Our I.D.™ gives us a remarkable insight into what we need to be at our best across all areas of our life. Whether at work or play, the I.D. enables us to generate strategies that will help us to enjoy achievement and fulfilment in our various life roles, including within one of the most challenging roles that many of us will ever face, that of parent. Indeed, many of our clients tell us that a hard days’ parenting can make a comparative picnic out of the most gruelling day at the office. So, how can I.D. help those of us who take on this often tough, though thankfully also rewarding role.
Well, the good news is that I.D. can give you lots of insights into what your children need to perform at their best and that includes what you can do to get them through one of their biggest life challenges – their time at school. When we talk about performing at their best here, we don’t just mean getting good grades. We also mean young people developing the confidence and self esteem essential to their healthy emotional development – of even greater importance when it comes to leading a meaningful and enriching life and learning the skills they will ultimately need to be the leaders of tomorrow.
In this article, we look at strategies for helping our children perform their best in school. The questions we address are:
The Swanson children: Joe 16, Emily 14 and Lucy 10 all go the same school. The teachers often comment how different they are both in personality and in their academic performance. Joe seems to fly by the seat of his pants, handing in assignments last minute, occasionally getting in trouble for being disruptive in class and frustrating his more conscientious schoolmates with his achievement of great grades. Emily couldn’t be more different, she does quite well but puts a lot of time and effort in and is very hard on herself when she doesn’t achieve all A’s and B’s. Her science grade particularly suffered this year when she had a series of stand-in teachers covering for the regular teacher’s sick leave. Although she has some close friends, group assignments are obviously a challenge for Emily, especially if she’s not in a group with those of a similar ability. In contrast again her sister Lucy is much less diligent and often switches off completely in lessons, which reflects in her grades. However, Lucy gets really excited by field trips and usually produces her best work when she has to write up these events. The teachers love her because she puts her hand up to volunteer for just about everything and she joins in most after school activities.
I.D. will explain your child’s motivations and unique talents and vulnerabilities. There are many influences that will affect how these play out throughout their schooling - not least of all your own I.D. , parenting style and hopes and expectations for your child. The culture of the education system and the behaviours of teachers and peers will also contribute to the extent to which the learning environment meets the particular needs of your child’s I.D. and the nature of the challenges they face operating within it. We certainly know that no particular I.D. is going to guarantee your child’s success. However, with the right strategies in place, to which you, as a parent, can make a significant contribution, I.D. can assist all children on their journey to the achievement of their full potential.
It’s the end of school year and exam preparation time in the Swanson household. David and Linda are doing their best to get Joe 16, Emily 14, and Lucy 10 through this challenging period but things are beginning to get heated! David’s mostly concerned about Joe. He’s done really well throughout the year despite little visible effort but father and son had a bit of a row when Joe showed no interest in David’s idea of drawing up a study plan. Joe said he’d prefer to take things day by day! David also can’t believe that his wife, Linda, is so cool about Joe having friends round to study all the time. He completely understands their eldest daughter Emily’s frustration at their rowdiness and loud music. He wasn’t at all surprised to find her doing her homework in the laundry room the other day. She said it was the only place to get some peace and quiet! Linda fetched her out and said she was being ridiculous and that anyway she shouldn’t be working so hard. Emily broke down in tears. Within minutes of this drama David managed to upset both Lucy and his wife by asking Lucy why she’d only got a C+ for her last history assignment. Linda quickly pointed out that as she got a C last time, a C+ was therefore evidence of progress and couldn’t he give their youngest daughter a little more encouragement? To sooth her injured little one, Linda attempted, uncharacteristically, to help with her maths homework. However, her youngest daughter’s inability to grasp the concept of percentages while also insisting Linda ‘show the working out’ quickly sent her into a spin. Fortunately, big brother Joe, no doubt happy to interrupt his own study, stepped in and fetched his internet bank statement. He showed Lucy how the interest was calculated. Peace was, temporarily at least, restored to the Swanson household.
After doing the Instinctive Drives™ questionnaire as part of an initiative to improve his team’s performance at work, David Swanson discovered he had the Instinctive Drive to Verify™ , the Instinctive Drive to Complete™ and that he was also driven to avoid the Instinctive Drive to Improvise™ . (7563) He had a call with a Link-up Consultant who explained his particular needs, talents and vulnerabilities and they discussed strategies in relation to some challenges David was facing at work. When David told Linda about the process she was fascinated, and not least of all intrigued to see if uncovering her motivations would shed any light on her and David’s occasional clashes. When she completed the Instinctive Drives™ questionnaire the couple’s biggest insight was around Linda’s strong drive to avoid the Instinctive to Verify™ . She also contrasted to David with her Instinctive to Improvise™ . (2458) The couple’s thoughts soon turned from the impact they were having on each other to the impact, perhaps not always a positive one, they were having on their three, seemingly very different, children.
Within business, leaders play a significant role in shaping their teams and the performance of the individuals within it. This scenario plays out in a similar way within a family. While your intentions as a parent are to love and grow your children the following examples will give some insights into how your
I.D.
vulnerabilities may be impacting on them, particularly in areas relating to their schooling.
Your need for things to be right and constantly improving may result in your child feeling that they’re never good enough e.g. when you focus on the one low mark on a report card, rather than the rest of the good ones; or focus on the improvement needed rather than the progress they’ve made since last time.
Avoid the Instinctive Drive to Verify™
You’re not naturally driven to give feedback and this may lead to them to thinking that you don’t really care enough to show interest by getting involved, which, of course, will never be your intention.
Instinctive Drive to Authenticate™
Your own drive to be hands on and to help e.g. with homework, may cause frustration when your child wants or needs to have a go on their own and work things out for themselves. Also, when they have to do it on their own, they won’t really know how to.
Avoid the Instinctive Drive to Authenticate™
Your need to leverage and use time as effectively as possible may lead to a hands-off approach to helping your child grow e.g. when they have a problem with their homework, you give them the essence of the solution without showing them how to apply it, which would make it real for them.
Instinctive Drive to Complete™
Warning your child of the future consequences, both real and imagined, of not doing well at school may place a heavy burden on them and demotivate rather than inspires them. Similarly, imposing a detailed long-term study plan on them, of the kind that would work for you , may not be what will work best for them.
Avoid the Instinctive Drive to Complete™
Your changing the plan may be confusing or frustrating for them e.g. if they’ve planned to study for the evening and you propose, at the last minute, a family evening out.
Instinctive Drive to Improvise™
Your need to create an impact may impose undue pressure on them to produce brilliant results. Also, they may perceive you as not being serious enough about things and having too much fun with things that are serious to them.
Avoid the Instinctive Drive to Improvise™
Your seriousness about school issues, given your need to separate work from play, may not provide the stimulation, encouragement and fun they need to actively engage in their studies.
Awareness of the vulnerabilities of your own I.D. is just the first step. Knowing your child’s I.D. is the next. Once you have discovered your child’s I.D. you can use your awareness of your own vulnerabilities, in conjunction with your new knowledge of your child’s needs, to apply strategies that will help them to perform at their best . Generally your approach should be to focus on the results they achieve as opposed to the process they follow to get there. However, also think of the family as a whole - getting 100% on a test by studying until 2am with the music all the way up may be a great result for an individual child, but not so great for everyone else in the family!
Linda and David Swanson spoke with the Link-up Consultant and decided that Joe and Emily would be comfortably able to complete the Instinctive Drives™ questionnaire but that it was too early yet for Lucy. They talked around Lucy’s improved performance at school when she could see the application of theory to real life and explored ways in which they could further help show her the links between the two. When, at last, they were able to pin down Joe for the 20 minutes required, and ensure that Emily understood there were no wrong or right answers to the questionnaire, they were able to discover their children’s Instinctive Drives™ . David was surprised to find that Joe shared his Instinctive Drive to Verify™ but less surprised by his drive to Avoid the Instinctive Drive to Complete™ and the fact that he shared his mother’s Instinctive Drive to Improvise™ . (6438) Emily’s Instinctive Drives™ were very similar to David’s but her Instinct to Complete™ was much more intense. (7483)
Avoid the Instinctive Drive to Verify™
Instinctive Drive to Authenticate™
Avoid the Instinctive Drive to Authenticate™
Instinctive Drive to Complete™
Avoid the Instinctive Drive to Complete™
Instinctive Drive to Improvise™
Avoid the Instinctive Drive to Improvise™
Things have changed a bit in the Swanson household, especially around end of school year exam preparation time! It’s certainly not all plain sailing but the family found that some ground rules around study have certainly helped the children to perform better at school and everyone to get less stressed. To begin with, hard though it is, David is learning to accept that Joe really does perform at his best last minute and under pressure. He also knows that Joe needs to juggle between subjects and assignments to maintain his motivation but that he can occasionally let a ball drop. At the end of each evening’s study David and Joe spend 10 minutes talking through what Joe’s covered that night. David also helps Joe break down the subjects he finds boring into manageable chunks and thinks up ways to make them revising more interesting for him, even setting up a Who Wants to be a Millionaire style science quiz for him and his friends. Joe in turn keeps the music to a reasonable volume when his friends are round, which is now happens on a rota basis with him going round to their house more often than before. Between 6.30pm and 7.30pm there’s a no music rule (or rather headphones only) and Emily is to be uninterrupted. When there are changes at school, such as in the teaching staff, David and Linda talk these things through with Emily to help her keep the consequences in perspective. They also do a lot more celebrating of the children’s successes including any progress made, and not just of academic successes but across all the activities they’re involved in. Lucy can’t wait to discover her Instinctive DrivesTm. In the meantime the Swanson’s are delighted that a new biology teacher has inspired her to take up gardening so that she can see first hand how plant biology really works!
Typically a child needs to be at about high-school age (around Year 7 or age 13) in order for the questionnaire to make sense. There will be some children who even in their teenage years may struggle to understand the questions and may not be fully aware of what their ‘way’ is. Indeed, some adults even have that frustration. Or, conversely, a child in primary school may be very bright and have a good sense of self and so would capable of doing their I.D.
Paul Burgess
Creator of the I.D. System™ and CEO & Founder of Link-up International
I.D.™: 8147
The history of I.D.
In a quest that started over 20 years ago, Paul’s questioning mind was driven to understand what makes people tick. His fascination with the “nature” versus “nurture” argument was first triggered while working in the area of financial services, specifically in the area of succession planning within family owned and operated businesses. Time and again Paul saw business owners trying to push round pegs into square holes, simply to satisfy social expectations. He saw eldest sons forced into positions that made them miserable and unproductive, and even threatened the survival of the businesses while the perfectly suited and motivated youngest daughter simmered on the sidelines. Paul embarked on a period of intense study in his drive to find a solution that could be helpful, practical and transformational. He studied the history of psychology including noted theories of many highly respected psychologists and philosophers including Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, St Thomas Aquinas, Maslow, Freud and Jung. He also studied many of the existing profiling tools that promised the answer. Through empirical research with people he lived and worked with on a daily basis - studying them and discussing why they did what they did - an intense, passionate, life journey began. The I.D. System™ was born.
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