Desperate search for something, that I know ultimately won’t fulfill me
Today, I am bringing you some words of wisdom about true happiness. How do you feel about that title: "Desperate search for something that I know ultimately won't fulfill me"?
Let's play a little game, you and I, shall we? Tell me, What did you want ten years ago?
There's a good chance that most of it, you already have by now. But here's the main question: Did it make you truly happy? Aren't you truly happy right now, you know, because of those things you achieved in life? These things you wanted ten years ago, now that you had them achieved, did it make you truly happy and fulfilled?
Chances are again against that! You are probably not as happy as you hoped these things and achievements would make you. So, let me ask you this: What do you want now? You probably have new things that you now desire and strive towards, yes?
And the question that I really want you to contemplate on for a moment, is this: Will it really make you happy, this time?
If you are honest to yourself, you'll realize that there is a flaw in one's relationship with goals and happiness, isn't it? What do you make of this statement: There is nothing you need to do, get, be… to be happy.
What I am saying really… is that happiness is not something you earn, wait for, or hope for!
Happiness is your very nature, and it's your default setting. When you came into the world, what did you need, to be happy? Babies cry and scream when they are in pain, where they are hungry or hurting in some other way, right? And the moment those immediate stressors are gone, in that very instant, they go back to their default setting, which is happiness, awe, bliss, don't they?
So, I am talking to you here, my human friend… and you may ask me: "Well Robert, if happiness is my nature, how come I am not just… happy?" And the answer is super simple. You are not naturally and by default happy… because you have spent your entire life… learning how to be unhappy. Let me say that again – you've spent your entire life… learning how to be unhappy.
From our baby times till now, we never stopped learning, right? And while you are still learning, the dominant world-views, core beliefs, attitudes and values have already been rather… heavily embedded within your thinking, right? One of the models we learn rather young is the IF-THEN model.
You know what I mean, the model that says in essence: If this happens, I'll be happy. Once I achieve this, it will bring me true happiness.
And then, when that what we wanted does happen, but we don't end up happy, or maybe we… become happy for a short period of time, but it certainly evaporates rather quickly, what do we do then? Well, we never question the model itself. Instead, we think that something is wrong with the thing we wanted in the first place!
Let's say you wanted to get married and your IF-THEN model claimed, "If I get married, I'll be truly happy and fulfilled." Then, eventually, you got married and… it took you just a little while to realize that… you are actually not happy. So, we think immediately, that it's the wrong spouse that we married, and we set ourselves on the search for the right one… hoping that the right one… will make us happy.
And the sad thing is that, all that time… of all that endless search… all that you've been doing… is postponing what's been your birthright, your built-in nature. So, the model itself is the problem.
Let me ask you this way, have you ever experienced a moment in nature, like a beautiful sunset, or a beautiful rainbow, or a waterfall scenery… have you ever experienced something like that, that took you outside of yourself and you were just present there, in the moment, with no criticism, no thinking, just being there and enjoying that moment, in owe of our Mother Nature? Or have you ever starred at your child, being geeky or just playful, unaware of you even watching… and have a deep sense of admiration for their uniqueness and beauty, just the way they are in that moment…?
You didn't go and judge the corner of that picture, wished the tree was two centimeters to the left… or wished the kid had a different hair color, right? No… you just immersed yourself in it… and accepted it as it is… and such deep feelings of joy followed, naturally… hmmmm… something to think about, right?
Now, what I'd like to suggest is that… your life right now… is just as perfect. Perhaps you could consider that… your life right now, with all your problems and challenges that you are experiencing right now, is perfect as it is. But you are doing your level best to reject one or a few aspects of it. And by doing so, you reinforce the IF-THEN model. And this is the very model that… made you learn to be unhappy!
Yes, your life is perfect, and that doesn't mean that you are not allowed to have preferences, that, you know, there aren't some things you want to be different! Go and change them, create the life of your dreams – just don't go about it thinking… "Once I have that, I'll be happy." as that is… just not true.
That… will never make you happy. It will only make you unhappy in the meantime.
Change these things in your life, by all means, but own the idea that if you succeed at that – fantastic. And if you fail at it – fantastic! Have that simple awareness that… it's simply your path in life that you are on right now, and as such, it must be perfect for you. So, enjoy the journey, knowing that you are at the right place in your life, right? Now, you ought to invest yourself in the process, not the outcome.
Because, when you are invested in the outcome, you'll miss out on life, you'll miss out on living. You'll live in your imaginary, desired future, while suffering in your present, and you must be wise enough by now to know that… all we actually have, when it comes to experiencing life… is the present moment… so why don't you… make it a present… for yourself and unlearn the IF-THEN model and learn to enjoy the journey, enjoy this present moment that you are in right now…
Because… in the past… you've known moments like this, that catch you by surprise and because you didn't think about it or judge it, you've had those moments of pure joy and happiness, haven't you… realized now that… The happiest moments happen, when you accept the world exactly as it is.
So, here's a lovely exercise you can do now:
Step 1)Make a list of all the things you think you need, to be happy. Really do that first, and only then do the next step, ok?
Step 2)Cross them all out, just cross all the items on that list of yours out… realizing that… you don't need any of them to… be happy right now.
Step 3)Keep nourishing the idea that all that you need to be happy, is already within you. Happiness is your nature, but we learned to think ourselves out of it. Accept the world as it is, at this moment… and the moment you do, happiness is what you'll get.
Alright, that's all I wanted to say in this writing, and here's just a quick shout-out if I may. I know you've heard these things many times by now. Live in the now, enjoy the moment, it's all about the journey and not the destination… and while these ideas are profoundly deep and so very true… most people simply don't really get it. Even if they say that they do… if they are still living the way they did before that, then they didn't get it, get it, did they?
As far as I am concerned, if you are not doing it, you didn't understand it yet, it's as simple as that. So if you are looking for a fast track, a genuine shortcut when it comes to really getting it, and freeing yourself from your past burdens, limiting beliefs, ideas, and concepts that are preventing you from experiencing the true joy and happiness in this present moment, then… look me up, come and join me for one of my live workshops or training, or get yourself one of my online courses as… they were all designed to help you… transform yourself… deeply and from within, so that you can… easily claim your happy moments in life.
All right, there you go, that's it from me for now, sending you all my love and gratitude, as I am now.
Robert Simic is the founder of the Robert Simic Coaching Institute .
His international success as a Coach and a Trainer is underpinned by his unique ability to unlock the potential of every student. He is a charismatic presenter who engages you with his heart as you grapple with the content.
His life story is an inspiration, starting with humble beginnings. Robert Simic was born in Belgrade, Serbia – a politically challenged country. At the age of 22, he left Serbia looking for greener pastures. He worked in Europe – from washing cars in Greek islands to night shifts in Germany, until he decided to move to South Africa and explore his options there. He worked as an office manager and became an integral part of a successful company. In this process though, he traded his entrepreneurial attitude for certainty and a secure salary. The hope of a secure future was short-lived when he was unexpectedly retrenched.
However, what seemed to be his worst nightmare became the wake-up call that began his quest for true empowerment. Robert confesses to having spent much of his life chasing security and significance until he discovered the gifts that come with being a truly empowered human being. Robert is deeply inspired to continue helping people break through their perceived barriers and achieve their dreams with the knowledge he shares in his coaching, workshops, and training.
In addition to his private coaching practice (with clientele ranging from global celebrities, Royal families to Billionaires) and his seminars, workshops, and training, Robert has spent the last decade furthering his knowledge and skills studying the internationally best-selling authors Richard Bandler, Tad James, Bob Proctor, and many, many others who have transformed the lives of millions through their books, seminars, courses, and personal coaching. Robert is a seasoned trainer of NLP, Time Paradigm Techniques, Hypnosis, Mind Power, and various Coaching methodologies. He started this journey, initially under ABNLP (American Board of NLP), ABH (American Board of Hypnotherapy), TLTA (Time Line Therapy Association).
Breaking through one limitation to another, refusing to settle for less and insisting on the highest and most effective resources known to us, Robert Simic evolved in his personal capacity and so did his approach to Coaching. RSCI was founded, matching his need to create a new kind of coaching institute, a place where he could once again push beyond the known boundaries and share his heart.
Having trained, coached, and transformed 1000’s of people worldwide, Robert Simic is perceived as a leader in the industry as he continues to explore new ways to enhance the lives of others. He is deeply in love with his wife Biljana, his son Matea and his daughter Mia, who are the inspiration in his life.