Communication is the Enemy of Conflict.

Wars are raging all around us. Political battles fought daily in the work place, in government and in our family circle. The symptoms are many – jealousy, personal infringements and one upmanship are common, but mostly it is a turf war – a war over territory, whether that is physical territory such as a piece of ground or metaphysical territory . We see this everywhere - in the workplace, social environments, interdepartmental issues and of course between Nations. It is about trying to receive more – more sovereignty, more attention and accolades, more recognition and rewards. It is about a belief in an individuals superiority over others, because of a certain ideology or ability. It is about greed and above all misunderstanding.

We see conflict over religion, thousands of people die for a ‘cause’ just because we are different in our beliefs and cultures, and we cannot, or do not, communicate this in a respectful and meaningful way. We fail to make the human connections necessary for creating tolerance and understanding.

If we learn to take just a few moments more to understand the position of an adversary, then we may be able to find less harmful ways to settle disputes. We so often jump to conclusions, or even worse, have preconceived conclusions about the situation in which we are supposed to be negotiating.

Negotiation is the art of communication to achieve a desired outcome, and often peace. That may be as simple as peace between siblings, a student and teacher, or as complex as two nations or cultures. It may be the signing of a deal that is beneficial to all. It may be parental permission to attend an event. It has many outcomes.

If you consider this too simplistic – then I ask you, as an average person – to consider the following question:

Would you find it harder to harm a person, who is on the other side of a conflict, if you knew his or her name, had touched them, spoken to them, heard their life story and the song that was in their heart?

Most of you will answer ‘yes’.Why?

If we make a human connection to another person, share their energy, understand their story and their goals, we will naturally have a better understanding of why they feel/think/act/speak the way they do. We will better understand why they have certain beliefs and want certain outcomes that may be different to our own. If we also share our story and goals with them, openly and honestly, then they will also have this better understanding of why we want our desired outcomes. From this point of understanding the bigger picture, sharing the energy, and making a strong human connection we will begin to be able to move forward towards a position of compromise, resolution and peace.

If we can present our different points of view with respect, without taking anything away from our adversary then a positive flow of energy is exchanged and we begin to communicate on a level where we can respectfully explore how to move forward toward resolution.

What if the other person does not share this thinking? It doesn’t matter! Actually by taking this positive stance, you will be moving forward and it becomes more difficult for the other side to continue on the existing path of direct conflict.

If you establish a human connection with each person you meet in your daily life, it will become normal to take a position of understanding instead of intolerance, impatience or conflict. You will find that the day to day small issues are lessened, and the larger ones are resolved far easier, and in less time, with less frustration.

It is the nature of the very Universe in which we are placed to interconnect. People are tribal and most of us are not mentally designed to survive alone, yet we are prepared to walk our path ignoring others, even avoiding contact. We are beginning to live in a world where we are connected to people through technology all over the world, yet don’t know the name of our neighbours or what matters to them. We don’t speak to the person in the aircraft seat next to us for sometimes hours at a time, yet our arms touch. We ridicule the behavior of someone with very different ideas, or who dresses only in a certain style , or label them because they exhibit certain traits that we don’t understand.

When we are connected to each other locally and globally as a community of humans with shared energy and dreams, recognised skills and weaknesses, acceptance of belief in a God or not, then we begin to discover a whole new world of actions and reactions through understanding, and we begin to overcome conflict with its natural enemy – communication.

Terrie Anderson, author of the highly acclaimed book, ‘One Minute More – The Human Connection’ is a practical visionary, and thought leader in human communication and negotiation . She is a regular keynote speaker for both community and international events.