ACCEPTING-VERY HARD

ADMITTING-VERY HARD
Admitted to God (Good Orderly Direction source), to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.-12 steps/5th step
Admitting can be such a big word and a very hard thing to do.
When looking thoroughly at myself and my past, I unearthed many things I was not proud of and had done many things that not even those closest to me were aware of. To plagiarize, these were secrets that I had intended to take to my grave. No one had to know!
I had been living a life where I kept big secrets that caused negative emotions and I had learned to stuff my emotions inside. In doing my personal inventory using a written guide and a coach, I had been taken back to long forgotten incidents in my conscious memory, but the intensity of feelings that were rekindled told me that in my subconscious, they were still inside and haunting me.
I had some hard choices to make. I could keep these secrets buried inside and live with the consequences or do as the step said. Was I prepared to admit, even fully to myself let alone this higher power thing or even scarier, another human being, the exact nature of my wrongs? I had unearthed a lot, was I prepared to own it?
Eventually, the answer became yes or I would not be writing this nor have the life I am blessed with today.
Picking the proper “human being” was something that made me think, and think carefully I did. There were choices including my coach, a minister/priest who I knew did this stuff, my 12 step sponsor and more. I did not want to be judged, I just needed to get the crap inside out. I wanted someone who had experience being a listener and a trusted confidant.
With careful consideration, I made what was the right choice for me.
After taking this action, which I do think is massive action; I gained some immediate release from inner turmoil. While my journey was far from over, I had faced “ADMITTING” and was ready to move forward a little more comfortable in my own skin. I can honestly say, I have no secrets lodged in me today and for that I am grateful! I began to really know serenity. (khbray@hopeserenity.ca; www.hopeserenity.ca )