Magical Relationships! - Stop Complaining And Start Creating

Does it seem as if people want more than you can give? Do you feel pressured to keep them all happy? If so, you're not alone. Change this uncomfortable pattern now by learning new ways of creating more love and respect, as well as little-known methods that will help you to create happy and healthy relationships in all areas of your life. Don't wait to feel happier; you can begin today!

Would you like everyone in your life to be happy, and do you want love and acceptance from the people around you? If so, you most likely care a great deal about your relationships and you want them to be as happy and successful as possible. Unfortunately, the way many of us try to achieve this is by attempting to make everyone around us happy and, more often than not, leaving ourselves out of the equation. Strangely enough, this technique can leaves us feeling resentful of what we misinterpret as other people's demanding or selfish behavior.

We often hear people describe their intimate partners as “selfish or self-centered,” their mothers as “manipulative,” or their boss as “controlling.” They say that they try to help the other person be happy, but it takes so much time that there's no time left for them. Well there's good news; resentment isn't the only alternative. You can feel good about helping other people and still take care of yourself. By following the steps below, you can shift these feelings of resentment to something way more enjoyable.

How do I deal with difficult or demanding people?

Stop Putting Them In A Box!

When you focus your attention on what people “are” (demanding, selfish, uncaring) you are handing all control of the situation over to the other person. Instead, take back your power by refocusing your attention on what you want in the situation.

If you believe that your discomfort and dissatisfaction is because the other people “are” self-centered or controlling, then you're helpless to change the situation unless they change. Labeling people puts total responsibility on them for making the situation better; and what you're doing is playing the "blame game.” This game prevents you from forgiving past hurt feelings and can eventually result in serious relationship disturbances.

There is an Easier Way

Take back responsibility for your own happiness. Give up the belief that other people are the cause of your hurt feelings. Understanding that your thinking is actually the cause of your feelings is the very first step that you need to take in order for things to change for the better.

As soon as you accept this, you can begin to turn your attention to how you “want” the situation to be. You can't possibly have what you want until you know what you want; so start there. Ask yourself, “What is missing in this situation that would help me to create an end result that everyone could be happy with?” Start using any uncomfortable situation as an opportunity to create mutually satisfying outcomes.

Your Attention on Something Creates More of It

Paying attention to what the other person "is" keeps you from noticing alternative solutions to your upsetting situations. When you are dealing with a relationship problem, always begin by first focusing inward and identify what you "do want.”

How to Create Those Magical Relationships:

1. Don't play the “blame game.” Stop hanging on to those feelings of judgment or anger that have built up from the past. Commit to letting them go.

2. When an uncomfortable situation arises, start by identifying what's missing in the situation that makes it less than wonderful. Feel free to download our free values worksheet. It can help you to uncover the values that are most important to you in the situation and your relationship--the values that would bring you the most happiness and fulfillment.

Let's say you did the values worksheet and you noticed that consideration was very important to you. Meanwhile, you've been labeling your roommate as “selfish” or your romantic partner as “controlling.” If you could have more consideration in your relationship that would absolutely bring more happiness into your life. Take responsibility for having more consideration in your life by coming up with a specific way you could experience more consideration in that relationship.

3. Ask for support. You might ask the other person if they would be willing to try and participate in whatever specific ideas you came up with that supports your desire for more consideration.

By changing your focus of attention from labeling people to taking action toward getting what you want, you immediately regain control of your own happiness. When you accept the fact that your happiness is not dependent on what other people do, you release yourself from the chains of resentment and start feeling better immediately. You can do it--you can have the kind of relationships and life you truly want. Start today!