NLP and the Power of Positive Language

You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive - Johnny Mercer 1944

We often say in NLP that the unconscious mind can't process a negative, but what on earth does that mean?

If I were to say to you, "Don't think of a red stop sign" what do you think would happen in that very moment? Yes, you would think of a red stop sign. You’d think of the sign because the suggestion has been made to your unconscious and your unconscious has immediately deleted the 'don't'.

"Don't drop it!" is the kind of well-intentioned thing that is often said to children when they are handling or carrying something delicate. Unfortunately, the outcome is often the exact reverse of the intention and the child will almost instantly manifest a severe case of slippery fingers. A much more useful instruction would describe the outcome you want - instead of the outcome you don't; "Hold on tight. Take your time." would surely have a better effect in bringing down household item breakage rates.

Signage is another great example of this. Imagine two locker rooms in two fitness centres. In one there's a sign that says, "Don't forget your locker key!" and in the other, a sign that says "Remember to take your locker key with you!” It seems obvious that the latter would be a far more effective reminder, doesn't it?

So it is with our self-talk. Have you ever said to yourself, "Don't forget to pick up some milk on the way home" and the next day started to make your morning cup of coffee or tea, only to realise that you did, in fact, forget to pick up milk on the way home? Without knowing it, you actually suggested to your unconscious that you forget. 'Don't forget' is a common thing to say but what do you think might happen if you said to yourself, "I must remember to pick up some milk on the way home.”? Do you think the result might be different?

Stating what you want in the positive, rather than what you don't want, is a great habit to get into. "I'd like to be full of energy when I need to be" will give a more effective outcome than "I don't want to be tired all the time." Similarly, "I don't want to be fat." won't be as useful to your unconscious as, "I want to get to and maintain a healthy, natural weight."

For the next few days why not try stating the ouctomes you want from your friends, family, colleagues and, most importantly, yourself exclusively in positive terms? It can be an interesting challenge intially as you begin to realise just how few people do it naturally and how rarely you previously did it yourself. It is a fun exercise though and you might just be surprised at the results.