man does not honor them, stop dating him. He will never make you happy and the two of you will never have a peaceful, calm, loving and healthy relationship. If you respond to his games by playing games, a vicious circle is created. The Law of Attraction operates on the principle that we get what we focus on and what we put out there. If you put forth games, you will get games in return. If you put forth healthy boundaries, you will get them in return.

If you would like to learn how you can apply the Law of Attraction so you can have successful relationships, start coaching with me!

Success and Blessings!