The “Grey/Comfort Zone”

This is a subject I’ve become aware of after living my life in my own comfort zone for many years, and having been through such a transitional period recently, I’ve come out the other end feeling better than ever; so I decided to briefly touch on the process for this month’s blog.

Many people tend to live their life in what you could call the “grey zone”. It’s what your default setting is when it comes to everyday life and your expectations and how you generally feel overall. For most of the population this is usually neither great nor terrible, it’s somewhere in between with variants along the way which are usually dictated by circumstances and events, work, social activities, daily tasks such as household jobs, shopping, school runs etc. Basically, how you normally feel on a day to day basis. It’s also what is referred to as your comfort zone; it’s what you know and a level at which are comfortable with.

People can become bored within this area and start seeking something which takes them to a higher level; let’s call this the “white zone” which is a place where you may feel more excited, happier than usual, passionate or any other emotion that is ‘better’ than your default setting. Having all experienced this feeling at some point, we know it exists and that we can feel it. We assume that in order to get these feelings we must create the right circumstances to feel this way, or search for ways to make this happen. This could be anything from holidays to buying a new car, decorating the house, buying a new wardrobe and so on. Whilst whatever you choose to do is neither, good or bad, wrong or right; the novelty of it can wear off pretty quickly, and then you are soon looking for your next fix, or a way to get that same high again.

Equally, when times are tough and we feel less than average, our grey zone can suddenly become very appealing and we would do anything to get back to feeling ‘normal’, back into the grey zone.

Let’s call this area the “black zone”. These times can especially occur when we have a traumatic event such as a loss of some sort; job, death, money, relationship or anything which causes us to choose to feel not as good as we usually would. Whilst this point can often be seen as a negative, it is at this time where we have the opportunity for the most growth.

With each experience we have a choice; which direction are we heading and what do we have to do to get there. This may sometimes involve leaving our comfort zone to get the desired outcome.

What can often happen during this time is, as previously said; people will do anything to get back the grey zone, to feel “better” again. The relationship, job, situation, which wasn’t meeting their needs can suddenly become very appealing because it’s more comfortable than being out of it, as it’s what is familiar. You will often go through a process during the time of change, explained in Elizabeth Kubler’s theory in 1969, starting with denial (especially around death), anger, bargaining (for example: after a break up “can we still be friends?”), depression (usually when you have started to accept the situation) and acceptance. Not everyone will go through all stages and some may revisit one stage more than once. Techniques such as Time Line Therapy TM can assist you through this period and clear up any negative emotions you may be feeling. You can then start to transition into the next stages of experimenting with the new situation, feeling more positive and making decisions from that new place. Coaching can help with the transition through this time until eventually you are fully integrated into the white zone, your new level of comfort and this becomes your everyday state, your new grey zone. This is how your life continues to grow, evolve and reach new levels.