Mindful Parenting and Traffic Lights

As I write this, I am looking out over Collins Avenue, in Miami Beach, Florida. It is Christmas Eve and there are a handful of cars on the road. The weather is a delightful 64 degrees Fahrenheit and a cool breeze licks my fingertips. The ocean is over my shoulder and dozens of palm trees stand motionless, the night sky cloaking their lush green fronds and sturdy brown trunks. I steady my eyes over a family of palms waiting for one to sway, but tonight they seem to prefer stillness. I sense they are meditating.

The only colors I see are red and green – appropriate for this Christmas Eve. These bright colors emanate from the traffic lights controlling an intersection a few blocks down the street. In this newsletter, we'll explore how the red and green colors of the traffic light can serve as a powerful mindful parenting tool.

Traffic Lights and The Cycle of Life Green symbolizes birth, naivete, springtime. Red symbolizes danger, death, fall turning to winter. I look out over the traffic lights, and as I watch the endless cycle of geen turning to red turning to green, I am reminded of the cycle of life: The light turns green and away we go. Then, without fail, a red light brings us to a stop. And then, lo and behold, another green and it starts all over again. I meditate on the countless times the lights have turned green, then red, then green again. I meditate on the countless red and green lights across the world readying to change color even at this moment. I ponder the countless generations that preceded me and the myriad generations that are yet to come. As I do, the rhythm of the alternating red and green begins to pulse deep inside me like the waves over my shoulder, forever rising to meet the shore.

Green Turning To Red and The Impermanence of It All A beautiful and touching insight flows from an appreciation of the impermanence of all that lives. Look around you. Everything is in the process of decay. Your computer will soon be junk, its parts destined to return to the Earth. So it is with the walls around you, the tile, cloth, and wood beneath your feet, the glass windows and mirrors that reflect light and your transient image, holiday gifts and children’s toys, the food in your refrigerator and belly, the air in your lungs, your hair, blood, and bones, the cushion you are sitting on, and the linens you wrap about you when you sleep. There is nothing constant to your dreams, your emotions, your fingernails, or your promises. All are in the process of change. Take a walk in a park and everywhere you look there is birth, death, and decay. Ducklings and rotting tree trunks.

Traffic Lights and Mindful Parenting And so, as I sit here – the night air having grown chilly, a full moon looming fuzzy against the night sky -- I can’t help but see the red and green lights as a symbol of something more profound than a traffic signal. They echo the orbiting of planets across the cosmos, the persistent ebbing and flowing of the oceans’ tides, the rise and fall of civilizations, the coming and going of species, and the transient minutiae of our simple human existence.

Somewhere amid the green and red of our existence, our beautiful child came into being. Around that time, the bright vibrant green of our child’s life began the lifetime migration toward red. Of course, in between the green of birth and the red of death, there are countless green and red moments. We open and shut our eyes; we awaken and fall asleep; our child grows another day, another year, another decade older; the year ends and begins anew; school terms come and go; games are won and lost; we become sick and we regain our health; babies are born; friends, enemies, and loved ones pass away; and more babies are born.

Traffic lights offer us the opportunity to more deeply practice mindful parenting and open awareness to the always changing and impermanent presence of our children in our lives. Rather than have our lives and those of our children pass with the automatic fluidity of driving the same worn path each day, the practice wakes us up to a greater awareness of the present moment. The light is green. The light is red. Through the practice of mindful parenting (and the verses below), we transform the simplicity of the green and red lights into one of great moment. And through that awareness, we appreciate the endless transitioning of all life between green and red and back to green again. These lights are a wonderful mindful parenting cue that we can draw upon each day.

As you approach a green light turning red, instead of rushing through it, cherish the opportunity to come to rest. Cherish also your arrival at a red light. Breathe deeply and relax your shoulders. As you inhale, observe the air filling your chest cavity, flowing deeper into your expanding soft belly. Exhale, and feel your body move into a deeper state of calm. Sense the red light burning away the thoughts racing through your brain. As you gaze at the red light, do so with deep awareness that that there is nothing you can do to stop it from turning green. Just as there is nothing you can do to stop your child from aging -- from moving from infant, to adolescent, to adult. Sooner or later, it happens. The red light will never stay red.

Stopped at red
I breathe deeply
And stare at a light, which,
Like my beautiful child
Cannot help but change.

As you rest at the red light, observe the world around you, teeming with life. Cars and people, trees, plants, and clouds, animals, insects, and rocks. Breathe deeply and consider how they are all constantly changing.

When the red light turns green, open awareness to the majesty of being alive. Of being able to go forward into life. Open awareness to the gift of being alive with your child on this bountiful Earth. Billions of mothers, fathers and children to have come before you have received the same gift. Now is the moment for you to realize that the gift can only be savored in the here and now – not tomorrow. As the car accelerates through the signal, smile and imagine you and your child jumping together into the cool of a green ocean surf. Your bodies tingle with aliveness as the cold water meets your warm bodies.

Passing through green
My child and IJump into life’s
Cool green ocean

The impermanence of life, of our lives and those of our children, enables feelings of joy and bliss. As your life’s journey continues, the connection between you and your child evolves and deepens. The changing nature of everything reminds you of the preciousness of the present moment and every passing moment provides the opportunity to tap into your connection with your child. Let the green and red lights that surround you help you tap into that connection and touch the essence of your presence on this Earth.