If you're reading this article, it's highly likely that your husband wants a divorce and you don't. Of course, I do not know whether he's merely suggested divorce or separation, you're actively going through it, or if he's already left. No matter the situation, this article will tell you the first steps in delaying or stopping the divorce and buy you the time to work on the relationship before the divorce becomes final.
Step One: Don't Panic And Give Him What He's Asked For (Only For Now):The first few seconds when your spouse tells you he wants a divorce can be like someone punching you in the stomach. Your inclination is to take action to immediately fix this. It's likely that later you'll start pacing or brainstorming trying to very quickly come up with the best course of action. What follows may be decisions and actions not typical of you. You're not doing this because you are crazy. You merely want quick results and you figure the more time that passes that you're broken up, the more likely this is going to be a permanent thing.
But here's what's really happening. You're not thinking clearly and are prone to making some really unfortunate decisions right now. Panic leads to desperation and desperation will cause you to make some very bad calls. When you're panicked you're more likely to make huge damaging mistakes that will further harm your marriage rather than saving it, like: saying things that aren't true; making harsh statements just to get a reaction out of your husband; making threats about his access to his children; or degrading yourself by promising him the moon on a silver platter.
Unfortunately, it's possible that none of these things will work. He will immediately see that these come from an unattractive and desperate place and he'll not only reject these strategies, but in the future, he'll be more careful about being around you so he doesn't have to repeat this. (Unfortunately, this is exactly what happened to me. More on that here .)
Step Two: Your Husband Has Asked For A Break, So Give It To Him:Notice I didn't say divorce. I would never advise you to immediately agree to a divorce, but I would certainly advise you to agree that a break would be beneficial to both of you. At this point, let him go wherever he's going. Divorce proceedings take months, so just allow this break so that you can both calm down. You're agreeing to give him time should greatly diffuse the alienation and anger. Now, there's a correct, calm and believably way to say and do this. There is a video demonstration I'd highly recommend checking out and I'd also recommend practicing several times before you actually do this. If your husband believes you're only playing games, his wall that he puts up to keep you out is going right back up.
Step Three: Think About This: The Purpose Of A Break / Separation Can Be To Stop A Divorce And Save A Marriage :There are several reasons for the break. First, it will diffuse the situation and give everyone time to calm down. Second, when you're on this break, you should pursue your own enjoyment, visit old friends, and take up old hobbies. Not only will this help with the pain and give you something to look forward to, but it is going to make you more of the happy, intriguing person your husband first fell in love with and this is going to tease his interest. Finally, people want what they don't have. If you aren't in close proximity, it's likely he'll begin to miss you.
Now, there are several variables that can happen during this process and you need to evaluate and play them correctly. But, none of this is impossibly hard and doing so will at least reestablish a cordial respectful relationship that you can use as a springboard to begin addressing the underlying issues (but only when you are back to a good, receptive relationship. If you try to do this too soon, it may scare your husband away.)
Step Four: Don't Believe That It Is Too Late To Change His Mind And Stop The Divorce:I'm often asked when is there still time to get back to a cordial relationship to stop the divorce. Sometimes, panic truly did set in and regrettable behaviors occurred. The husband is now avoiding you every chance he gets. You can still return to a cordial relationship, but you have to take very gradual calculated baby steps to get there. If your husband won't accept your calls, you may have to back off for a while and then, once the smoke has cleared, send a hand-written, sincere, short letter (no texts) that only attempts to make peace at first.
I know that in my own experience, getting my husband back was my primary goal for a very long time. I panicked. I did not understand the gradual approach. I wish I'd known then what I'm telling you now.
Thankfully, through a bit of dumb luck, I was able to save my marriage. That story is at http://isavedmymarriage.com/
There are links to more articles about saving your marriage at http://isavedmymarriage.com/