REFRAMING NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR IN YOUR NAUGHTY CHILD

The best thing to do when your child has a negative behavior that needs to be changed is:

1. Assume good intent. If you assume he meant to do something bad, then he might end up continuing on with the negative behavior and/or becoming defensive. It is better to assume positive intent and then lead them from there.

2. If the behavior needs a reframing of content, then you can find out what that positive intention is, and you can work with your child to find a different behavior that would meet the same need.

3. If the behavior needs a reframing of the context, then you can sit with your child and discuss a more appropriate context for the behavior, i.e. a better time and place for the behavior.

Reframing the content is simply changing one’s focus or adjusting the filter of perception. Here is an example. Your child tried out for the lead part in the school play and didn’t get it. Not only did he not get the lead, he wasn’t cast in the play at all, and instead was put in charge of set design. He is furious and has refused to go to rehearsals. After all, why bother if he’s not acting in the play. He knows he’s a good actor, and he should have been given a part.

You sit down with him and talk with him about it, pointing out that there may be a good reason for why the director of the play decided to put him in charge of set design. Your child just doesn’t see this. You decide to call the director, and find out if there is a way to explain to your child why the decision was made and as you talk about it with her, you realize that your child’s artistic talent is held in high regard.

When you take this back to your child, he is stunned. He didn’t realize he had that much artistic ability. He enjoys art and has always been creative, but he didn’t think anyone had really noticed. Suddenly he realizes that designing the set would be fun, and it would be seen by everyone. It’s such a crucial part of a production, and helps to set the mood of the whole thing. He is now very happy with the decision, and attends rehearsals without any problem at all.

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Hope you do enjoy this reframing strategy for coaching your child to succeed as an individual.