God Works In Mysterious Ways

June 22nd, 1993 … A day so profound, a day that is forever etched in my mind and yet continues to change with time.

I was a registered nurse and mother of four children and had achieved a goal that would allow me to see the world as a traveling nurse. I only had two weeks to go before seeing ...June 22nd, 1993 … A day so profound, a day that is forever etched in my mind and yet continues to change with time.

I was a registered nurse and mother of four children and had achieved a goal that would allow me to see the world as a traveling nurse. I only had two weeks to go before seeing this dream become a reality. I had finally made it to the point where my children and I could put all our struggles behind us. My youngest two would travel with me and my oldest two were in college in Pennsylvania. I bought a home in PA. in a beautiful resort area, and that was going to be our home base.

That was the plan until June 22nd, 1993. I was driving to work, on a busy access road, when the car in front of me came to a screeching halt. I stopped, but the car behind didn't stop until it plowed into my car and knocked my car into the car that was in front of me. Not only was I severely injured, but our plans ... my plans were gone.

I ended up having four major spinal cord surgeries, which removed several vertebrae from my neck which was replaced with bone from my hip twice.The removal of bone from the same hip led to my hip fracturing. Also, the lamina that encases the spinal cord in my neck was removed so my nerves were left unprotected which caused discomfort to feel like pain and normal pain to feel severe and severe pain.... well.... there are no words to describe that pain. I was told I would never work again as an RN, never walk again, never drive again or live my life as a normal person or be the Mommy that I once was.

At that point, I was completely helpless and inundated with hospital drugs. There was so much hopelessness and despair. Now, as I sit here and recall the torment that I physically, mentally and spiritually went through … I struggle to hold back the tears and am in disbelief at what my children and myself have gone through and yet, we survived.

Eventually, the doctors decided that there was nothing else that could be done for me and discharged me from the hospital. My career ended and as far as I was concerned, my life ended. Little did I know that God was just getting into first gear with me. My children set up shifts to insure that one of them would always be with me, making sure that my physical needs were met and that I was medicated for pain. The first year I could only move my eyes and I felt like such a huge burden on them that I would not ask for anything, not even pain medication … so they would look into my eyes and were able to see if I needed to be medicated or not. They turned, rolled , dressed and sat me up when I was able to sit.

After a few years, and a few operations, I was sent to a rehabilitative nursing home were I learned to feed myself, walk with a walker and dress myself again. It was then I learned how to appreciate the things we tend to take for granted such as feeding yourself, dressing yourself, going to the bathroom alone or just waking up without pain and having hope. I ended up loosing my home,bank account, cars, friends, career, my dignity, my self respect, my health … I lost me.

Wow, this is really hard. I thought I would just sit down and write up some of my ordeals and challenges ...but it brings back so many memories, loss, pain and suffering. I remember crying out once twice maybe three or four times to God..”WHY ME?!?”Oh God yes, I was in agony, an agony that was truly unbearable and one that I thought I would never get through. I remember one time just before surgery praying NOT to make it through. I had had enough and believed that my children deserved so much more than I was. There was nothing else I could give them and I couldn't stand being a burden. After surgery, I woke up in intensive care and the only thing I could move were my eyes. Having worked in Intensive Care, I knew where I was , I knew I hadn't died and all I could do was cry. The tears rolled down my face and my children were around my bedside and asked why was I crying. I told them I was crying because I was angry and that I had prayed for God to take me. I'll never forget their reply, “ Well Mommy, there are four of us and one of you and we prayed for God to bring you back.”

I cried. The pain, the surgeries, the rehabs continued.

Again and again I was told that there was nothing else that could be done and to get use to being HANDI-CAPPED, DISABLED – CHALLENGED AND DEPENDENT ON MY CHILDREN.I began to feel like a burden on society... worse yet, on my children !!! After a period of mourning, depression and self pity passed … I started to fight back. I was angry at mankind, at myself, at God at anything and everything that crossed my path. I screamed, hollered , cursed and withdrew from the world. I couldn't move around and gained a lot of weight and felt ugly, obese and hideous.

At first I stayed in the house because I couldn't stand to be moved... the pain was so excruciating, but after three or four years I didn't want to go out because I didn't want people to look at me with pity. So my children devised a plan to take me out in the wheelchair to Walmart after midnight when hardly anyone was there. And if anyone dared to look at me with pity or disgust, well let's just say they had to deal with my children.

Once I started feeding and dressing myself and having some independence, I started to realize that I did matter and that I could do something ! I could give back my children their lives which they gave to me. I held onto my faith & belief that God knew best and that he had a plan.

During this ordeal, I completely submitted myself to God and asked him to be my doctor, THE DOCTOR that I needed to heal me and make me whole again. I knew that this meant I would not be doing things my way, but God's way. It was totally out of my control anyway.

Everything I had worked so hard to give my children and to make a difference in the world had been taken completely away from me in one huge BANG !!!

It was at this point that things started getting better … I had been stripped of everything and left with the bare essentials and my most precious jewels, my children. God and my children were doing their part, and it was time for me to start doing my part. I researched on the Internet for fresh natural herbs that assisted in healing the nervous system and spinal cord, ordered them and hundreds of jell capsules and created my own formulas and took them three times a day While doing this, God led me to write a book 'Words For The Soul' which is a work/journal book that helps and guides you to realize the lessons that you are going through. This book becomes your friend and helps to enlighten your way in finding your path.

Many things have changed, altered & turned with the change of time. I am still a healer, but an alternative healer working with Divine Love & Light from A Higher Source/Power to heal the mind, body and soul. I have had to go through many challenges, many not even mentioned … this is only the introduction. I believe in knowing as much as possible in all modalities for the mind, body and soul. Healing comes in many forms as it should be because there are so many different people and we do heal in various ways. So I strive to be the Spiritual Being that can in someway assist you in whatever your needs, wants and desires may be.

I have been blessed to have my beautiful children to stand beside me, love me and support me. I also know, understand and recognize that not everyone will have this type of love and support, so I extend myself to all those that need me in whatever way great or small.

It is such a true saying, “God works in mysterious ways.” He broke me completely down and continues to build me up so that I may be his spiritual vessel. And so it is … I AM