Sensitizing yourself can lead to emotional surprises. It doesn't mean being more 'touchy-feely' or sensitive. It means being aware of all that's around you and inside of you. And yes, one can get hurt in the process but one can truly live and experience life to the fullest extent as well. That is definitely worth chancing hurt. Otherwise it's an existence without feeling. All of a sudden you'll feel things you never felt before. You'll become aware of yourself through the mirror of others.
Each person we meet through our lifetime represents a different "us"...worlds apart from who we knew ourselves to be before. Does that make sense? Think for a moment how you're perceived by family as opposed to friends, colleagues as opposed to both family and friends, perfect strangers or the ones closest to our hearts. We tend to be hurt by them the most, probably because we let them in the deepest. We let our guards down, hoping we'll be accepted for who we are without judgment or condition. Until we let people in, a new aspect of ourselves cannot be born. We discover ourselves anew each and every time. It's a freedom of sorts.
When we like what we see, we let others get a deeper glimpse of who we are. We are true to ourselves, and let our dreams , hopes and aspirations come out to play. When we try to be what we think others want us to be, then we are no longer in alignment with our values. We become angry, more at ourselves than anyone else, though blame is easy to place. Why become angry with someone else for what you're not getting, when you haven't told them what it is you want in the first place? The world is not made up of clairvoyants.
If we can’t find peace within ourselves, why search elsewhere?
The same goes for happiness and contentment. Once we find peace with who and what we are based on our own truths, values and integrity, we can find that centre of quiet peace . The first step is in accepting ourselves no matter where we are in life. From that perspective we can build and grow into our dreams and aspirations. When we are continually fighting ourselves, then we are so wrapped up with what isn’t working, we run out of energy to continually grow as individuals.
This is also true for those who approach others from the perspective of what they think the other person wants or needs in a friend, colleague, partner or relationship rather than who they truly are. How can one ever build a relationship built on illusion? Your ‘true self’ will always surface, especially in times of crisis. Once that happens the relationship doesn’t go back to square one. It morphs into something completely different without a solid foundation. Generally, within a very short time, the relationship breaks down.
This is something to think about when you think you’re ‘fooling the boss’, ‘pulling the wool over someone’s eyes’ or going into a personal relationship based on deception. If you’re always trying to be someone else, who will be you? How could you ever find peace within yourself if you’re not being yourself? Once you accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses, everything else will seem to fall into place. It really is so much easier to live your life that way. All the energy you save in trying to be someone you aren’t can be channeled into becoming exactly who you choose to be. Which do you think will work better for you in the long-run?
You will never know what you can have if you’re not honest with yourself and others. A good reminder. It's not insisting on what you want, it's sharing it..
The way I look at it, being…existing, is a miracle in itself. Why not ask for the moon, the stars and the sun? Isn’t it worth seeing what happens?
Donna Karlin Certified Executive Coach, founder of A Better Perspective™ ( www.abetterperspective.com ) has pioneered the specialized practice of Shadow Coaching with over 120 senior organizational leaders in the public and private sectors and is committed to catalyzing individual and collaborative leadership capacity.
By entering the client's environment, she works with them in translating awareness into practice, essentially fostering the emergence of the Shadow Coach™ in the clients themselves. Donna uses an adaptable and comprehensive approach in working with her clients. She uses a unique structure that enables her to understand individuals and their worlds sufficiently to design coaching that shifts their developmental level. Her coaching attends to the individual, social, relational and environmental aspects of her client's 'world'. It is an integral approach that results in the client developing a deeper, more comprehensive sense of themselves and their place in their organization and the world as a whole. This style of coaching is ideally suited to organizational and political leaders who must make decisions and act adaptively in intense work environments.
Donna is an author, lectures internationally and is a key player in 6 international think tanks and research and development teams. In response to widely expressed interest to her highly successful and innovative approach to coaching, she established the School of Shadow Coaching™ ( www.schoolofshadowcoaching ) to enable others to learn the practice.