Relationships: Why Do Some People Find That Other People Are Never There When They Need Them?

If one needed something, they may find that there is someone who they can call on to be there for them. In fact, there could be a number of people who would be only too happy to support them.

And the reason they have this outlook is going to be because these people have been there for them in the past. This is not to say that they always expect them to be there; what it comes down to is that there is a strong chance that there will always be someone who is available.

Normal

What this is then going to mean is that it will be normal for them to experience life in this way, and this could be how their life has always been. As a result of this, they might find it hard to imagine what it would be like to experience life differently.

This doesn’t mean that they won’t have had moments in their life when there was no one there; what it means is that this could be something that rarely takes place. Thus, it could be a challenge for them to truly connect to the experience of not having any one around.

In The Past

However, if they can connect to this experience, it could be a sign that they used to experience life in this way. Perhaps this was how their life was a few years ago, and this would have meant that it was what was normal.

Through having these experiences, one may find that they are incredibly grateful to experience life in this way. And in order for them to change what was taking place, they may have had to put in a lot of effort to change their circumstances.

Interdependent

But by putting this effort in, it allowed them to change their life, and this would have made their life a lot easier. If one was their own island, it wouldn’t matter if other people were there for them; but as this is not the case, it does matter.

It is not uncommon for people to see themselves as ‘independent’, and yet this is nothing more than an illusion. And when someone tries to do everything by themselves, their life will be harder than it needs to be.

The Other Side

So when one is aware of the fact that they need others, they are likely to realise that they are interdependent. Also, if one is in a position where other people are there for them, they are also likely to be there for others.

This will then show that they are in balance, as if this wasn’t the case they would be out of balance. And while other people might put up with their behaviour it the beginning, there is a strong chance that they would soon take a step back.

One-Sided

However, even though one can be in a position where they are there for others, it doesn’t mean that they are there for them. Or if they are, this could be something that only happens from time to time.

It is then going to be normal for one to feel frustrated, angry and powerless, and their life is likely to be a struggle. Therefore, one could have moments in their life when they act as though they don’t need anyone.

Needless

One could believe that other people generally let them down, and as way to stop this from happening, they could try to do everything by themselves. This might work for a short while and then before long, they are likely to realise that they need others.

After having this experience, they could reach out to others and find that the same thing takes place all over again. Through having these experiences, one could also end up feeling like a victim.

A Closer Look

On one hand, one could believe that they have no control over what is taking place, and on the other hand, they could look into why they are experiencing life in this way. If they were to take the second option, it would give them the chance to change their life.

Whereas if they were to continue to believe that there is nothing they can do, their life is unlikely to change. If one has got to the point where they are no longer willing to suffer enough, it could cause them to look into what part they are playing in all this.

Behaviour

Firstly, one could look into their own behaviour and see how they go about trying to get their needs met. Through doing this, they could find that they just expect other people to be there for them without actually asking them.

Along with this, one could also come to see that they expect other people to fulfil needs that only they can fulfil. For instance, one could have unmet childhood needs, and it won’t be possible for other people to fulfil them.

Hidden

When one is unable to let other people know what their needs are, it can be a sign that they feel ashamed of them. And through feeling this way, it can cause them to attract people who are unable fulfil them.

The people one spends their time with could then be self-centred, and this means that they won’t be interested in being there for others. So unless they feel comfortable with their own needs, their life is unlikely to change.

Needs

If one feels ashamed of their needs, it can be due to what took place during their childhood years. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected, and this would have set them up to believe that their needs are not important.

Awareness

In order for one to move beyond this challenge, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.