There is no doubt about it, parenting teenagers is frustrating and stressful at its worst. At its best it is fun, exciting and fulfilling. The problem is that frustration and stress seems to predominate for such a long time. So how do we cope with the years of turmoil between 12 and 20 so that when the teenage years are over we still have our sanity and the friendship of those who nearly drove us to the brink? Here are a few suggestions that worked for us.
1. Care enough to set limits and establish rules. Just make sure that the limits set and the rules established are reasonable and few in number.
2. Negotiate with your teens. Let them state what they want; you state what you want and then try to reach a negotiated compromise somewhere in between.
3. Treat your teenager like you would an adult, but don't always expect adult behaviour from them.
4. Don't preach at them. Adolescents hate preaching by their parents and will turn you off when you do.
5. Practise the three R's of effective parenting . LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN.
6. When you're wrong, say you're sorry. When you do, you are teaching them an invaluable lesson in human relationships.
7. Laugh with your teenager. Laughter has been called " social glue" because it bonds us to those we laugh with.
8. Never use sarcasm, ridicule or put-down in your relationship with your adolescent. Teenagers hate this kind of destructive communication.
9.Don't yell at them. I once asked my senior highschool students what they disliked most about teachers and parents and their response was unanimous, "YELLING AND SCREAMING".
10. Say "NO" without guilt. Saying "No" to your teen does not mean that you don't love them. Just the opposite. We should love them enough to say "No".
These tips come from Mike Moore's Booklet "You're Not Alone" available at www.motivationalplus.com/store.html
Mike Moore is an international speaker on human relationships,
motivation and potential. You can check out his books, tapes and manuals at www.motivationalplus.com/store.html