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“I admire and support him. I am his biggest fan. I am his right hand and one woman audience. I am his best friend and his only source of succor. Yet, he constantly humiliates and berates me and abuses me in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. What gives?”
He may be a narcissist.
The narcissist ... Views:2086
When we look outside for self-definition and self-worth, we are giving power away and setting ourselves up to be victims. We are trained to be victims. We are taught to give our power away.
As just one small example of how pervasively we are trained to be victims, consider how often you ... Views:1213
As an author and speaker on co-addiction, and as a wife of a recovering drug-addict, one of the most common questions I get is how do you forgive? It is understandable that after all of the lies, betrayal, and pain that come with addiction that loved ones would have a difficult time forgiving. ... Views:2768
As an author and speaker on co-addiction, and as a wife of a recovering drug-addict, one of the most common questions I get is how do you forgive? It is understandable that after all of the lies, betrayal, and pain that come with addiction that loved ones would have a difficult time forgiving. ... Views:2277
Rejection and break-ups are especially hard for codependents. They can trigger hidden grief and cause irrational guilt, anger, shame, and fear. Working through the following issues can help you let go and move on.
Codependents often blame themselves or their partner.
They have low ... Views:1686
My loved one has only been sober for 1 month. Why aren’t they answering their phone? Did he/she relapse again? Oh no…not again. You call. They don’t answer. You drive by their favorite restaurant; their favorite bar. They aren’t there. You call their friends. No answer.
There it ... Views:4297
Let the dating begin!
10 Common Sense Rules for Healthy Dating
Determine COMPATIBILITY before making a sexual or long-term
COMMITMENT.
*Dating is defined as the information gathering stage of an adult relationship designed to determine the overall compatibility of a potential life ... Views:4174
As human beings, we live our lives with certain expectations. For emotionally healthy individuals, expectations are more likely to be realistic and rational -- based on reality.
For individuals whose emotional health is less-than healthy, expectations are often unrealistic and impractical – ... Views:4370
No Contact Rule
Cutting Out the Ex and Moving Forward
Healthy people who experience a relationship break up generally experience universal stages of grief such as anger, sadness, and disappointment. Eventually they come to accept the loss and move forward.
For love addicts, moving ... Views:2479
In some relationships, unhealthy ones to say the least, one person or the other uses their partner as a punching bag as a way of punishment; punishment for hurting them and making them unhappy. Instead of taking responsibility for their own happiness, they make you suffer. They may criticize ... Views:4085
Where There Is a Will There Is A Way
The truth is that we are living in our physical bodies and have “this” one life to live. We each can only take it one day at a time! Of course, I know that this is nothing new to you. In fact, its a philosophy you’ve heard dozens of times before; ... Views:1192
Ana (not her real name*) came to see me because she was having second thoughts about her job and relationship and was looking for direction. She had the desire to switch to a holistic career and had taken some reiki classes. She also remembered being able to see people’s auras when she was a kid ... Views:1312
Enabling is a term often used in the context of a relationship with an addict. It might be a drug addict (which includes an alcoholic), gambler, or compulsive shopper. Enablers suffer the effects of the addict’s behavior rather than the addict. Enabling “removes the natural consequences to the ... Views:2335
I have noticed that when we have the foot to the pedal, we are moving so fast that we actually miss the beautiful scenery around us. We go about life trying to get things accomplished to such an extent that we burn ourselves out and end up actually accomplishing less... So, what's the point? ... Views:1710
When we are in a vulnerable place, triggered, overextended, overwhelmed, stressed, hormonal, whatever, we function from a less than resourceful state and therefore can very easily fall prey to negative thinking, victimization, sabotaging, undermining, deprecating, blaming, abuse, neglect, and ... Views:1721
One of the love languages is Words of Affirmation (book referenced above). Words of affirmation come in many forms including praise, acknowledgement, credit, recognition, validation, compliments, and appreciation. Each of these are a gift in and of themselves. When you use these, you show your ... Views:1767
As human beings we all need to let go sometimes in order to experience a happy life. Keeping emotions locked up within ourselves is not healthy for us or for those close to us. This is why emotional release is a necessary thing. The problem is that many people have no idea how to perform this ... Views:1899
If you’re struggling with codependency, I want you to know that codependence recovery is an important part of getting through your issues and gaining some freedom. Not everyone’s path will look the same, but committing to some sort of recovery will be most beneficial to you.
Breaking the ... Views:2083
Codependency is often thought of as a relationship problem and considered by many to be a disease. In the past, it was applied to relationships with alcoholics and drug addicts. It is a relationship problem; however, the relationship that’s the problem is not with someone else, but the ... Views:2742
If you find yourself alone, bored and empty inside during the holidays, then ask God to help you to find your people, your place, your focus and activities. If you are alone, that means that the people surrounding you where you are are not the right friends for you and you have chosen to not ... Views:1386
There was an extended period of time in my life where I was a CAVE dweller. We all know people that are. CAVE is an acronym for Citizens Against Virtually Everything. CAVE dwellers are the people that look at life as a glass that is half full and complain about it. They complain loudly about ... Views:1823
Have you been told, “Just let go of it,” or tell yourself, “I have to let go,” but wonder, how? I’ve asked myself that question. Sometimes you want to let go of a worry or an obsession about someone else. You may try to detach, but can't. Other times when you can’t move forward after a major ... Views:2776
Have you ever felt you were giving too much to others? taking on their problems or allowing them to dump their problems on you? Is it hard for you to say no or tell another person how you are feeling without guilt or shame?
These may be signs that your boundaries are fuzzy and could benefit ... Views:2257
INTRODUCTION
About 30 years ago, my dad joked (or so I thought was a joke): “The soul mate of your dreams is gonna become the cellmate of your nightmares.” It takes some of us decades to realize that our parents were actually a lot smarter than we gave them credit for. What I thought was just ... Views:2382
Most of us believe that we want to have a loving and intimate relationship with a significant other. But we may not realize what that actually means. We may not be ready to deal with and reveal our own inner demons, those parts of our self that cause us to feel hurt, insecure, ashamed and ... Views:4712
Saying the words, "I want to break up," whether with respect to a marital relationship or any other committed romantic relationship, is one of the hardest things a human being ever has to do.
Making the conscious choice to end one of the strongest bonds we have ever made frightens us to our ... Views:1775
Are you in a relationship with an addict? Have your attempts at helping that person failed? Do you feel powerless? Codependency is a term used when one person develops unhealthy patterns due to the involvement with another person who has the disease of addiction. Some of the negative patterns ... Views:1712
Sometimes, the breakup is initiated by the long-suffering spouse or intimate partner of the narcissist or psychopath. As she develops and matures, gaining in self-confidence and a modicum of self-esteem (ironically, at the narcissist’s behest in his capacity as her “guru” and “father figure”), ... Views:17900
Clinging and smothering behaviours are the unsavoury consequences of a deep-set existential, almost mortal fear of abandonment and separation. For the codependent to maintain a long-term, healthy relationship, she must first confront her anxieties head on. This can be done via psychotherapy: the ... Views:3150
Clinging and smothering behaviours are the unsavoury consequences of a deep-set existential, almost mortal fear of abandonment and separation. For the codependent to maintain a long-term, healthy relationship, she must first confront her anxieties head on. This can be done via psychotherapy: the ... Views:1920
Pathological envy is not the same as romantic jealousy. These two emotions have little to do with each other.
Romantic jealousy is the product of a violation of trust; a breach of romantic exclusivity of intimacy; and a denial of possession. It also involves damage to the self-esteem and ... Views:1700
Stop selling your love. Be You - The Greatest Gift of All. Become a love consultant, share your love freely and openly, and watch love easily and effortlessly rebound to you.
Have you ever met someone who keeps telling you how wonderful they are, how caring and loving they are, and how ... Views:2115
The music industry is obsessed with love. Songs about love reach #1 on the charts over and over again. But the type of love sung about is often more like compulsion, neediness, personal inadequacy, idealization of another, mystery, novelty, unavailability, codependency and actually the ... Views:2678
Not everyone who takes drugs in an addict or even likely to become one, just as not everyone who drinks alcohol is an alcoholic. In fact here are many who, notwithstanding the campaigns against both indulge in substance abuse. Students are especially fond of acquiring a skin full and making ... Views:1452
Shame is so painful to the psyche that most people will do anything to avoid it – even though it’s a natural emotion that everyone has. It’s a physiologic response of the autonomic nervous system. You might blush, have a rapid heartbeat, break into a sweat, freeze, hang your head, slump your ... Views:3048
Codependence is a new word that became popular in the 1980's. It has become a buzzword and important for you to understand in becoming the person you want to be. In less aware times codependence was considered normal. To be good, perfect, compliant, agreeable, giving, and selfless was rewarded ... Views:1936
Everyday Dilemma: Should I keep my own counsel and accept my partner’s unpleasant behaviors? Or, should I let him know that I reject them and want him to change?
There’s something very odd about us humans. We invite others to be our intimate friends, lovers, and partners because we either ... Views:1904
Throughout the first sixteen years of my marriage my husband, Dean, struggled with his addiction to alcohol, prescription pain pills, and crack cocaine. As his addiction continued to get worse, my ability to set healthy boundaries failed. This didn’t happen overnight -- it was a gradual process ... Views:3214
Everyday Dilemma: Do I honor my thirst to be alone for awhile, or do I follow the longing in my heart to be together with friends and family?
For years I believed intimacy meant being together with my beloveds - all the time! Everyone I knew suffered greatly from my youthfully exuberant ... Views:1844
The Everyday Dilemma: Do I take care of myself now, or everyone and everything else first, including my career?
Most of us truly wish to infuse our lives with love, compassion, and caring. And, you have probably been enticed by the common notion that bringing these words to life requires ... Views:1766
The dilemmas of codependent men aren’t talked about. Unlike women, men don’t discuss their relationship problems with friends and family. Instead, they internalize their pain. Many are in denial, suffer in silence, or become numb to their needs and feelings. They shun attention and try to do the ... Views:3174
Are you looking for help for your Christian codependency? If so, one of the things you might be wondering is what caused your codependency. In the 1980s, codependency was originally used to describe the dysfunctional patterns of family members of chemically dependent people who were also called ... Views:2390
Are you with the best partner for you? Whether you are married to yours, living with them or contemplating spending a lot of time with them in the future it is a good idea to know if you are truly compatible with them first.
Remember that sometimes your partner shows a certain side of their ... Views:2141
It seems to be a silent but growing epidemic of miscommunication between people in any kind of relationships. If you read forum comments, help requests are popping up everywhere, and the hurt from miscommunication seems to be a shared national pain.
Several factors have contributed to the ... Views:5353
Are you struggling with Christian codependency? If you answered yes, then you probably experience feeling guilty often in your relationships. Codependents struggle with guilt in relationships because they hold untrue beliefs about relationships. They need to change their inaccurate beliefs about ... Views:2220
Many people claim that they trust others until they have reason not to, but when you first meet someone, you don’t know anything about their integrity or past conduct, except what they tell you. Trustworthiness is proven over time by actions, not only by words. You can get hurt by believing what ... Views:2391
Satisfying relationships are built on a foundation of safety and trust that you won’t be hurt physically or emotionally. Whether you trust too little or too much is influenced by your past, but once trust is broken, your sense of safety is in jeopardy. You feel insecure and may begin to question ... Views:2302
The following 6 Scriptural misunderstandings form the basis of Christian codependency. They show how inaccurate Scriptural understandings contribute to Christian codependency. The cure is an accurate understanding of what the Bible says about ourselves and how we are to value ourselves compared ... Views:1803
Before we answer the question "What makes codependency qualify as Christian codependency?" we need to understand the history of the term. In the 1980s, codependency was originally used to describe the dysfunctional patterns of family members of chemically dependent people who were also called ... Views:1964
Take a close look at the life of any person struggling with addiction, and you will likely find at least one family member or friend 'helping' that person. Somebody making it easier for the addict to continue in the progression of their disease. This behavior is called enabling. The problem is ... Views:3260