The Purpose of Coaching

The Purpose of CoachingBy Marcia Wieder, Founder, Dream Coach Inc.

There is a true purpose to what we do. I believe it is to reflect people’s essence and greatness back to them, to believe in our clients until they believe in themselves and to encourage and/or challenge them to act on the dreams that are important to them.

The difference between a dream and a fantasy (like winning the lottery) is that you can design a strategy for accomplishing a dream, but in a fantasy you can not. In my worldwide travels as a trainer and author, I have discovered an insight. It’s not that we don’t get to the plan but rather what most people do is go to strategy too quickly and compromise their dreams down to what they know they know they can realistically and easily accomplish.

Although the realist in us wants to know where the time and money is going to come from, in the early phase of a dream, we may not have all the answers. Overly realistic, we squelch our passion as the dream becomes, “a problem to solve.” Dreams get reduced down to a check list of activities, the proverbial “to do” list and holding a client accountable to checking things off this list is what the relationship may become. This is not the purpose of coaching.

The Dream Business
Imagine a different list, one comprised of projects and steps that are the expression of your client’s dreams . If those dreams are aligned with their purpose, we are coaching them to live “on purpose”. When we assist others in turning their lives right side up, rather than just reacting, they are creating and can design and build a life they love. As fear and doubt arise, they may be more effective in choosing their dreams over the doubts, believing in themselves and their dreams, and proving that they do, by taking action.

The essential role of the coach is to support clients in identifying what their dreams are and helping them move toward them. My two favorite words in coaching are, “What else?” What else would bring you more joy and fulfillment, what else would bring you more passion and energy, what else would have you feel that you are living aligned with your purpose?

Visionaries/big dreamers have a vision that they articulate with clarity so people understand it, that they express with passion , so people are excited about it, and true visionaries inspire others to join them. But they also allow reality to do what its does. It’s called having good days and bad. A great coaching question is, “Are you more committed to your dream or to your doubt and fear?”

A Medical PerspectiveWe have become so mired in reality, so busy living from our clocks and calendars that many of our lives have become a list of issue to handle or resolve. Certainly reality is an essential part of the mix since we need to know where we are in order to design the plan to get to where we want to land. But, what has being realistic cost you? According to Dr. Mehmet Oz, author of You, The Owner’s Manual and lead heart surgeon at New York University, people with passion and dreams live 7-10 years longer than those just going through the motions.

When I interviewed Dr. Oz as a guest in MyDreamCircle.com, he told me about a medical term called, “Apoptosis”. Apoptosis is when your brain believes you have outgrown your usefulness. This is most often experienced when people retire, get laid off, experience an empty nest, or when thy have stopped dreaming. The brain sends a message to the body that it is no longer needed and people begin to mentally or physically self- destruct. What’s the cure? According to Dr. Oz, it’s passion and dreams.

In touch with our purpose, life has meaning, we feel more alive with more energy and passion. Connected to our dreams, we literally have a reason to live. We have the privilege and awesome responsibility to remind people that their dreams matter and that standing in their purpose, the quality of their dreams, and therefore their lives, will change.

Coaching On Purpose
The poet, Robert Byrne said, “The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose.” Similarly, the purpose of coaching is to help people find their purpose and in doing so restore meaning to their life. Without purpose, people often climb to the top of the mountain only to realize, it’s the wrong mountain.

Many people don’t even know what their dreams are or having been disappointed by their dreams in the past, they may be too afraid to dream again. When someone says to me, “I don’t have any dreams,” I offer back, “Could we say your dream is to have a dream?” With that simple reframe, they are now moving toward something they want. We can help them remember or discover who they are and from that place, create dreams that are aligned with their soul.

We are here to support others in discovering their essence and purpose. Our purpose is already inside of us and to live into it requires three powerful steps. First, have a spiritual practice so you can get quiet enough to hear the deeper wisdom voice beyond the ego. Second, know what is unique about you and third, be of service with your gifts.

Great coaches know their purpose. Tim Kelley, founder of PurposefulCoach.com says, “The purpose of coaching is to help our clients manifest their highest goals and the form of the goal is limited only by the client’s imagination and willingness to transform.”

In order to dream big, we must be willing to take risks. In order to do that, we must trust ourselves. Our ability to make and keep agreements with ourselves and others is one of the ways to build trust. Integrity is about making and keeping agreements. Perhaps the most significant agreement we can is to fulfill our purpose or mission.

Consider this formula that I created: E-I=A. Essence minus Integrity equals Apoptosis. To live off purpose, spending most of your time putting out fires or solving problems, to have your days filled with things that don’t bring you joy or fulfillment, at a soul level, is out of integrity. To live out of integrity with your soul, will not only age you, but can literally make you ill.

Conversely, in touch with your purpose every conversation counts, every encounter is an opportunity to touch or serve another and every moment can be rich and meaningful. To live on purpose is one of the great gifts of life for us and our clients.

Marcia Wieder is the founder of dreamuniversity.com and dreamcoach.com.