Communicating with Your Lover

Whether you’ve been with your partner for years, or are with someone new for the first time, it’s important to express what you want. There are many ways to communicate your desires. We do this through our behaviors, through our actions and reactions, through our body language, or by simply asking. Talking about what we want and what turns us on takes away the guesswork. However some couples prefer the trial-and-error method. What worked with his (or your) previous partnership, may not necessarily work with this one. Some men may need to be taught how to make love beyond the simple primal act of intercourse and male ejaculation. The attentive male understands a woman’s need for foreplay and knows her level of pleasure is just as important as his own.

In the very sexy book and movie, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, there are numerous love-making scenes featuring the exceptionally attractive and persuasive Tomáš (Daniel Day-Lewis), in which he wastes no time climbing on top of women and just ramming his erection inside them. Sound familiar, ladies? How many men get right to the point, forcing entrance, without paying attention to the reception area. There are certainly times when we’re overcome with excitement and an immediate integration is gratifying and all-good, but it can be painful if we do not have enough natural lubrication to accommodate an abrupt entry. However, there are other times when it’s better to take it slow, allowing time to explore and enjoy various forms of intimacy to “prime the pump” so to speak.

Most men appreciate and respect a confident, secure and self-assured woman who knows what she wants and can be directive, sometimes providing very specific instructions in on the best way to please her and bring her to orgasm. We can clearly express verbally, physically demonstrate or guide with our hands, body and reassuring gestures. Some women don’t really know what they want, and they may want to personally experiment with what satisfies their individual yearnings. The process of self-discovery is always evolving and expanding. I recommend taking some private time to explore all the various ways of mental and physical stimulation for optimum self-gratification. We’ll discuss more about unabashed masturbation in another upcoming article, as it’s essential to be able to blissfully enjoy ourselves with or without a partner.

You might initiate intimate foreplay by offering him a sensual massage or focused attention to rouse an erection, while at the same time communicating your desire for a deep, intense connection. An attentive lover will reciprocate your affection and just might find himself led along a journey of redefining the meaning of the word “sex”. Intimacy is all about giving and receiving, sharing and connecting. The more pleasure you offer your lover, the more you will evoke enjoyment for the both of you. The act of giving freely and unconditionally will also enable you to be more open to receiving and truly appreciating any new experiences your partner may be striving to give you. By slowing down and being present with all your senses, you claim your sensuality and help him become more in touch with his own. Together, you find yourselves surrendering to a delicious, erotic experience – and looking forward to the next.