Mommy burnout and saying "No"

Mom's set the example for their family. Saying No is a part of setting and holding clear boundaries which make the entire house calmer and smoother because everyone has clarity and knows those boundaries. Always giving in and saying yes to children creates an entitlement monster who are bound to have disappointment when they get out in the world and find that everyone will not cater to their every whim. Clear and consistent boundaries and consequences while not always easy are one of the most loving things you can do for your family.

In establishing my own inner peace I found that "Me time makes for better We time ". When you don't take the time to care for yourself you will have less energy, often have a shorter temper and find yourself unavailable to your family and unable to deal with their trauma drama. If you are worn out, burn out and frustrated you are not spending quality, effective time with your family. Taking the time to properly care for you creates a better time for all when you are together. Kids do not want/need a shell of a parent. They want a Mom who is truly interested in them and is happy with her own life. After all what do we as Mom's want most for our children? For them to be happy. Where do they learn how to be happy? By watching you. If you're not happy and don't have inner peace, your kids most likely won't either.

I found that with my busy schedule it was most effective to schedule my "Me time" just as I would any other commitment. I also learned to keep that appointment just as I would if I had made it with someone else. When we break our promises to ourselves this erodes self-trust and when we don't trust ourselves, eventually no one else does either. I encourage Mom's to explore effective ways to recharge themselves and follow through. "Me time" can be anything from taking a luxurious bath with a good book, music, candles and a glass of wine or going for a hike in the mountains. Whatever it is, it should bring you peace and a smile to your face and be about you.

"Me time" needs to be clearly communicated. My kids knew that when I said I was going to take a bath, it meant I was to be undisturbed for at least one hour - unless the house was burning down or there was a true emergency. It is always best to define what a true emergency is, so that you're not getting the whining scream of "Maaaaummmm" because Johnny changed the channel that Sue was watching. It was predetermined how incidents like this were to be handled while I was having "Me time". At a minimum "Me time" should be taken once a month. Ideally it should happen at least once a week. Start small, but start moving towards this!

Remembering that they are young, still learning and developing their abilities and wanting to fit in while still being unique was something that helped me to be the solid, safe and peaceful anchor for my kids. Apply duct tape liberally when they try to bring chaos in and respond from a calm, peaceful and understanding state. If you can't get there in the moment, take a time out and encourage them to do the same. Don't make stuff up or play the right/wrong game. Establishing trust and confidence with clear communication goes a long way to feeding inner peace. You can't do it for them, but you can certainly show them how it's done.