Introverts: Communicating with Your Boss, Introvert-style

Many introverts find their natural style gets in the way at work; extrovert-type behavior is often more valued and rewarded in the workplace. How can you “be yourself” and still make yourself heard and get your contributions recognized? Below, I share my response to a question recently posed to me. Perhaps you can benefit from my suggestions as well.

Q. My boss is an attorney and is very smart and yet very arrogant. I am a CPA and thru coaching sessions have learned that I am an introvert. When I am meeting with my boss and he asks me a question, I like to take my time when I answer questions. I like to think about what I am going to say rather than just blurt something out. For my boss, this is a sign that I either don’t know the answer or he might have a better thought. So he interrupts me and doesn’t let me finish my sentence or my thought process. Sometimes he doesn’t even let me begin my sentence. This is extremely frustrating. I’m not the only one that he does this with. Others in my group have also complained to me about the same issue. What can I do as an introvert to let him know that I don’t appreciate being interrupted and I have good ideas as well. He thinks he is always correct or has the better answer. What can I do?

A. Clearly this situation bothers you, and it is not surprising because introverts generally hate to be interrupted and dislike interrupting others. Introverts in the workplace often struggle with having their well-thought-out responses (often delayed due to our long processing time) misconstrued as hesitancy or lack of confidence in our ideas. My question for you is, what bothers you more:

1. That you are not allowed to finish speaking, or even start speaking?

OR

2. That your boss (in your opinion) does not think you have good ideas?

Let me oversimplify to make a point – introverts need to think before they know what to say; extroverts need to talk before they know what to think. I suspect your boss, probably an extrovert, needs to answer his own questions, aloud, just to clarify his thinking. He may be using you as a thinking partner without you realizing it. In other words, he may not be interested in your answer, but he could be interested in your ability to help him refine his own answer. On the other hand, he could be interested in your answer and may not be aware that he is cutting you off. He probably assumes that you process information in the same way and that you will speak and interrupt as you see fit.

That said, here’s a few things you can try, depending on what you really want to achieve (see questions above):

1. Buy yourself some thinking time by asking clarifying questions. Get your boss to expand on his original question. Show off your introvert listening skills . If he quickly answers his own question, ask questions about his answer.

2. If you need even more time, just say it! I like to say something along the lines of “You know, I have some preliminary ideas but they are not completely formed. Let me think about that.” Or “I want to go back and check my resources/refresh my memory before I give you an informed response.” If I am feeling very secure with this person, I keep it light and humorous and say something like “The wheels in my head are already spinning on this one; I’m waiting for them to finish before I give my answer.”

3. Point out, as neutrally as possible, that you were interrupted and would like to finish your thought. You don’t even have to use the “i” word; just say “I want to make sure you heard my complete response; I had not finished speaking…”

4. If the question is not a time-critical one, then you can follow up the verbal meeting with an email or written memo summarizing your response in writing. It can be a more thorough restatement of your input offered in the meeting, or additional insights you gained after you had “time to think about it.”

5. Consider the possibility that after you have allowed your boss to answer his own question and clarify his thinking, he might be more open to listening to what you have to say. So instead of trying to beat him to the punch, let him do his thing and then you do yours.

My final thought: for your own emotional well-being, separate your boss’ behavior (what he does) from your interpretation of his behavior (what you think it means).

(c) 2009 Joanne Julius Hunold