Communication-The Central Core Of Relationships is How You Communicate

Your communication style greatly impacts your relationships. The more you are aware of how you communicate, the more powerful and positive your communications will be.

In my work, I often encounter people who believe they are being clear and responsive in their communication. However, their demeanor is such that they appear dismissive and impatient. Although their words might be saying one thing, their tone and body language is saying something quite different.

I once overheard an employer speaking to a staff member in the hallway. He was dissatisfied with the way a presentation had gone. His voice kept getting louder and more sarcastic. The employee looked quite uncomfortable and was already feeling upset about the presentation not going well, but was now embarrassed and upset about the way the boss was speaking to them publicly. What does this say about the employer-employee relationship?

A couple who were dealing with relationship issues had a disagreement. Both were clearly upset and had their individual perspectives about what had occurred. Much of their behaviour was based on assumptions, but the most striking factor was how their individual communication styles contributed to their difficulties in resolving the situation.

His speech became terse, loud and somewhat intimidating. She became quiet, withdrawn and then began finding fault with everything he did. It would have been interesting to tape their conversation so they could hear their patterns. Until this was pointed out, they weren't aware what they did and how it impacted each other.

The flip side is experiencing positive communication. While traveling for 3 weeks in another country, I encountered people who were great communicators. What were the factors that made them great? They were pleasant, helpful, and smiled. They would ask questions to clarify and appeared genuinely interested in the conversation. The result was I felt heard and respected. I also noticed I smiled a lot as well.

So what does this tell us? Being aware of how you are communicating is very valuable. Listening to the other person and asking questions for clarification creates an environment which invites collaborative interaction. If you are upset, annoyed or angry, how you deliver the message influences the results. Check your voice tone and be respectful.

Copyright 2008, Gail Solish. All rights reserved.