Positive Parenting Through Divorce

When a marriage ends, the greatest challenge parents face is minimizing the trauma, hurt, and loss for their children. Through positive parenting, adults have the power to help their children adjust to this major change. Healthy parenting also brings rewards to the adults as they get to feel proud of their actions and attitudes toward each other, setting positive examples for their children.

Here are some positive parenting suggestions:

• If you disagree about parenting plans, you can avoid the adversarial, expensive, and inflammatory process that comes with civil court procedures by using mediation services.

• Although the love relationship between you and your ex is over, you will always have a relationship as parents of your children. That is to say, that you will share many events in your children’s young and adult lives. These occasions should be valued and treasured, rather than just endured or used as opportunities to hurt one another.

• Remind your children that both parents will take care of them, even from different homes, and that expressing love or their other parent is allowed and expected. They will need to be reminded that the divorce is not their fault.

• Communication between your child and his or her other parent is vital. With young children, you might need to dial the phone so they can talk to the other parent. You can also encourage art projects to be sent to the other parent. Further, allow your child to have a picture of the parent he or she invariably misses.

• Separate your negative feelings about your ex from those of your children. You may need an adult friend, spiritual advisor, or therapist with whom to process your feelings so that you don’t inflict negativity on your children.

• You absolutely cannot make disparaging remarks about the other parent. Children lose their own childhood experience when they take care of their parents’ hurt feelings.

If a divorcing or separating parent does these things, a child’s feelings of loss about the breakup of the family is lessened. Though time helps heal the wounds caused by divorce, it is far better to minimize, through positive parenting, the damage that can occur from the outset.

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