Playing With Fear

PLAYING WITH FEAR

Have you ever noticed a toddler in a sandbox when a parent moves away or out of her sight? Most of the time, the toddler will hold up her hands in a gesture to be taken out of the box or they will just sit there and cry. And for the more adventurous personalities, she may begin to explore what’s in her immediate vicinity content not to explore what might be just over the edge of the sandbox. It almost looks as if she is boxed in or fear is keeping her from taking that first step out of her box into a world full of possibilities. Fear is an emotional response to a threat that is either real or imagined and we all have control of our emotions. Fear is being unable to feel comfortable in any situation where you don’t know the outcome. If your response to fear is anger, then you may lash out at unsuspecting people inappropriately. Or if you fear rejection, you are likely to either avoid intimate relationships or stay in relationships that are unsatisfying or hurtful. Fear keeps up from stretching ourselves to grow and reach our dreams . We are afraid we’re going to embarrass ourselves, afraid we aren’t good enough, afraid we will succeed. What are you allowing in your life because you are fearful of taking action or speaking up?

Have you ever wondered how some adults continue to play in the sandbox while isolating themselves from all the adventures, the opportunities, experiences that lie just outside of our self-imposed sandboxes? And yet other people will risk venturing beyond their sandboxes to explore, embrace and survive all manner of barriers to reach their dreams . How is it that some people can make positive changes throughout their lives while others seem to be standing still in situations that they are clearly unhappy with? What enables some people to make the decision to take risks and have the courage to forge into the unknown to grow and develop in positive ways?

I love the analogy of the little girl in the sandbox because it’s so symbolic to the lives of many women lead and it helps establish the connection between making a decision, taking a risk, facing fear head on, or stretching outside of our comfort zones. Like the little girl in the sandbox, we as women allow ourselves to stay stuck – in unfulfilling relationships, unsatisfying jobs, situations that don’t honor us – all because we are afraid to take a risk and face the fear of the unknown, the fear of making a mistake, the fear of not knowing what’s on the other side, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of what others may think or say about us. So stuck are we in our limiting comfort zone that we become powerless to make any positives changes in our lives. So, how do we step out of our self-imposed sandbox?

1) Evaluate the risk – How ready are you to take a risk? Assess yourself on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the most risk you are willing to take. If you rate yourself as 2, 3, 4, or even 5 – ask yourself, what steps can I take now to reach an 8 or 9? How willing are you to stop making excuses for why you’re not doing the thing that brings you joy, the thing that puts a smile on your face. What are you tolerating to stay stuck? How ready are you to stop making excuses for why you aren’t living your best life now? Do you tell yourself that “I’ll do it later – when I have more money – when the kids are older – after I buy a house? Are you constantly bombarded with negative thoughts about why you aren’t doing what your inner being is speaking to you about? Look deeply at the risk involved. What is the risk? How ready are you to be successful? How willing are you to be different?

2) Think about what you habitually avoid – What is that thing you have been putting off doing for years? What is it you have secretly wanted to do but always made excuses? Whatever excuse you use – just know that it is an excuse to mask our fears and hold us back. Have you ever felt stuck (in a job, a relationship or other situation), felt burned out, not sure where your passion lies, unsure of what to do next? So what do we do, we avoid making a choice, we avoid taking a risk, we avoid speaking up and the list goes on. Some of our avoidance is so ingrained, and pushed so far back in the recesses of our minds that we don’t even allow ourselves to think that we are avoiding – we lie to ourselves and say our avoidances are actually valid reasons why we are in the situations we are, why we are stuck. When in reality, we are afraid to take a risk. We are afraid to pursue our dreams or have pushed our dream so far in the recesses of our mind that we no longer even know that we once had a dream let alone the steps we need to take to achieve them. It takes courage to take a risk and face fear. And we can.. One of my favorite poems is by Marianne Williams and it says it part:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light and not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?” Actually, who are you NOT to be?

Holding back who we are and what we are capable of does not honor us or serve the larger community. Who are you to play small just so someone else can feel important? It’s not a lack of ability that drives our fears, it’s more the fear of succeeding and embracing The Power to be All You Can Be! We just have to take one step at a time.