Finding The Gift

A boy in my daughter’s grade died in a car crash just down the street from my home this August. It was a beautiful late summer morning and I was peacefully meditating on my porch when he swerved to avoid a squirrel. His truck ran into a tree, but the tree didn’t budge. The tree was stronger than his body. I imagine the abilities of his Spirit are limitless.

As I processed this tragedy, I thought about my own 17 year old new driver who would swerve for a squirrel, or a chipmunk or a cat in an instant. I contemplated the sensitivity of the heart that would put an animal’s life before their own. And the fears consumed my stomach and constricted my throat. I thought was this fate avoidable? Could it have been prevented?

At first I was angry at God. Why would She allow this? I knew the family from several years before and they are truly lovely people, the kind that don’t deserve this kind of abuse . But then I ask, does anyone deserve death ?

With prayer and deep thought, I searched for the gift that my soul knew had to be there. My anger slowly transitioned into awareness. My fears returned to faith . And my wonderment evolved to strengthen my belief system.

Life is capricious. Our world can change directions in a moment. Somehow this event that was so close to home served as a powerful reminder to savor the moments I have with my dear ones. Each time I pass the tree adorned with flowers, Red Sox shirts and love notes, I remember to soak in the gratitude for all that I have.

We are not in control. We cannot decide the fate of our children, or our spouses, or our mothers. We cannot choose destiny for anyone but ourselves. If we try to impose our choices or beliefs on another person, we squeeze the synchronicity of Life and bring creation to a halt. If we assume we can unequivocally prevent our children from harm, we are filling our consciousness with fear and the misguided belief that we are able to prevent the freak accident, or the unwanted pregnancy , or the destructive addiction .

There is a rhythm of Life that flows unknowingly for many of us. How do we know that the surviving brother won’t grow up to lobby for stricter vehicle safety and save hundreds of lives? Who’s to say the desperate new mother won’t give birth to a child who grows up to win a Nobel Peace Prize. And what if the drug addict heals and becomes passionate about counseling young teens to make healthier choices? The best we can do is to see the gift of the situation. And have unwavering faith that it’s there.

Our beautiful 17 year old daughter is a senior in high school. I remember when I was that age, do you? The pressure can be overwhelming. As she contemplates her future, she is easily paralyzed. “Do I want to go college in a city? In the country? Do I want to spend 4 years on the West Coast? Do I want to be close to home? Do I want to take a year off first? Do I want to be with my friends? Do I want to be a nutritionist, an ambassador or a naturopath?” The magnitude of these decisions would short circuit the most stable of adults, let alone a child who is not quite old enough to vote.

So the gift? As I consider yanking a good chunk of my hair out waiting for my daughter to make up her mind, I breathe and remember that the synchronicity of Life is beyond my control and I have faith that all is in perfect order. She may never go to college. She may become the first president to serve without a degree. She may travel the world for 3 years and come home to work in a coffee shop. She may go to college and become a naturopath. I surrender to her decision and to the Divine will that works through her. And I pour her a cup of tea and plop down on the couch next to her.

I am co-creator of my existence, but not hers. I cannot control her destiny, but I can control the Love that I shine upon her. I will never take her beautiful soul, challenges and all, for granted. And that is a gift.