On occasion I meet someone who “knows it all.” These pseudo-fountains of knowledge are usually among the first to require counseling. Regardless of the type of therapy provided, all counselors, from time to time, run into someone who has a cornucopia of knowledge to impart to the therapist. The question then becomes, why are you here?
Most people realize that their knowledge of sexuality can be enhanced; however, talking about it is a different issue. For most individuals, when it comes to having an open, honest dialogue with their mates, whom their intimacy issues usually involve or impact, they struggle. Most people dread asking questions or sharing concerns about their sexuality because, in the past, they have experienced being met with judgment and this has left them feeling shamed or guilty.
Some individuals make statements like “everyone should know about sex.” My reply to this statement is that everyone has not had the same experience and how would they “just know” anything. When I ask these same people if they have discussed their sexual concern or issues with their mate, without fail, 9 out of 10 times, the answer is “No”. When I ask why not, there is always a reason that they cannot justify. The response usually sounds something like, “well ah…it’s kinda like this…see ah…ummm…well Doc…we cannot talk about sex because...” As human beings far too often we are familiar with a suppression of the truth in small and great matters.
Communication about sex continues to be a problem faced by many who struggle sometimes unnecessarily because they do not know who to speak to. As reported by International Longevity Center-USA from an Interdisciplinary Workshop conducted on Intimacy and Sexuality , discussions of sexual problems, preferences and promotion of sexual self-awareness or knowledge, rarely occur between spouses, parent and child, clergy and congregant, teacher and student, even physicians and patient. What a shame! What makes this so amazing is that human sexual development begins in early childhood and continues over the span of our life through to late adulthood. To think that for most of us these open, frank conversations never take place is disquieting to say the least.
The public discourse on human sexuality spans history, culture, societies, religion , political and legal systems, literature, artistic expression, and the media. The healthy expression of sexual intimacy and relationships has been linked to many health benefits. According to David Satcher, the former Surgeon General and, research conducted by the Planned Parenthood Federation of America, these benefits include longevity , fitness , (better) sleep, fertility, mental well-being, and promotion of marital bonding.
In Alfred Kinsey’s, 1948 book Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, Alan Gregg , of the Medical Sciences , Rockefeller Center states, “ Certainly no aspect of human biology in our current civilization stands in more need of scientific knowledge and courageous humility than that of sex. As long as sex is dealt with in the current confusion of ignorance and sophistication, denial and indulgence, suppression and stimulation, punishment and exploitation, secrecy and display, it will be associated with duplicity and indecency that lead neither to intellectual honesty nor human dignity.”
As reported in the executive summary Intimacy and Sexuality: Toward a Life span Perspective cited earlier, this is still true today in 2008, where, despite an inundation of sexual imagery and innuendo, even though there is a massive sexual marketplace here in our Western culture engineered through the Internet, a frank understanding of the meaning of the importance of sexuality for our health, our quality of life, and human experience is still lacking. Sexual expression continues to be taboo.
On my web site I offer an opportunity for you and I to begin a discourse on sexuality that may lead to a more fulfilling expression of your sexuality and intimacy needs that can affect your intimate relationships, starting with where you are. The first step to attaining a longer, healthier intimate more fulfilling sexual relationship is to talk about it, ask questions that concern you about your sexuality. Your sexuality is about you and your desires. Sexual satisfaction is one of the most important aspects of adult life and mental well-being.
I'd like to hear your thoughts, email me at sadie@drsheafe.com
And Visit www.DrSadieSheafe.com
Dr Sheafe has over 24 years of clinical experience in marriage counseling & family therapy. She specializes in: substance abuse treatment, drug addiction, sex therapy and couples counseling. She can assist with recovery from emotional, verbal, physical and drug abuse. Dr Sheafe is considered an expert on domestic violence and issues related to childhood trauma and porn addiction. She has worked with thousands of clients throughout the United States & Europe. She States, “I offer solid, down-to-earth guidance!” She is called upon by litigators as an ‘Expert Witness’ for issues related to sexual trauma. She offers phone counseling or in-person visits for those living in South East Virginia. For complete information please visit: http://www.drsadiesheafe.com/telephoneconsultation.html
or email her at
Sadie@Dr Sheafe.com. Most Insurance accepted.
Dr Sheafe is a Board Certified Clinical Sexologist, American Board of Sexology Diplomate, and Licensed Clinical Social Worker.She is certified in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Currently, she serves as the Chairman, Virginia Legislative Committee: National Association Social Work, (NASW) and Virginia, Regional Representative for Hampton Roads, Virginia; Member, American Board of Clinical Sexologists and the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT). She has been appointed to the Mental Health Advisory Council Board for the city of Portsmouth, Virginia and was elected to the State Board of Directors for NASW. She is currently the Chairman of the Department of Veterans Affairs Social Work Professional Standards Board, Virgina and an Adjunct Professor at Norfolk State University in the Doctoral and Masters Degree Programs for Social Work.